Gross Ickies

It can cause an e-coli outbreak...

...from across the room.

It calls each of its polyps...

...by name.

It once made a dermatologist cry.

It is...

...the Least Appetizing Cake in the World.

"I don't always appear on blogs, Brooke B., but when I do, I prefer Cake Wrecks."

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

In honor of Canadian Thanksgiving, I will now explain the slight and subtle differences between Canadian turkeys and American ones.

[pushing up glasses]
[consulting clipboard]

Ahem.

First and foremost, Canadian turkeys carry all their tail feathers on their heads.

This is both to aid in attracting a mate, and to keep their little hineys cool.

  "Hey, bebeh, whyn't choo come on over heah, and I'll play us some Canadian Barry White. By which I mean William Shatner singing 'Rocket Man.' UNG. Yeeeeah."

Canadian turkeys also prefer styling their head tail feathers in a Mohawk, just to show their overbearing turkey mothers that they're independent birds who don't take orders from anyone.

Plus it makes them look like that eyeball monster that popped up in the trash compactor during Star Wars. Which is awesome.

Canada is the only country in the world where one can find the extremely rare "Cthulurkey".

 It is very dark and terrible. But at least it tends to sleep a lot.

While American turkeys' natural predators are mankind and wild boars*, Canadian turkeys remain savaged by the brown-bottomed field mouse:

Don't laugh**. It's a real problem, people***.

*What, of all the "facts" in this post, did you really think THIS one would be correct?

** Laugh

***No, it's not.

And finally, and perhaps most impressively, Canadian turkeys are surprisingly good at Yoga:

Aaaand breeeeeathe.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving, everyone! And may you also have a reasonably tolerable Columbus Day.

Thanks to Erin J., Michelle G., Amy W., Ali S., Laura R., & Emily B., who reeeeally want to see that Shatner video again. Well, ok, guys, if you insist: