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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jan232017

It's A Baby Cake Creep Off!

Alright, minions, let's settle this.

Would you choose...

Door #1?

WILL the head tilt towards you?
WILL the eyes open?
The world may never know... 'cuz I'm outta here.

 

Door #2?

Heavy is the head that wears the crown... 'cuz that thing is ginormous. ("It's like Sputnik!")

 

Door #2.5?

No butts, no cuts, no no NO CUTTING BABIES IN HALF, PEOPLE.
How many times do we have to go through this? Eeesh.

 

Or finally...

Door #3?

AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHH!!!!

 

Thanks to Natasha S., Alicia F., Mandie M., & Jill D. for proving babies are just as terrifying as I think they are.

*****

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Reader Comments (36)

YIKES!!! #3 should be required viewing for every single middle school child -- that will put them off of trying to procreate.

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDebbaZood

That last one! Dear heaven, that is a heart stopper! It is an old man! Are we making cakes for Benjamin Button?

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Hush little baby, don't say a word
Gonna bake you into a ladybird
If that ladybird falls down
Mama's gonna give you a massive crown
If that crown won't make you laugh
Mama's gonna cut you right in half
Bisection don't seem like fun
Here's a cake of baby Ben Carson

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Love the 'So I married an axe murderer' reference! Just so everyone knows, I ORDERED A LARGE :)

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterFoots

Is the cake under the frosting for Door 2.5 chocolate? (shudder)

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAldin

Spherical, but quite pointy in places!

That last one is terrifying. The body isn't bad, but did the baker HAVE to make the head look like a demented Bill Cosby?

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSkatie

Surely some else will have said this already, but just in case they haven't:

Is that last cake Obama?

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterlmr

WTF that last one looks like the love child of Obama and E.T D: D: D: D:

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

The last one looks like the bit of Voldemort that was in Harry.

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDiddleymaz

(Typing with jaw on floor. Not easy.)

Ummm...eeerrrrrrr.....
Can I choose none of the doors?

What is wrong with these people? I just can't...

(shudders)

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTere

It's like an orange on a toothpick! (close enough, I hope. I love a good "I married an Axe Murderer" reference.)
But the last one? Yikes!

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJenW

@Imr: The photo credit tagged it "manly baby".....so...take it from there.
(And please, take it FAR from there! Lol!)
=^-.-^=

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

So I'm guessing this is some kind of Monty Hall Problem game show and I would like to win the goat, please.

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMaxie

What is wrong with people who get bent out of shape at the idea of cutting and eating cake that just happens to be shaped like a baby? Even if the cake IS shaped like a baby, it's still CAKE!!! Cee Ay Kay Ee... Cake!!!

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBea

He'll be crying himself to sleep on his giant pilla tonight.

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

@ SuBee: Brava! That made me laugh aloud!

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterManz

If those are all the doors, I'm escaping through the window...

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

There should have been a viewer warning for #3. You can't unsee it! *shudder*

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPharmer Cathy

LOL @ SUBEE! So, my most yikes-ey one is #2. I can't tell which appendage is what. I think it has a right hand up by its head, but if that's a foot sticking out on its left, that baby seems malformed. Also, it doesn't help that the lion's legs look like another hand/foot! Yeeeaaaaaagh!!!

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I actually went to high school with the actor who played "Head" in So I Married an Axe Murderer. #3 is going to give me nightmares. Nice poem, SuBee!

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterScout8898

THe first one doesn't look that bad. Yikes on the last one.

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMel M

I'm afraid that nothing has yet surpassed the creepiness of the stillborn autopsy cake that has been featured on this site before.

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

That last one reminds me of early Middle Ages paintings. In those, babies always looked like old men.

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSherry J

Is anyone else traumatized for life by that last one?

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

Door #2.5 looks like she's falling off the cake-head first! As a mom, that's giving me nightmares!

January 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Well now for sure I will have nightmares of cake number 3 wow.. scary and it seems they don't know what a baby looks like. I fear this bakery lol.

January 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Oh dear god, that old man baby!

January 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterEricka

Imagine if the baby part of the cake is red velvet. Eww

January 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPeep

Nope, nope, nope, nope - I'll just stay in my corner and rock back and forth. Those are creepy!

January 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

Thanks for the South I Married an Axe Murderer reference! "It's round, but quite pointy at parts." Lol!

January 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterErica M

@ SuBee - PERFECT!

Wowie zowie. You can't unsee ANY of these... "cakes"... and I WOULD not want a piece of them either. Auck. The last cake...[shudder]... OMG. Quite possibly a zombie/shrunken head cake.

January 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

@SuBee -- perfection!

I am so sad that cake behind door # 2.5 was done to such perfection. So very sad. Would love to see that bakers entire portfolio.

January 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMary Kay

Is there actually cake in the last one? It just looks like a fondant sculpture.

January 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTrasi

Having seen the last one,I now know what ET would look like deep fried.

January 24, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterhotclaws

DOOR #3 FOR DOG'S SAKES

At least I can LOOK at it.

The other three are atrocities that probably keep some people up at night.

(yes, I know it's god, not dog, but it was a typo and I decided to keep it. besides all these cakes are for the dogs)

January 30, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterFrancois

For Door #2.5, I feel like singing:
"If you're happy and you know it, CLAP YOUR FEET!"

Other miscellaneous observations:

Door #1: that cake has the most disturbing baby head. Who is it, the offspring of a ladybug and Chuckie?

Door #3: No offense intended to anyone, but the baby's right arm (I guess it's the right one because it is to my left) looks like the arm of one of those lucky cat figurines you see in certain Asian restaurants. And yes, I am overdue for a vacation.

February 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNeeta

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