"Smack That Shiz" Is My New Favorite Saying
April 25, 2017 Stacey had a flowery paper plate she wanted her cake to match, so she brought it in to her bakery and asked them to use it as a reference for the decorations.
Unfortunately, what her baker heard wasn't so much "use this as a color/flower reference" as it was "Take this plate, cram it in the photocopier, print it on edible paper, and smack that shiz on some cake. But be sure to place it at a super weird angle, so it looks wrong no matter which way it's facing.
Yes, really. This is exactly what I want you to do."
Do I even need a drum roll anymore? Tell you what, instead, just imagine more of an "angry chickens thwacking you in the face" kind of sound. Seems more apropos.
Anyhoo... BEHOLD:
;)
[sniff] It's.. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks to Stacey W., who promises to glare at any and everyone who chimes in to say at least the border icing matches. YOUR MOVE, COMMENTERS.
*****
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Reader Comments (43)
Do you want cake on your plate or plate on your cake? "Iris" I could see that in person! HA!
Its a plate. On a cake. Ah, um, er, well. Hey! At least the border color matches!!
From "The Crocus"
by Harriet Baker Stowe
In blue and yellow from its grave
Springs up the crocus fair,
And wreckers raise those bright blue eyes,
Those sunny waves of hair.
Not painted on a dainty cake,
Not piped upon the flour,
A photo of a paper plate,
to show our heart's dear flower
How did you know that was EXACTLY what I was going to say? :-D
Brava SuBee, another one of your excellent "Ode to wrecks". I'm not that nice. See, I would take a big slice of that cake, making sure it's a corner piece so you can tell it's a picture of a plate ON a cake, and place that big slice of cake ON another matching paper plate and bring it to the baker and feed it to her/him. I may even let said so-called baker decide which end I shall feed it to. Butt hey, that's just me. (see what I did here?)
Wow. There is taking things literally, and then there is this next level example :O
Honestly, that plate photocopied better than I was expecting.
So in addition to just using the plate on the cake, they printed it UPSIDE DOWN. Flowers grow UP, not down.
I guess I hang with an odd crowd, but for the right audience (probably not one's dear auntie, though I do know several dear aunties who would appreciate it), I think this has a delightful "inception" and/or trompe l'oeil vibe to it. (And I am very partial to purple, so I do think the whole effect is kinda pretty.)
[OK, Stacey W, go ahead and commence glaring]
Jen, I especially enjoyed your commentary on this one!
"Do I even need a drum roll anymore?" Snortworthy.
"...angry chickens thwacking you in the face." Double-snortworthy.
Let's face it: there is nothing that even comes close to a pissed-off chicken for expressing disappointment.
Takes the work "literal" to a whole new.... dimension of cake-i-ness! (I couldn't help myself!)
Confusion say,: Cake meant to be where meant to be.
Cake fail to be cake.
Not end of story....
Just no story.
(Funny how that works.)
=^-.-^=
That was absolutely my first thought. Sorry!
Why does it look like they left the plate to soak in a puddle of blue-black ink before photocopying it?
That's a rhetorical question, btw. RHETORICAL, I SAID!
*Smacks that Shiz!* It is so Beeeeee-U-ti Full of :D
Out of all the things they fudged up, and could have fudged up, they at least got the border to match the color of the flowers. Do they get points or lose points for that?
But the icing borders go two different directions and aren't piped all that well either. So the color scheme worked, but it still looks like hell.
Gotta love that they must have pushed the center of the plate down during copying, to leave great shadows and otherwise "special effects." Or is it "special" effects? Either way, the border icing doesn't match
It's kind of mesmerizing with how random the colour is bleeding through toward the center of the plate. And the mysterious extra border along the top edge and close cropping of the photo makes me wonder if there is more to the story that we are missing. Maybe a matching photocopied teacup?
I do believe those are bearded irises not crocuses. Although, they are in the same family. At that angle, they look like smashed jelly fish.
I was thinking in my head, "Well, the cake is awful but at least they got the border to match the flowers." So I guess I deserve an ugly stare.
I couldn't find an iris poem.
@Abi, there's certainly SOMEthing "special" going on here.
I'm feeling a Soviet Russia joke here. Just me? Something about "In Soviet Russia, you put plates on cake?"
Either way, at least the icing color matches.
A more appropriate border color would be that dark green surrounding the patch of light that seems to say "you are being held underwater and those iris's will be the last thing you see before you sink into the murky abyss", and something about your heretofore unknown inheritance being stolen by your evil guardian.
At least the icing color fits the general color scheme. (I wouldn't say it really matches, but I haven't been glared at enough today)
SuBee, I hope you said, "I could not find an iris poem." in as dry and matter-of-fact a tone as how I heard it in my head. Because it was the end of me containing my laughter. I died right there.
My friend has a word that describes this perfectly.
CRAPTACULAR
Yes indeedy! A most craptacular cake!
I will also be looking for new opportunities to use "Smack that shiz" on a regular basis.
From "The Iris"
not Harriet Baker Stowe
In gold and purple from its grave
Springs up the iris fair,
And wreckers raise those purple eyes,
Those purple waves of hair.
Not painted on a dainty cake,
Not piped upon the flour,
A photo of a paper plate,
to show our heart's dear flower
I'm just jealous that you can get pretty patterned paper plates!
Oh...Em....Gee! I cannot even fathom what went through the wrecker's head. It's so ridiculous! I mean, at least cut out the image of the plate and fill in around it or something. As it stands, I feel like I'm looking at a paper plate through a dirty window.
...At least they used EDIBLE paper...?
I don't think the border color matches anything but the other borders.
The Late Blooming Iris
Lately I have paused, pondering death
But I'm not fit for it's journey yet.
It's not that I loathe meeting death's kind
It will be, for me, an experience of a lifetime.
I've had one stupendous, lovely, awesome gift
A second chance at life I could not resist.
So tell me this... who's thinking of dying?
I am the rainbow. Rain falls, next, I'm smiling.
Lately I have paused, pondering death
But it's out of my hands, my stem's length and breath.
All I have been, isn't all that I am
I've taken a stand to let The Source guide my hands.
I can claim to be a calico, carved by nine lives
Again, and again, I rise with clearer eyes.
I'd assume any form my Maker shapes me to use
Would I be excused, if in your haven I refuse?
I am a flower, even in winter
Even in winter, I am a flower.
*
Copyright © Iris Elizabeth Sankey-Lewis | Year Posted 2016
This has got to be one of my favorite Wrecks ever! A plate, photocopied onto a cake that is presumably to be served on a plate that will look like the cake. The mind reels!
But professional chefs are often concerned about properly plating a dish ...
Words cannot express how surprised I am at the sheer laziness of the wreckerator. I can't even come up with a witty response to this lol.
Despite the fact that they did that...
I'd eat it.
They could have just jammed the actual plate on top of the cake.
It's like...Cake-ception. The plate on the cake on the plate.
Beth, now we need a photo of the plate on the cake on the plate so we can put it on another cake and put that cake on a plate.
So many great comments. I am in awe. And laughing like, well, you know.
Now we need to see a cake-printed plate.
I'm trying to imagine picking this up from the bakery. Or more likely, sending my husband to pick up the cake and then gently asking him "Really? And you didn't argue? Or think to call me? You think it looks FINE???" Bad cake can kill a marriage