Regular Wrecks

Okay. I'm sure you all get it by now: Chocolate icing, when squeezed out of a pastry bag, looks like poop. Always. Especially when it's filled with air bubbles. And nuts. And sometimes corn.

Which is why sometimes I have to believe these wreckerators are messing with us.

I mean, c'mon, look at this:

I'm pretty sure I saw that topper in Spencer's gag-gift section.

Or how 'bout this guy?

Me thinks Mr. Hanky's been drinking too much Red Bull.

EXPLANATION FOR OLDER GENERATIONS: See, Mr. Hanky is a cartoon character made of [cartoon] poop. No, really. Yes, I know: kids these days. And Red Bull is an "energy" drink that they claim gives you wings, but they're lying, and someone should tell you that before you go and get your hopes up and order your "Super Jen" outfit with matching sparkle cape and steampunk goggles. For example.

Sometimes they try to confuse us by throwing in random flotsam:

Are those...shovels? Axes? Wait. Is this a pun? Chopping a log? Oh, man, that is a new low, Wreckerators. Really. And for the love of lazy lumberjacks, WHY IS THERE A CHERRY ON TOP? This is NOT a "cherry on top" kind of moment!*

You know what really gets me, though? Over in Japan, where for some reason folks are obsessed with poo, bakeries make cakes that are actually *supposed* to look like #2 - but you know what those cakes look like? THIS:

That is seriously some of the cutest...stuff...I've ever seen.
(Although the flies with bunny heads will be visiting my nightmares tonight.)

But come over here to America, where ostensibly our bakeries do *not* make fecal facsimiles, and we get....this:

God bless America.

With a cherry on top.

(Seriously? Seriously?)

Thanks to Jen C., Kimberly W., Liz G., Kseniya T., & Mollie B., who are all Wreckies of excellent moral fiber.

*Update from john: First of all, yes. We know. Secondly, WE HAVE AN EPCOT!!! Under your desks everyone! This is not a drill!

Happy Boss'es...Boss'...Bosses...Bossy Day!

Quick! How do you spell the singular possessive of "boss?"

Nooo...

Well, there IS an apostrophe...but no.

(Also, what is that? A frosted book?)

You're getting closer. You just need to lose one of those letters.

Not that letter.

Wait. "Nappy Boos's Day"? With a period? Seriously? Maybe this is a lost cause...

A-HA!! YES! You spelled it ri...oh. Wait. No, you're still wrong here. See, the plural of "boss" is just "bosses."

[rubbing temples with eyes closed] Um. Ok. Look. Yes, you did spell the plural of "boss" right, but "Boss's Day" is possessive. Plus you spelled "you're" wrong.

Now, "possessive" means that...[blinking]...ah, screw it. Can you just write the word "boss" so it's not plural OR possessive?

I'm really starting to question your taste level.

And you still spelled "you're" wrong.

Look, I don't think avoiding the issue is the answer. And stop saying, "Sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays." That pin was lame in 1982. It's not getting any better.

[sigh] Alright, look, you want to see the perfect cake to get your boss? Something that gets right to the heart of the matter? Something spelled correctly, and conveying just the right amount of gratitude?

Then here:

Mission accomplished.

Jeneec K., Eric, Annette, Michelle O., Jennifer N., Angela P., Mandy W., Kate C., & Anony M., I say from now on we call it "Bossy Day." Who's with me?

Note from John: Yes. Some people accept Bosses Day as correct. However, if you think about the fact that this is a day for either your boss or your bosses, it really should be Boss's Day or Bosses' Day. Of course the original singular possessive of boss was Boss' but I think this hurt our American brains so we added the s. Just make sure you never use Bosseses' Day. bossbossbossbossboss