I've Got Some Good News, and I've Got Some BAD News...

The good news is it's your birthday, and you get cake!

 .............

The plan was considered a success, until Dylan's parents remembered the four-year-old still hadn't learned to read.

Thanks to Anony M. for putting every horrible birthday ever into perspective.

MASS HYSTERIA

Based on the wrecks I see each day, I'm starting to think most decorators are completely incapable of making a cake that looks like an animal. Any animal. In fact, I'm not entirely sure any of them have  ever actually seen an animal. So as a public service, let's do a little review:

This... is a duck.

This... is not a duck.

[tilting head]

Nope.  Not a duck.

This is a baby porcupine:

 I'm terrified, yet I would very much like to nuzzle him.

This is a baby Darth Maul:

I'm terrified, yet I would very much like to eat his face.

This is a dog:

 You can tell because it looks a lot like a dog.

This... is a lemon... poodle...

OF DOOM!!!

(It's a new breed.)

These are swans:

They're totally necking.

(Hey, Jen! I made a pun!)

These are the fabled Golden Anteaters of Madagascar:

I like to think they just finished slurping a spaghetti noodle.

 And finally, this is an elephant:

"Talk about your trunk space, check this action out!"

And this is the crumple-horned snorkack:

"Fabulous, Harry, I love the crumples."

Thanks to Sarah A., Vanessa D., Carissa, Terri C., and Jared S., who know it's not easy making an Aladdin/Harry Potter mashup joke, but that's just the kind of dedication we have here at CW.