AW YEAH WEDDING WRECKS
September 12, 2016 We can only post what you minions send in, and lately there's been a dry spell in everyone's favorite department:
;)
So imagine my delight when we got three wedding wrecks this week! And I'm not talking the Bridezilla-ish "I wanted sand beige and the baker gave us ecru" - these are actually horrible!
WAHOO!!
Maybe I shouldn't be this happy about that.
Anyway.
Luanne H. writes, "We hired a local catering lady to do our cake. She showed up 45 minutes late, and THIS IS THE CAKE SHE PRESENTED TO US!!!
;)
Yep, I'd say that's a wreck that deserves all caps and three exclamation marks, Luanne. Condolences.
*****
Jessi H. writes, "When I showed the baker this cake, her literal reaction was, 'That's it? That's all you want? That's so simple!'"
;)
Hey, confidence is good, right?
Unless of course it's on THIS blog, so... BUCKLE UP.
Please, Jessi, do go on.
"The day of the wedding, during the cake cutting, we joked about how we really didn't know how to cut it, but it didn't matter because we couldn't possibly make it look worse."
;)
Ahh, but then...
They took the greenery off.
;)
*****
And finally, Stevie R. writes: "I paid $400 for this..."
;)
"...and got this:"
;)
Thanks to Luanne H., Jessi H., and Stevie R. for sharing your pain. And to the rest of you, don't you have a wedding wreck to send us?!
*****
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Reader Comments (66)
That last one should have been grounds for a lawsuit. Seriously.
Why is the third cake bulging? It looks like it has a hernia.
"When I showed the baker this cake, her literal reaction was, 'That's it? That's all you want? That's so simple!'"
It looks like the baker couldn't believe that anybody would intentionally want such a simple cake and decided to jazz it up for them out of misguided pity or just plain old stubborn pigheadedness and "I know better than you what you want".
She had an internal monologue along the lines of "It's your wedding day! You need something spectacular! Simple and elegant aren't what you want. Trust me, I'm a professional" and forgot that she didn't actually say it out loud.
I can't decide if that last one is more evocative of waves, or the feeling I get on a roiling sea
I kid you not, I was making those EXACT faces when I scrolled to them.
Cake #2: just above the intertwined hearts, I see a vampire with purple hair and purple eyes.
Am I the only one concerned that all that greenery on wreck #2 looks an awful lot like poison ivy??
Just goes to show a) more people should elope and b) an ice cream cake from DQ would suffice.
#3 is clearly an homage to the Titanic... and belongs at the bottom of the ocean.
#1 - I did a better job on family cakes when I was in middle school!
#2 - I. Just. Can't. Even.
ETA about my cousin...
She gave excellent reviews on Google, Yelp and said they could use her as a reference.
Someone asked about contracts. If you pay cash up front, and get a cake like #1, there can be no satisfaction. That catering lady obviously does not give a crap about positive reviews. You can rage on Google Reviews and Yelp. The only legal thing you can do is small claims court.
Small claims court stinks because is your time and money worth it? It costs to file. I believe you have to pay to serve the dead beat. Go to court. If you win, the vermin can still default on the judgement. (unless things have become more streamline with computer for getting the judgement money). There is also a cap on the judgement. So you wreck cake has to be expensive enough to make it worth your while, but not too expensive that it is not over the $5,500 limit (my state).
My friend says slash their tires and call it even. (I can dream doing it...)
About travel, weather and weddings cakes/show pieces.
My state has had horrible summers, but the nastiest comes around late July and August. June is turning into high humidity and hot.
Bakeries need to gently remind the bride 90% humidity, 100F outside temperature and a heat index of 120 is not a friend of multi-tiered fondant cakes. The bakery my cousin used does that restriction for last two weeks of July until Labor Day. Multi layered, intricate wedding show piece cakes will be constructed at the venue. You pay extra for travel time if it is so many miles away from the bakery.
What killed my cousin's cakes was the over the top weather and transportation. The bakery does have a decent transport van, but the distance to the venue+it was just too hot. No way would it have made it intact. The bakery joked they should invest in a freezer truck.
One the store website, the restriction extends from June to August. I'm sure they don't want to re-live that nightmare again. Lol... and I don't blame them.
@Ford_Perfect -- I agree that fondant cakes and hot weather+long distance just can't go together. I once made and delivered a four-tier buttercream wedding cake 150 miles in ~88 degree F weather. The only way I figured it would make it safely was to use plenty of dowels through multiple layers, pre-freeze the cake (thank goodness for my friend's chest freezer), put it in a box that perfectly fit the platter underneath, and then (wearing jacket, hat, gloves and muffler) air condition the daylights out of my Audi. By the time I arrived 3 hours and 45 mins later, the cake would jiggle slightly as I went over railroad tracks, but that's it. A little bit of touch up at the venue, and it was good to go in the walk-in fridge. [Weird thing is, it was my first tiered cake and I had no formal training ... just asked a bunch of questions and did some problem-solving.] Cake got raves -- for all of the right reasons.
OMG. Not only would I demand my money back, I'd force them to take those cakes back. I'd rather have NO cake...and I LOVE cake.
I do believe all those cakes were a school project done by 3-4 year-old toddlers at their local preschool. :)
That last one reminds me of the optical illusion dress which could be seen as either gold and white or blue and black. I'm guessing the cake decorator saw it as blue and black...
That settles it. If I ever get married...Jell-O shots for everyone!