The Magical Story Of Labor Day

Ah, Labor Day. A day when we celebrate labor and all of its laborious labors.

And who among us hasn't labored over laborious labors at some point in our labors? Heck, you may be laboring right now! You might even be IN labor! And that's the labor regarding which I have begun to labor over this post. Laboriously. And from a guy's point of view.*

(*Bearing in mind that, since I AM a guy**, I've never had to bear children myself - laboriously or otherwise.)

(**This is john, btw)

So it all starts innocently enough. There you are, minding your own business with your nicely chiseled six-pack...

...when BLAM!, some dude comes along and gets all up in your business!

Okay, that came out wrong.

The point is: you're pregnant. And now your belly looks like this:

Which kind of reminds me of this plumber I once knew...

Or, if you're of the clothing persuasion, like this:

Because pregnant ladies like to carry baby gherkins in their underwear.
You know, weird cravings and all that.

Anyway, a couple of weeks later the kid wants out:

In the worst way.

And NOW you're ready to labor laboriously. Which you might think would look like this:

"Aw! Just lookit that teensy tiny baby! I bet that didn't hurt a bit!"

Yeeeeah... no.

In reality, it tends to look more like this:

Only, you know, more goopiness, screaming, nudity, and the doctor's skin under your fingernails. Really, it's kinda like a SAW movie, except you can't sleep afterward because there's an unfamiliar person screeching in your room, as opposed to just in your nightmares.

And then, after all that hard labor, you have a beautiful baby:

Who may or may not kill you in your sleep.

I mean, probably not, but there's really no guarantee.

So anyway, good luck with that, and happy Labor Day!

Meredith, Stephanie A., Anony M., Gina R., Stephen, Ginn, & Julie W., may your labors never be in vain. Or in cake, for that matter.

*****

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Comments

[Mindy1]

Can't sleep,demon baby will eat me.

[sendingtheclowns =^-.-^=]

Did you ever watch that years-ago movie, "Village of the Damned"?
Well....that last damnation looks like the little kiddies in the flick.
Sweet dreams! =^0.o^=

[Karen]

What on earth is that black 1/2 circle under the pearl necklace on the "kid wants out" cake? Maybe it's her inital, but at first it looked like a worm coming out and going back in. When I enlarged the photo, there are black "lines" all over the body. That all is creepier than the kid sticking out, which is kind of cute! Then I started wondering if there was an entire doll under that hump, which she gets to keep, or just the limbs. In either case, how do you cut the hump? O.k., now the whole thing is creepy! 8-/

[Zeenia]

Ok I'm really confused about the size of Connor and his... maternal torso. Is he a real life Hop-o-my-thumb?

[Yet another Jen]

BABY IS COMING FOR YOU.

Does…does the baby have feet for hands? Or does it not have arms?

[The One who remains nameless]

That baby is so small; there is probably a dozen more in there. You know, like when a guppy gives birth.

[birder girl]

Fun! Thank you so much for a good laugh, thoj.

[JMixx]

Yeah, a guppy...or Nadya Suleman...

[Alison in Indiana]

Geez, I looked up "Village of the Damned" on line and now it keeps showing up as a suggestion on my new tabs. I have used the command "Delete from History" about 5 times, but it keeps coming back!

[MaryO1230]

I can't even.............. OMG.... you can't unsee these! JTHoJ..... good job at totally creeping me out!

MaryO1230