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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jun062018

John Will Never Let Me Post This, But It Made Me Laugh

I'm not going to blur the label on this wreck, minions, because sometimes something is so heinous, so beyond the pale, that I think the world deserves an answer from the responsible party.

Yep, I'm looking at you, Target.

Right.

A few things:

What... what in sweet Stay Puft's marshmallow-covered heck is this?

A "cookie mountain"? A "COOKIE MOUNTAIN"??

Target, let's chat.

In what frosted-over nether world of despair and insulin resistance did you imagine chocolate chip cookies needed to be submerged in a pound of vanilla icing? How do you even eat such a thing? Who is it for? When's the right time to pull this out at parties?

And most importantly - most importantly - what the heck is going ON in your bakery pitch meetings?

 

"Ok, ok, hear me out, team: cookies... and icing."

"What, like frosted sugar cookies?"

"No, more icing."

"Like cookie sandwiches?"

"No, more icing."

"Like a cookie cake?"

"I'M SAYING LET'S TAKE A WHOLE TUB OF ICING AND STICK SOME COOKIES IN IT, OK, BARB?"

[stunned silence]

[Barb begins to slow clap]

[The rest of the room joins her]

[tumultuous applause, raucous cat-calls, confetti cannons, etc]

"And we shall call it... a COOKIE MOUNTAIN! MWAHAHAAAAAA!"

[Entire room conga-lines out, leaving poor Stanley the janitor to clean up all the cocaine and empty booze bottles, because they're jerks like that.]

THE END.

 

Sorry, minions, guess I got a little carried away there. These cookie mountains pack a punch, lemme tell ya.

Thanks to Sarah S. for taking us on this magical journey through the Target "bakery."

*****

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Reader Comments (53)

Cookie Mountain: just another product inspired by outdated overproduced cookies...yum (however, it would be a hoot to climb!)

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterTom

As much as I love baked goods, that is just a pile of nope for me.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMindy1

The horror! (Eats another cookie...) The horror!

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

This came up on my feed with TWO ads for Target!!

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterSue

You know what this is missing? Some plastic flotsam skiers and a plastic St. Bernard. (And maybe a ski lift made out of toothpicks and string).

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMike

I am laughing at the image in my head of this bakery meeting! Haha Well done, Jen!

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered Commenterkt

🎶🎤oh to live on cookie mountain🎶 my apologies to Mr. Young

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJai

OMG, you've got to be kidding me! I can't say my prayers have been answered, because never in my wildest dreams could I even imagine something so wonderful. Now, which direction to the nearest Target...

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterBea

Was that an intentional reference to UHF?
https://youtu.be/IuTCMR72oRs

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I'm Cookiemama, a name everyone gave me 'cuz I bake yummy cookies for everyone and anytime (it's my Italian blood and relaxes me). I've been told "Cookie, you have nice mountains" (those pervs, hehehe), but this diabetic-coma inducing nightmare? Nope, never done it, nor has my baking brain ever considered this thing. JEN, AWSOME COMMENTARY. It's exactly how I would imagine this came about.
And in my home town, we pronounce it "Tar-Jay".

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterCookiemama

Target has a bakery? That's news to me!

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterSM3

"Oh to live on
Cookie Mountain,
With the blobs of lard and colored festoons.
You won't live to 20
On Cookie Mountain,
Though you're thinking that the end won't come too soon . . . "

(With apologies to Neil Young and my pancreas)

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Its really hard to turn me away with images of chocolate-chip cookies and frosting, but they did it.

The thought of eating this actually makes me a little queasy.

Are we sure this store isn't in Colorado?

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAnna Nimous

Thought it might be a one-of thing so I Googled "Cookie Mountain"... and no, it seems to be a thing-"thing"... there are YouTube videos on how to make your very own cookie mountain cake! However, one confection in one video seemed to actually include a base of real cake. I'm really not quite sure how to take this newly acquired information, other than to reach for some insulin.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterHy Per Glycemia

#TeamTarget

Someone in my office has brought the "cookie mountain", and by the
end of the day there isn't a crumb left.

You pop off cookies the cookies with a plastic fork.

Personally, I'm not a fan, but know a few people who like to dip cookies in premaded, plastic canned frosting. This is a little classier version.

What better way to used up day old cookies and get one more chance to sell them.? Target is crazy like a fox on this one.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterFordPrefect313

NEGL, I would eat the living daylights out of this thing.

#thisiswhyimfat

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterK`shandra

.... breaks all world land speed records to Target...

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterSugah

As one who knows that the Perfect Cookie is one where the icing:cookie ratio exceeds 1 and is rapidly approaching 2, thank you for this Public Service.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterO U O

Climb every (cookie) mountain!

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterR.

I don't know. If I wasn't allergic to every single bit of that, I'd love to get drunk and go to town on cookie mountain.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterBittersweet

There's a Cookie Mountain in Super Mario World, but there it's only a name.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

This looks terrible, but I did see something similar, but better, in a Martha Stewart magazine. Maybe that’s their inspiration? Or they just thought “What can we do with all these leftover cookies and frosting?”

I found Martha’s: https://www.marthastewart.com/856492/chocolate-chip-cookie-icebox-cake

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterCindy

I love that the first ingredient is "cookies". Can I assume after the cookie ingredients are listed, the next main ingredient is "mountain" [soil, sand, pine needles, animal scat, boulders]?

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterV

I say YES!

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterTrixxie

Honestly, it looks quite tasty to me. My inner 5 year old would be very excited to see this.

The concept of a Cookie Mountain has potential. I think in a dessert like this, the quality of both the cookie AND the icing would be key. The buttercream icing would have to be fluffy and light and not too sweet, like a good Swiss or Italian meringue buttercream - definitely not the prepared stuff from a can. The cookies would have to be buttery and rich and decadent - not the day olds that are likely pictured here. Together, they'd be wonderful marriage of textures and flavor. Heck, one could even mix up the flavors a bit for fun - salted caramel brownie cookies with a rum-infused buttercream....or maybe a pumpkin cookie with a pumpkin-spice buttercream. So many possibilities!

I think, done right, this could be better than eating what passes for cake at some establishments.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterNutmeg

AND they are charging $10 for that beast!! Oh the humanity.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

This cookie mountain is too sweet for me to climb. Yikes!

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterChicago

All of my teeth fell out after one look at this monstrosity.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAly

Cookie Mountain, Charlie! So much sugary goodness!
Hey! Where's my kidney?

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterWittyFool

Please get this for my birthday, August 2nd. Thanks.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAimee

I'm sorry my pancreas ran screaming from the room...

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterPJ

This is totally a thing. It's called Chocolate Chip Icebox cake. How could you have missed it? It's on Tastemade. I thought I had seen it on other trending websites but here's this link...https://www.tastemade.com/videos/chocolate-chip-cookie-icebox-cake

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

Two words: FRATERNITY. FOOTBALL.
=^~.-^=

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I never knew what was missing from my life until I saw this.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJules

That cookie mountain sets my teeth on edge. WAY too much frosting! Great use of stale cookies & buckets of Crisco frosting.
And for those who are attempting to equate that mountain with an icebox cake-no. An icebox cake is made with cookies layered with whipped cream, then put in the ice box (refrigerator) to allow the two to blend into a tasty mush.
Belated Happy Tenth Birthday Cakewrecks! Thanks Jen & John!

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJuin

I love Target but ... yeah, that's just wrong!

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered Commenterropo

Ummm, that looks amazing. I would eat it. Sort of like a giant pile of cookie nachos.

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Sure, it was Candy Mountain, but all I can think of is Charlie the Unicorn...

June 6, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKai Lowell

it needs miracle whip

June 7, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAdam Lane

"I'M SAYING LET'S TAKE A WHOLE TUB OF ICING AND STICK SOME COOKIES IN IT, OK, BARB?"

I read that in Jim Carrey's voice from The Cable Guy. So much win!

June 7, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJeff

Maybe it's just "Aunt Flo" talking, but I am totally on board with Cookie Mountain.

June 7, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

In Australia, Target doesn't sell anything edible (not that the 'cookie mountain' looks edible either), it's just clothing, toys, DVDs and homewares. It's very like our Kmart (and owned by the same group), but with slightly higher quality - you can buy goods that aren't visibly damaged (I only buy from Kmart to use the fabric) and usually make it through the wash before falling apart. Amusingly the Target ads focus on their rigorous quality and testing procedures. But their passive-aggressive staff are pretty good at deterring repeat attempts at returning faulty goods, so it all works out.

So what other weirdness is in American Target? This is fascinating, in a horror-comedy kind of way.

June 7, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAA

This would be a perfect wedding wreck! Especially if you use Mike's idea about the skiers and St. Bernard....don't forget the brandy!
MaryO1230

June 7, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

This is an abomination! Please send me all of the cookie mountains you encounter, and I'll ensure that they are properly disposed of.

June 7, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLawrence

When I saw this I was in my office trying best to quietly laugh and not to snort, but apparently that makes me look like I'm crying so coworkers ask me what's wrong and I'm still giggling so I have to invite them around to my side of the desk to show them this post. Which, in turn, makes them laugh which, in turn, makes more people come to investigate. For the rest of the afternoon we kept passing each other, throwing up our hands and saying "cookie mountain time!" Fun times. Thank you.

June 7, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterIma

FYI I saw Cookie Mountain’s cousin, Brownie Mountain, at my Target. It was basically the same deal but with those mini two-bite brownies, caramel, and some whipped chocolate mousse or something similar. Glad to see there are mountain options!

June 7, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterTracy

I work at a Target. You should see the brownie version.

June 7, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAndi H.

In its current form, this "Cookie Mountain" could have been made by Sandra Lee. All you need is a bag of Chips Ahoy and a tub of store-bought frosting. Blech.

Great to see a new post, Jen!

June 7, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

Lol and now I know Target has a bakery. I have yet to find it but I am sure this mysterious haven will have more than enough horrors to fuel nightmares to come or just eat the cookie mountain thing and get the same result lol.

June 8, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

To make it perfect, it needs skiers, the little dog, the snowboarder and the stick-figure-ish abominable snowman from that early Windows ski game, SkiFree.

June 13, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterRuss

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