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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jul182016

The Cake Wrecks Ink Blot Test

We need modern tools for a modern age, minions. That's why I'm proposing we throw out the passé Rorschach ink blot test for psychological evaluation... and use cakes instead.

 

"SO... [clicking pen, pushing up glasses, consulting clipboard]...

"Tell me.

"What do you see?"

"I'm sorry, did you just say "a screaming ding dong on a pile of dog crap"?

"You did?

[scribbling on clipboard] "Innnnnteresting."

 

"Right. How about this one?"

"Huh. Really? Huh.

"No, no, don't worry, LOTS of folks see "a pug who ate Italy."

[turns to camera, eyes wide, mouths NO THEY DON'T.]

 

"Ok, last one. Ready?

"What do you see?"

"And I'm going to need you to be really specific here, since the boss wants a label on this thing pronto, and I have no friggin' clue.

"Oh, wow, and look at the time! Guess my lunch break's over. So, would you like any more cakes, or should I just ring these three up?"

 

Thanks to Jessica D., Lindsey I., & Tracy A., who can probably think of worse things than having bakers for psychoanalysts. At least you'd get cake after each session, right?

*****

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Reader Comments (59)

The first two I got, but I don't have any idea of the third one.
Is that a ..... baseball bat? Then is the green thing a tiny stadium? And why are there so many balls?
HEY Oh!

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

OK, for that last one, I have played a video game where one of the bosses was based on a surgeon through the eyes of a drugged patient undergoing surgery, and that's honestly what it reminded me of.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaxie

Rotate that last one to the left so it is vertical, and you have a green SUV speeding through the orange dust of Monument Valley.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

It's obvious though isn't it? The first cake is a lighthouse on a rock outcrop, the second cake is a giraffe, and the third cake - if you rotate it 90 degrees to the left - is a shovel stuck in gold coins that are being shoveled into a green bucket. None of which I would eat by the way.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

The last one - Good God, what is that thing?!?!

The droop giraffe with the thick neck - poor thing!She's desperately looking for rain so she can drown herself like a turkey!

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

But I LOVE the giraffe!!! It made me smile.

The first one is a fire hydrant riding a poo zodiac boat at sunset.

The last one...I must be crazy because I can't make my mind see anything at all. It's a big messy pile of nothing, with a dog bone. Maybe it's what the living room looks like if you leave the dog home alone too long?
I give up. I'm crazy. Only thing to do this fine morning is have another cup of coffee and a nap.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin

1) Gorilla, Kong or the like, squeezing the life out of a defenseless screaming fire hydrant.
2) Derpy giraffe who has clearly outgrown his/her spots.
3) The elusive hammer-shovel-wang digging for gold.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterM

Turn it 90 degrees to the right and you MIGHT see a very tall, warped champagne glass that had a small but powerful golden volcano hidden inside it, which has just erupted. Obviously the eruption occurred on St. Patrick's Day, because a large squat green beer mug was ejected along with the golden lava. It's probably a visual for what the bakers were actually doing (i.e. drinking heavily) when they made this...thing.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterB'More Jen

The first one is CLEARLY Munsch's "The Poo Scream".

The second one looks like the "Before" image of a particular "Just So" story.

As for the third one... Um... Well... When a mug of St. Patrick's day beer and a glass of cheap Champagne love each other very much...

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Last one's a cinch - it's Lambchop playing the guitar solo in "Let's Go Crazy". (Please don't judge me.)

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPersephone

1, Lighthouse
2. Giraffe
3. whaat? What is that? pot of gold? bulldozer? champagne glass?

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Last one is a beach, with a child's bucket and shovel set. See? The bucket is full of "sand". So "cute"!

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLAT

They're clearly works of art!

"The Scream": Character motivation from Edvard Munsch.
As he swirls toward the inevitable sewer drain, Scream realizes he is unable to extricate himself from the excrement.

"The Girafflamb": A cubist masterpiece by Picasso; alternately,
"The Giraffe," by M.C. Escher

"Magically Delicious" by Luck E. Charms
Luck rolls over the Pot o' Gold in a John Deere tractor after he becomes hammered from drinking too much green beer. Alternate scenario: The John Deere rolls over Luck, who's hammered after one too many pints o' green beer, and dove into the Pot o' Gold.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterjuice

What...why...HOW?!?!?!?! O_o

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Ummm...
1) Lighthouse on Poo Hill
2) One-eyed, three-legged mutant cow
3) I want to say it's the Olympic torch, but what is that green thing??

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterErica

#2: the world's only successful hybrid of a Giraffe and a Pug. The Pugiraffe.
#3: ?!

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterWill

1. A lighthouse on a rocky promontory.
2. A giraffe. Possibly post-mortem.
3. Rotate 90 degrees - a bucket and sand on a sandy beach. They're making (very misshapen) sandcastles!

I have worked many years in special needs schools. Working out WTF when they show you an image is handy...it tends to prevent crying or tantrums... ;)

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterUrgo

1) I'm sticking with it's a fire hydrant that's just recently been visited by a large german shepherd. and it's sitting on a poo lobster. Makes sense because lobsters love the ocean and fire hydrants can't swim.
2) Ripley's Believe It Or Not did a special profile on 3 legged giraffolopes. This one seems to be male.
3) I'm as stumped by this cake as everybody else, but to my eye this seems to have something to do with the door of a green '58 Buick.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterColin

"These are all really bad" she said after viewing #1 and #2. " I don't know what I'm seeing! That first one...um...maybe Clffird with a hat sitting on his own turds while gazing at the sea? That next one, I just can't focus. I thought it was a giraff with some horrible metabolic disorder but the colors...the colors aren't right, are they? I mean, giraffes aren't pastel. Are they? And is that an eye and a tongue up top or a dot and a flag or...WHAT IS THAT!? Oh, I can't look any more. This is too much. I'm feeling dizzy, disoriented. Oh my! Oh! Excuse me..."
And the poor patient puked all over and created the last cake.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered Commenters.marie

Very good comments Jen, love the sarcasm.

Lighthouse and giraffe? OK.

The last one? It looks like a green worker with a yellow helmet and some kind of yellow tool? And maybe the yellow stuff is excess? Hard to tell. (Oops)

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLynne

Note to self: Look into feasibility of breeding pugiraffes.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCybrczch

Lighthouse, giraffe parts, day at the beach.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterR3test

1. Fire hydrant with pile of poo at base.
2. A giraffe. Yeah, that's it.
3. (blink) ... (blink) ... Not a clue.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTriciaL

1) A candle in poo on a dark and stormy night by the sea. Or a lighthouse. Possibly a fire hydrant. Something in poo on a dark and stormy night be the sea, anyway.

2) Giraffedog, breed unknown, but best guesses were Dalmatian or boxer or long necked pug. Possibly a mix of all three.

3) I really had no clue till reading previous comments. Still not sure I have a clue, actually.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNanalettie

Now I'm very worried about myself. In # 3, I see a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (is that the right words in the right order?), only he's yellow with a green mask, and he's slumped down with at least one leg splayed out before him, and that leg has been injured to the point that the bone is showing. That's what I see. How much trouble am I in? Do I have much of a head start before the men in the white coats get here?

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

1.) A fire hydrant drowning in dog do.
2.) One of the worst attempts at a giraffe I've ever seen.
3.) Big Bird cuddling with Oscar the Grouch, while Oscar wears a Donald Trump wig.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAaron

Well, in that first one I see a red and yellow drippy “not a cigar” sitting on a poo wang floating in a sea of despair. Thank you, Dr. Freud.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLindaz

Pail and shovel?

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

I'm thinking the last one is a slot machine, if you turn it slightly. Green screen, where the symbols roll up, and big yellow handle on the right.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKrista

Last one looks like a bulldozer. The blue/green blob is the front window. Yikes.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterErin M

The last one - um, John Deere tractor? Anyone. . .Anyone?

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJudyBeth

I'm surprised nobody has actually said "tugboat" for number 1... though a tugboat floating on a pile of "number 2" is slightly more accurate for that one.

Poor, poor 3-legged giraffalope. (awesome ^^^Colin)

A mustard accident at a picnic?

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Cake #3 depicts "How Minions are 'born'." I mean, duuuuhhh!

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHairfish

Is number 3 possibly a bucket and spade in a mound of sand? If rotated 90 degrees to the left and looked at squintedly????

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJo

The last one is a poor attempt at a cat tractor.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAndria

I got the first two....but the last one looks like a diagram in a medical text book. For something contagious. Antibiotics, please!!

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLydia B.

I think the first one is a fire hydrant on a poo rocket ship, sailing through space. The third one though, no clue!

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

First cake: DUH! Ode to Nickel Creek! Cue the music:

I am a lighthouse, $hit worn by the weather and the waves.
I keep myself "lit", to warn the sailors of the big turd in their waaaay.

I'll tell my story, pipe a crappy picture on a cake.
It was so crappy, no joy from this "crap cake" could I make! (get it? crap cake/crab cake)

And the wrecks crashing around me, this "crap cake" needs to drift on out to sea!
And these cakes that blow remind me,
Of cakes that stink and what we can't "un-see".

(music fades as a single scent-i-mental turd tear drips down each of our cheeks)...

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

#1 Fire hydrant drowning in poo while gazing moodily into the night.
#2 Dalmation road kill, left out in the rain until the spots faded.
#3 Rotated 90 degrees to the left - green Tardis landing next to a streetlight in a dust storm.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

It is possible # 3 is the Olympic Torch? They are Brazils national colours (well except for the missing blue)

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnon Sydney

The third cake is GOLF equipment. Club, bag and lots of balls!

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSally

I think Cake #3 is a very fluffy golden retriever puppy wearing a green astronaut helmet and investigating a bone bigger than he is.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterlasselanta

Laughing so hard I can't breathe, many tears and I peed myself a little. Funniest cake Wreck EVER!!!!

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline

I'm pretty sure the last one is supposed to be a pail of sand and a shovel on the beach but, dear lord it's terrible!!

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMagrathea

I actually came to the comments to see if anyone knew what the last one is. Thanks for nothing, people. ;~)

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPatty Underwood

The first one is Jonah being vomited onto the land by a giant fish.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

I see a dog bone on a beach in number 3... as much as I see anything.

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

I'm thinking #3 is a pot of gold, shovel ...more gold? St. Patti's day gone terribly wrong???

July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterOhsomethingshiny

1. Charlie the Chili Pepper (a distant cousin of Jose Jalapeno) decides to try surfing, but tragically hops on a large poo instead of a surfboard. Boy, is he disgruntled!

2. Pugiraffe or Girug; "some assembly required."

3. Wildly successful pirate "Peg-Leg Perry" has dived headfirst into his pile of ill-gotten booty! The pile is so deep that it comes past his...booty... (Also, he should have put down his flagon of grog before diving. Now it has tipped over, and he has grog-soaked ill-gotten booty. Up to his booty.)

July 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

I still think the one cake is a giraffe/cow hybrid lol. As for that last one a leprechaun knocked over his pot of gold and in the rush to grab it knocked over his champagne glass full of golf balls. Lol the things my brain comes up with...

July 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

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