The Hanukkah Blues

We all know bakers really only have one go-to Hanukkah design:

Blue and white snowflakes.

It's the kind of design that says, "Hey, I can dig your Jewish Christmas thing, but I prefer to express it in a generic, non-committal way that even those crazy Winter Solstice people might buy."

"Plus I get to make more of my special Halloween spider webs."

And just like real snowflakes, every Generic "Hanukkah"(winkwinknudgenudge) design is completely unique.

Like fingerprints. Or hairballs.

Are you feeling the warm glow of the season yet?

How 'bout now?

Hang on, I have an idea: how do you feel about adding a little extra fiber in your diet?

No, really, there's cake in there. PROOOOMISE.

(Supposedly that's edible paper, not a rain slicker. But I'm not buying it.)

Ok, ok, what would you say if I told you I actually found a cake with both "Happy Hanukkah" and a Star of David on it - and nothing's wonky or misspelled?

You: "It's on plastic, isn't it?"

Me: "Yes. Yes, it is."

And on everyone's favorite traditional Jewish dessert, too!

Oooh, wait, it appears one brave soul actually did attempt to pipe a Star of David!

6,000 years of cultural heritage just went, "BOINK."

But at least it has the right number of sides.

[Foreshadowing? What's that?]

SHA-POW!

Yeesh.

TALK ABOUT MISSING THE POINT.

Thanks to Ami E., Sarah B., Nicole M., Sandy H., Saundra, Rebecca S., Lena C., True B., & Amy K., who are all special snowflakes in my heart. My icy, icy heart.

*****

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Comments

[Lady Anne]

Oy vey!

[Penny]

Awwwwe no one can pipe a Menorah... oh wait they would get the number of candles wrong...

[Mindy1]

*Stares in Jewish wtf*

[Mike]

I only have one question. Where's the ointment?

[The One who remains nameless]

Is that Israeli couscous on the first one? Very Jewish.

[Meghan]

As someone who celebrates Hanukkah, I wouldn't begin to think of most of these as meant for Hanukkah and if the label said so, I'd be wary. The one with a six-pointed Star of David is definitely the best (better than I could do) and the tres leches isn't too terrible. But really, Hanukkah, like Christmas, isn't a cake holiday to begin with.

[Hairfish]

As a Pagan, I want to say the last cake is a brave attempt at a pentagram, for Yule. But ehhhhhhhh...no.

[Claire]

Of course I caught the Calvin & Hobbes reference! :-D

[Yet another Jen]

Um…why is the one cake wrapped up like a present? It's like one of those Bed Bath & Beyond bags they give you when a gift is too large to be covered in paper.

And, um, why is there green stuff on the cherries on the tres leches cake?

Bakers! You should be helping the non-Jewish understand Hanukkah better, not creating more confusion!

I also wonder if any of these are kosher. So many questions...

[Arlene Marie]

Oh well I am waiting on the demonic Santa Clause cakes to show up. Soon enough they are going to then I am going to laugh hysterically and get the holy water lol.

[Julie]

I think the snowflakes are just winter cakes, not Hanukkah cakes.

[Nathalie]

Ok, but is that 5 pointed star a Hanukkah cake or a Dallas Cowboy cake? 😂

[Nerfbomb]

The tres leche cake must be an ode to Juan Luis Pedro Phillipo de Huevos Epstein... >.>

[Jen]

Perhaps cake 7 was a nod to Phineas & Ferb's Mexican-Jewish cultural festival. Or not. o.O