LOOK AT ALL MY PEARLS Y'ALL
August 29, 2016 Today is John's and my 18th wedding anniversary, and before you ask, yes, we DID get married as toddlers. We wore onesies and tottered down the aisle to the theme from Muppet Babies. It was awesome.
Anyhoo, I know what you're thinking. "Jim," you're thinking, - because you've again mistaken me for a starship captain with a penchant for pauses - "Jim, how can *I* be married for 18 blissful years?"
Ahhhh, SAY NO MORE. I do the talking around here.
Oh, and John says I have to use a bunch of these older submissions from the archives, but don't worry; I can make anything work with my stellar marriage advice. SO BRING IT, JOHN.
MARRIAGE PRO TIP #1:
;)
Um, don't... radiate... each other. Instead, BE RADIANT.
(booya oh yeah i got this)
MARRIAGE PRO TIP #2:
;)
Keep each other as happy as a pig in poo.
And then stay away from bees.
(Which is really more of a life tip, so that's a bonus for you single folk.)
MARRIAGE PRO TIP #3:
;)
[....]
[pin dropping]
[...]
Next!
MARRIAGE PRO TIP #4:
Every piece of clothing ever makes her look the sexiest she has ever looked. Period.
;)
And that goes double for the wedding dress.
MARRIAGE PRO TIP #5
When the haircut goes wrong, stick a hat on it and buy him/her cake.
And when you accidentally run over the pet snake...
;)
...stick a hat on it and buy him/her cake.
(Your spouse, I mean, not the snake. I'm pretty sure the snake won't care for cake at this point.)
MARRIAGE PRO TIP #6:
Be their rock:
;)
...with spontaneous wrastlin' matches.
(MROWR)
And finally,
MARRIAGE PRO TIP #7:
Give them what they want, and lots of it.
;)
By which I mean cake.
MOAR CAKE PLS JOHN.
Thanks to Julie G., KK, Becca H., Samantha B., Ellen W., Mark H., & Diana A. for the excuse to share all these pearls of wisdom. LOOK AT ALL MY PEARLS Y'ALL.
And a special thanks to john, the hubby of me, for still being here after 18 years of poo puns and demands for whoopie... pies. I love you, Sweetness. Here's to many multiples of 18 more.
*****
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Reader Comments (66)
I know you said these were old posts, but how did you manage to find the Venus-of-Wilendorf's wedding dress?
Happy anniversary John & Jen, here's to many many more.
Happy Anniversary you two!
That piglet one made me recoil in horror. Great pearls today, Jen. (Pearls are for 30 years. 20 years is China. So, you know, you can start planning now)
Happy Anniversary!
Hapy anivrsry
under neat that
n manny moor
Huzzah!
18 years is quite an accomplishment!
Congrats! May there be many more happy years ahead!
According to Wikipedia, the appropriate gift for your 18th anniversary is porcelain. If I could, I would send you a porcelain receptacle in which you could place all of your cares (and these cakes,) and flush them away. Here's to a wonderful anniversary and many, many more.
Happy Anniversary!!
You guys are so unique - I'd love to see how you actually celebrated your wedding someday :)
BTW - Piglet sinking into the La Brea Tar Pits made me sad.
Happy Anniversary, Jen & John!
You guys are the bestest!
I love the photo credit for the 2nd one:"Piglet and bee in poo". A general consensus? Must bee!
And Happy Anniversary, you two kids! =^~.~^=
Congrratshns.
Congratulations you two. I celebrated my own 18th in March. And yes we were toddlers, it was a thing that year. Here's to your next 18 years together.
Jen and John (thoj) HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! (on a cake, with lots of frosting and sprinkles and 18 Naked Baby Carrot Jockeys). May you have many more cakey, steam punk, cosplay, Tonks, Lily sweet years! Also, Jen? BRAVO ON TODAY'S POST. I bet you have a ton of frosting filled fun going through all the wrecks to find the perfect ones for the occasion. Hugs to you both.
Sprinkles happy anivursy1
Haha! Ok, I'm sorry, and maybe you weren't referencing this at all, but the last one... "Moar cake pls..." that sounded like Nanny Ogg's cat, Greebo, when he gets turned into a human....
Happy Anniversary! (with sprinkles)
Piglet sinking in the mud, or poo, or tar, or frosting, or chocolate, or whatever it is... >-D!!!
Congratashuns, J&J!!!
Re: the "Rock" cake - At least the wreckerator got his tattoos correct... O.o
Congratulations John & Jen! May you have a wonderful day!
happy anniversary to you both!!!
Congratulations Jen and John! Many more to you!
I don't know why, but Marriage Pro Tip #3 just gave me the biggest stupid-grin of all. It is a very well executed something and deserves the silent awe given in the commentary.
Happy Anniversary!
#1. On one hand I love colorful things, on the other I hate sprinkles.
#3. I'm still trying to figure out if I even want to know what the white stuff is.
#4. Looks pregnant, pretty soon there will be more cupcakes, in the world.
#6. I didn't know The Rock lost his left arm, I hope he finds it soon.
#7. Maybe it's just me, but that looks kinda suggestive.
Happy Anniversary!
Hapi aniversiri and many more. OT, but why does the rock look as though he has been cooked? And the last cake HAD to be intentional ;)
I'd like to know why all you sick people are congradulashing Jenn and John when the Rock has just lost his left arm.
Aww, congratulations, and happy anniversary!! May the years be sweet as non-wrecky cakes!
Happy anniversary to my two favorite people on the internet! Blessings to you today and best wishes for many more happy, sugar-filled years!
Happy Anniversary, you guys! :)
@ Shirley - I had to look that up. May I say that you NAILED IT!!
Happy Anniversary, Jen & John. I hope you have a lovely day together. After reviewing all these Wrecks, I plan on having pie for my next Anniversary.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pu27PkeHTI
Piglet-in-poo made me nauseous, but Rock-in-pain is pretty gross, too. Anyway, happy anniversary, Jen and John. :)
I legit yelled at my husband when I opened the page - TODAY IS MY 18th ANNIVERSARY TOO!!
Happy, happy Anniversary - and many, many more! :-D
Conga Rats, in tiny party hats!
Congrats! I guess my husband and I must also fall in the married-as-toddlers spectrum, haha. Because at 19 years married, we are not old, nope, no way! Those gray hairs showing up mean nothing, I tell you! Best wishes to both of you on this anniversary and many more! Keep up the hilarious work!
Congrats on the anniversary!
I think #5 may be a reference to Anne of Green Gables—red braids, straw hat with green ribbon...
The Venus-of-Wilendorf looks as if she is A) pregnant, and B) not wearing a bra. And congratulations, you two, on 18 years of wedded bliss. Now if you can make it to 43, as The Squire and I have...
True story - when he retired, we had just been married twenty-five years, and one of his co-workers was astounded. "TWENTY-FIVE YEARS! To the same person?" Well, that was the general idea of the "Death do us part" thing, y'know.
Happy anniversary
I want sprinkles
Number 6 is actually a pretty good portrait cake. Just not of The Rock, unfortunately.
Congratulations, you crazy kids!
Congrats to You and congrats to Me! I feel we have a special connection since we were married on the same day! 18 years here too. Fortunately, our cake was beautiful!
Why does the Rock only have one arm? Are we sure that's a wedding dress, not a lace covered torpedo? Sigh.
Happy Anniversary, Jen and John!!
Happy anniversary you two!!!!!!
Happy 18st Anniversary! I wish you a life full of sprinkles!!!
Congaratulashuns and saluteatshuns on eight teen blissfully yearz of weededd blisses!
With lots and lots and lots and LOT'S of sprinkeles'ses on TOP!
You two are the absolute cutest! Happy anniversary!
John's a keeper! Happy anniversary to you both.
My husband and I will celebrate 38 years in October. When asked what the "secret" is to a long marriage, his answer is "Don't kill each other." I'm still designing a cake for that...
PEARLS!!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!! Seriously? Am I the only one that got it? Or is there no to to get? Or am I just the only one juvenile to admit it??
Happiest of years to you both and many more.
Harpy 18rd Anniversery!
Thanks for allowing us to share part of your journey all these years! Hope you two lovebirds have a nice celebration.
Happy Anniversary to you both. And thank you for all the wonderful years of gut-busting laughter.
Bells Bells
Happy Aniverser-
y Jehn & Jon
wit Sprinkels & Bells
in Corners!
Bells ate teen yeers Bells