My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Last Effs Given

There's nothing more dismal than the first day back to work after a holiday. You're tired, you're possibly hung-over, you're definitely not ready to be wearing pants and/or a bra again, but here you are, expected to pick up like it's a regular ol' Tuesday. BAH.

Bakers are no less susceptible to the First-Day-Back blues, but I will say theirs is SLIGHTLY more obvious.

Gee, you shouldn't have.


Ready, set...



When you can't be bothered to find the spatula:

I just hope she wore gloves.


Andy's big 30th birthday bash is about. to get. EPIC. bad.


It was a drive-by splooging!

Or maybe a "stand-over-and-sway-drunkenly" splooging.


You know it's gone wrong when they bring in the big plastic butterfly.

Big plastic butterfly fixes everything.


Took me WAY too long to figure out what this icing says:

I won't spoil it for you. Just squint a little - you'll get it.


And my favorite:

Because unlike most of us today, this baker actually gave a crap.

Also maybe a little pee.


Thanks to Rachael G., Alicia P., Melissa C., Ellen M., Laurie P., Jennifer L., Suzan M., & Elizabeth O., who know that one cake doesn't actually say anything, but who forgive me for trolling because I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY. I mean, ok, I am, but still. WHY DO I HAVE PANTS ON RIGHT NOW.


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Reader Comments (41)

I assume you work at home, so dang girl, why the pants? I'm thankful for teleworking the day after a holiday (sort of a halfway house for working), so pajamas and a sleep bra it is. I'm working, really I am, not posting a comment on my favorite blog or anything.

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

OK, I give up. What does that scribble say? And the one time our noble Wreckerators *should* have used an apostrophe, they didn't bother. (The rest of those cakes look as if the bakery department threw up all over them!

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

My eyes hurt from all the squinting! Please, someone with better squinting abilities clue us in on what that squiggle is supposed to say. My eyes thank you :-)

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterhedge

"Big plastic butterfly fixes everything" -- but only when followed by a unicorn chaser.
Love the captions, Jen! 2017 is off to a terrific start. Oh, and I don't go back to work until tomorrow. hee hee hee

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

I can't figure out what that says either...I came here from LJ to see if anyone else had. :D

"One kiss"? maybe?

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

You can all stop squinting now. I will tell you what it says "LET ME SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE I CAN GET TO STARE AND SQUINT AT THIS WRECK TODAY...LOVE JEN" Well, that's what it should say anyway, LOL. Nice work Jen. I want to know how you knew all I wore for 3 days was sweatpants, slippers and an old bra if any at times? Hugs to Jen and Jon (thoj) and HAPPY WRECKY NEW YEAR TO YOU BOTH.

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCookiemama

Methinks these are leftovers from a drunken new year's eve cake off :P

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

THIRTY ONE DOLLARS for that second one? I think not. I have no idea what the scribble says, and what the heck is the big plastic flotsam butterfly sitting on? I think these bakers need a reeeeally extended vacation. With tequila.

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Cake # 7: I can only read the "Happy Birthday" pick at the bottom. Do you think those squiggles really spell something?

Help us with your magical translation abilities, Jen and THoJ!

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDee, just Dee

Splooging is my new, favorite descriptive verb. :)

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

@Lady Anne: I'm going with "drunk men here".
(Because, why not?) Aye... =^e.e^=

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commenter@sendingtheclowns

I admit I am befuddled by the scribbles as well. Even tried deciphering them without my glasses in hopes that added blurriness would aid my quest, but to no avail. Help!

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLizzie

It's the end of of the year frosting clearance giveaway!

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRRWalker

There is no way the scribbly one says anything.

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterHeatherV

The donuts in the first picture they sell at my local grocery store. They are labeled, "kid donuts". I don't understand when I was a kid a plain jelly donut made me happy not one all mess up with ugly frosting.

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCaroled2

That top picture.. I swear they're looking at me.

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterZeenia

My guess on the scribble? An ancient Sanskrit evocation to the god of pastry, Icingbog. *thunderbolts & lightening included*
Wow, that was some technicolor yawn further up there.Bleh! Double Bleh!!

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterdeb in atlanta

These cakes perfectly sum up my feelings about today. And also, "splooging" is my new favorite word. :D

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

I was LOL at the scribbles cake - it took me waaay too long to find the "Happy Birthday" pick, too. Good one, Jen.

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterChristiane

Big plastic butterfly fixes everything - not necessarily. I was sent a pic of a broken gingerbread house with a dinosaur which had a section of roof in its mouth and the caption 'if your gingerbread house fails, add a dinosaur'
Anyone who can read words in that scribble obviously has an overactive imagination ;-)

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCaryl

The squiggle in the middle looks like "pizza." Or "tiara." Pizza makes sense since it looks like a cookie. But since nothing else about it makes sense it could just as easily be tiara. I can't decide which. Nor can I make any sense at all out of the other squiggles.

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTim in Cincinnati

I even hit control + sevceral times to enlarge picture #7 and squinted!!! still don't know what it says!

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterlibby

It maybe says "Karen turns 11"? Hahaha

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

I came back to say that if you're not reading the thanks paragraph at the bottom on a regular basis, you are missing some serious funnies.

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

I'm pretty sure the squiggles are the transcript of what Charlie Brown's teacher says. Also, for those of you who have never heard "splooge" before, allow me (super-hip middle school teacher) to caution you about dropping it in casual conversation until you google it...

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRenée

What do you call a Muppet that got ran over by a bus and was puked upon? THOSE CAKE-ISH THINGS IN THE FIRST PICTURE. Or at least I think that's what they are... LOL luv it Jen!

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterFrisk

The wreckerator of the splooge cupcake obviously took John's advanced decorating class:
Clearly the yellow spurts are "Elegant Victorian Baroque Fine Lace Ornamentation".

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMSTeacher3K

In the first one, they are definitely watching us. I am scared.

Can someone please explain the border on the third one? It's decent, if you can separate it visually from the rest. The border itself don't bother me. I don't understand why someone went through the trouble to put a ANY border around that loogie of a cake.

January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSara

The third one is a "Gangrenous Bowel" cake, and looks EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW!!!!


January 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Interesting that the ad with the Roaming Gnome, which is sort of like a troll, showed up right next to the one with the unreadable, squintastic squiggles. And I agree with AngelaS.

January 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Oh man nearly had me at the scribble cake but then I realized my eyes don't like weird alien scribble so I didn't bother to try lol.

January 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

The scribble cake is in old fashioned secretary shorthand. Anyone take that class?

January 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNathan R.

#1 Obviously, there are a few places where child labor laws still haven't caught on.

#2 Wreckerator 1: "I don't know what to make."
Wreckerator 2: "Just make something that captures how you're feeling right now."

#3-6 The Ennui Bakery presents, "Life Sucks, Then You Die," a new line of demotivational cakes and cookies.

#7 I got, "Moron here."

#8 Pretty sure the concept of a groom's cake doesn't include having the groom actually make the cake. But at least there are ferns. Which is great if you're a cat. Otherwise, not so much.

January 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I was thinking it said 'icing'? But the more I look, the harder it is to make anything out.

January 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJodie

#7 -- Feanorian cursive being used to invoke Cthulhu?

P.S. I find it amusing that the spell-checker recognizes "Cthulhu" and flags misspellings of it.

January 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

I'm a bit rusty, but I think that cake #6 is adorned with the Klingon for 'Shove your head up a naked mohawk baby carrot jockey and rotate', which is an insult that entitles you to jump the counter and stick something pointy into whomever was responsible. Pointier than a carrot, I mean.

January 4, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterdr handle

The fourth cake cake made me think, "Woody and Buzz send their love... or not", the fifth one looks like a baby's first attempt at eating spaghetti, and last cake looks like they copied from the Amazon logo

January 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLora

Nathan R - I read the shorthand too. For those too young to read it, it says 'Paul is dead'.

January 5, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterkismet

So confused... did anyone ever actually figure out/explain/transcribe the squiggle cake?? Was everyone else smarter? HELP.

January 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

I think the scribble says "blue icing" or something.

January 15, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterColdFusion

I have no idea what it says on the scribble cake, and I'm a pharmacist. I quit.

January 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

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