Completely Inappropriate First Birthday Cakes
March 22, 2017 I'm pretty sure most one-year-olds will never remember their first birthday cakes, which is why I'm here to provide an invaluable service: reminding little E.J. that her (yes, her) parents got her this:
;)
Any guesses on what EJ will be getting for her 12th birthday?
Correct me if I'm wrong, parents, but I think age one is a little young for boys to be discovering their bananas, IF you know what I mean.
And if you don't, just look at this:
;)
Don't worry, George, all monkeys get curious eventually.
Things I'm Pretty Sure One-Year-Olds Like:
- Cheerful colors
- Cute animals
- Putting things in their mouths
- Pooping
Thing I'm Pretty Sure One-Year-Olds Do NOT Like:
- Guys with guns
- Who are shooting cute animals
;)
This next one isn't a first birthday cake; it's a christening cake. So little John was, what? A couple of days old maybe? Right. SOMEONE GET THAT KID A GUINNESS.
;)
Honestly I don't know what all is happening here, or what in that mess is considered edible. And I think I spied a tiny plastic poodle in a Santa hat in front of that tree stump with a face before my brain broke.
;)
(ACTUAL CONVERSATION I JUST HAD WITH JOHN:
John: [seeing cake] "What is THAT? Hahaha! He must be Irish, huh?"
Me: "What?! That is a terrible stereotype! How dare you!"
John: "There's a pot of gold and a shamrock."
Me: [looking] "Oh. Right. Ok, maybe they're Irish.")
;)
"But you look good for your age, Levi. Really. And hey, one is the new six months! I read it in Vogue!"
;)
Something here just doesn't add up.
And finally...
Please let his last name be Johnson. Please let his last name be Johnson. PleaselethislastnamebeJohnson.
;)
Thanks to Anita T., Amy N., Jill B., Amber, D'arcy, Vinny A., & Melissa M. for the memorable first impressions.
*****
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Reader Comments (27)
There's something laying passed out drunk behind the stump in the close-up of the "Irish" cake. Perhaps for the child's first birthday, someone should get him a life-time membership to AA.
Little boy babies find their "bananas" long before their first birthdays....
By now I bet someone else will have pointed it out in the comments, but the christening cake is dated March 17: St. Patrick's Day. That (potentially among other things) would explain all of the Irish touches.
The sad part is the drunk baby cake is well done, it's just a cake that makes you go WTF?
The best part of Cake Wrecks is listening to The Squire have fist-thumping hysterics over the cakes. Keep up the good work!
His last name could be Dick. Or Cox.
I don't consider the cute monkey all that wrecky, except that he looks a little old to be utterly baffled by a banana.
Wow. There are no words...except...
Young ones cakes aren't meant
to be borderline vulgar
what WERE they thinking?
More proof that we, as a nation, are doomed.
Re: The "Happy 1st Birthday Ricnic" cake that's shaped like a 2. Perhaps the baker was hoping to congratulate Ricnic on completing his (her?) first year and entering his (her) second. It's a very positive message, especially when you compare it to poor old Levi's cake. You go Ricnic!
I remember that Over the Hill cake, when we all wrote Odes to the Rogue Blue Dot. I do not, however, remember the Ode that I wrote. That's probably a good thing.
It used to be considered perfectly acceptable to put Guinness in the baby's bottle to help them sleep ( it certainly explains a lot about my father)
At first I didn't get what was wrong with the '2' cake. Then I remembered the title is 'baby's first cakes' oops.
I agree with Allison... Little boys have discovered their bananas long before their first birthday, that monkey one is quite appropriate.
Please tell us what E.J.'S parents asked for that resulted in this kind of decoration. It would probably be a public service for parents of small children to know what not to say when ordering cakes.
I love that SJ's parents are promoting literacy amongst the one year old set. Imagine if I had the benefit of a subscription to Field and Stream at that age. No telling where I would be in life today.
Hooters? Really?
:D I laughed so hard at this. You & John just Wreck me every time.
<3 Johnson!!! :D
I'm howling at these Wrecks.... so lucky the honoree is too young to get "it"...whatever "it" is.... At this point, I'm not sure even the parents know!
Again, I'm w/ SuBee here... THIS is the future of our country! :;-P
Do SJ's parents plan to give all their kids the same name? It reads, "Happy Birthday 1st SJ" . . .
Hi Jen and John. I don't know if you've been hacked but there was an extremely NSFW pop up coming here via Facebook. I wonder if Curious George was behind it?
[Editor's note- That's weird. Yours is the only report we've had. Would you email me at john@cakewrecks.com and give me as many details as you can? I would really appreciate it. -john (thoJ)]
I see the poodle /Santa hat, too, now. Yay, we all win and can all go home to reminisce about a hunter shooting Bullwinkle on a kid's second first birthday, or vice versa, and call it a day, see see see?
=^c.c^= see?
Shirley - I'm glad I'm not the only one to spot the dead leprechaun behind the tree stump.
It's a shame poor Ricnic wasn't 2. For a CCC (patooie), it was tolerable.
Well, I guess babies like boobs. It's just that their motivation for liking them, probably is quite different to that of the usual Hooters crowd.
I think it is Richie entering his second year....
Actually, my toddler boy definitely started discovering his banana before age 1. But that doesn't mean the cake needs to give that away...
Oh man the laughter right now. The Hooters cake now that is hilarious but well done. It does look like an owl at any rate. Too bad that is for a first birthday lol. Also the Irish cake there looks like a dead or drunk leprechaun behind the tree stump lol. Just why..??
I had to laugh at the Peter cake. We have a friend and yes, his name is Pete Johnson. Until I read this post, it never clicked.