7 Cakes For "Dump Your Significant Jerk Week"
February 7, 2019 You know I love love, minions, but it's the week before Valentines Day. This is no time to get soft! No, we must be HARD. And DRIVEN. And I DIDN'T mean to make this a dong joke, but HERE. WE. ARE.
Ahem.
Let's start over.
Do you have a significant jerk in your life? Is it time for a fresh start? Do you need a cake to help you break things off? Then get comfy, my friend, and allow me to present some prime dumping options:
1) Give it some finality:
;)
"Also it's not me, it's you."
2) Try some good old-fashioned mocking:
;)
I'm guessing Shawn doesn't like "girly" stuff like pink flowers and overthrowing the patriarchy. YOUR LOSS, DUDE.
3) Remember, it's the thought that counts:
;)
Also we're equal opportunity dumpers here. Buh-bye, Roxanne.
(Here's an easy mnemonic: you'll want to dance once the in-laws leave. So it's "riddance.")
4) Draw her as a weasel:
;)
You laugh, but with the proper setup I bet an icing weasel could be devastating.
Of course, if you want to dump someone with cake, why not use a dump cake?
As you might imagine, I have a few options in this category:
5) The Poo-Poo Platter:
;)
Here' you've got your basic poo-wangs and poopermint patties, plus a scattering of rabbit pellets, 'cuz there just wasn't enough crap on this cake.
6) The "You're A Dried-Up Old Turd:
;)
Ew.
7) The "Thanks, But I'LL PASS":
;)
"Also maybe see a doctor, because something is seriously wrong with you."
Thanks to dumpees Justin C., Thomas B., Roxanne S., Kevin B., Ashley M., Danielle P., & Tauni J. for getting it all out there. Don't you feel better?
*****
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Reader Comments (9)
I think the weasle is adorable....but I wouldn't change the name to "devastating". It already has a big head....Oh, and it needs a bigger mattress....What if it has a slumper party?
=^-.-^=
Why does the label on the 'cream cheese brownies' not even identify the red stuff?
And what is the 'chocolate wave cake' supposed to be?
Number Five is supposed to be a barbecue. The little black things are the coals.
One-eighth sheet, seven-eighths...
That last one... I will call an ambulance for the baker! Yikes!
That last cake is nauseating! And what are the 3 big turds for?
"Composed" this morning:
The time has come to say goodbye
To Jed and all his s---
And we would like to thank you folks
For putting up with it
The chocolate turds are icing covered in chocolate ganache. The cake decorator I worked with hated making them because room they took forever to make. It was iced, then frozen. After waiting a day, she'd cover it with the ganache, then froze it again (for backstock) before selling. I don't remember them being super popular, for obvious reasons.
I give you the perfect soundtrack for this post: Spike Jones' classic A Serenade To A Jerk.