New Year's Diet Aid

Did you know that 89.3% of New Year's resolution diets FAIL in just 3 weeks?

No?

Well, that's probably because I made that stat up. (FACT: 63.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.)

I'm pretty sure most diets do fail, though, on account of their requiring you to eat significantly smaller portions of cake - and, let's face it, that's a trade-off no one wants to make.

Still, for you foolhardy few trudging on in blatant defiance of Mother Nature, your genetics, and the Baskin Robbins large chocolate Oreo shake, here are some motivational visuals sure to make you lose your appetite, if not that spare tire.

Imagine semi-congealed cement. With a chaser of pond scum. And a dead, flattened snake.

Now, imagine washing that all down with a niiice, cold glass of milk.

Feeling motivated yet?

I bet this cake would taste really wet. And Reddi-Whip-ee. And...silk flowery.

This next one has a dual purpose: it will make you want to avoid cake and a career in proctology.

I have no words. And, frankly, the only thing that could follow this up would be...well, this:

(C'mon, bakers, really? Chocolate poo swirled icing AND strawberry syrup? Really?)

I feel I should warn you: this next cake will guarantee you'll never, EVER, want sprinkles again.

Well, at least not chocolate sprinkles. Yech.

And if you're still not convinced:

This is one hairy situation, guys. A very public, hairy situation. Not good.

Sometimes you don't need icing or sprinkles to Wreck a cake, though. Sometimes, all you need is a can of fruit filling.

I am never eating blueberries again.

Hannah C., Ellysa C., Cynthia M., Johanna., Julie & Chris B., Jessica G., & Julia S., with cakes like these, who needs Weight Watchers?

- Related Wreckage: I Think I'll Have the Salad Today

RSS Feed Update: Due to excessive internet thievery (boo, spam blogs!) I've finally had to pull the plug on our full RSS feed. We're still tinkering and experimenting with options, though, so please bear with us!

I Eat Terror For Breakfast

Assuming "terror" is another word for cake, of course.

Which, at least with these cakes, I'm pretty sure it is.

Sure, this may look like a fuzzy potato wearing a Skeletor mask and a literal banana hammock, but I think it's supposed to be a monkey. (Yes, a monkey.) Which kinda makes Shara's Curious George Wreck look positively cuddly by comparison, huh?

Still, it could've been worse. That banana hammock could have been made with these:

Peeling Lucky, punk?

Well, I wouldn't advise it; Lucky here has one nasty split personality.
(She gets it from hanging out with a bunch of sour grapes.)

Hey bakers, do you have too many customers? Is the constant stream of business interfering with your "me time"? Tired of making all those cakes? No problem!! Now you can scare those paying customers off with THE FACE OF PURE EVIL™!

"I AM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE.
(OH, AND TRY THE ECLAIRS. THEY'RE DELISH.)"

Alice, Baily A., & Liz B., these Wrecks aren't boaring you, are they?

- Related Wreckage: I Call Fowl