The Grill Blaster
June 7, 2016 Like mosquito bites and an overabundance of guys wearing loafers without socks, "grillin'" cakes are an inseparable part of summer.
But should they be?
I mean, we can't get rid of all the mosquitoes, and we can't seem to convince guys that sweaty loafer feet are icky, but we CAN do something about this, minions:
;)
That's right: we can just say "NO" to 5 pounds of black icing.
"NO" to airbrushed rice cakes on our real cakes:
;)
And "NO" to hairy Tribble pelts and decaying poo wangs!
;)
We can do better, America.
We can have hot dog cakes.
;)
Or watermelon cakes!
;)
Or even a classic half-burger cake!
;)
Which could double as a taco!
So bakers, I hope this has shown you that we want MORE than just black-and-brown piles of crappy icing.
We want MULTICOLORED piles of crappy icing.
Thank you.
And thanks also to Woneita, Angie H., Peter N., Patricia, Jess A., & Libby T. for RUINING Taco Tuesday. Now I have to eat cake instead. DANGIT.
*****
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Reader Comments (23)
When a mommy watermelon and a daddy watermelon love each other very much...
…Um… are you certain that "Watermelon" cake is not really a representation of the Spawn of Satin exiting Hell?
The hot dog cake is like a DIY project. You reassemble the cake and then spread on the icing.
Looks like someone sampled one of the "hamburgers" on that first cake... Which only adds to the, "WHY, GHOD, WHY!??!??!!" vibe.
I could never say "NO" to 5 pounds of icing, ofANY color...
For the time they took to add them to the cake, those rice cakes are a very realistic suggestion of hamburger patties, actually.
Wow.
Some of these are beyond simply "bad"....I see a couple of "sad"s: the sperm that burned to crisps while tragically trapped in the cake container (see the flames??) (And btw- Why are the bees smiling? They're trapped, too! ) AND, I don't like the way that hot dog cake is looking at me (" Stop pointing that thing at me! It might be loaded!")....The last one? You say it "could double as a taco"? I say it could double (up in agony) as a giant turd ball, wearing a colorful headband. Eye of the beholder.... =^-.-^=
As much as I love frosting (cake is just a vehicle for it) this is too much
That hot dog cake is pathetic. And the cake layers are going to be completely dried out by the time you eat it!
I like the bees on the watermelon cake--representative of "the birds and the bees" to mesh perfectly with the seeds which look like sperm which is, after all, what seeds really are. Such symbolism!
It's election day in California where I'm at, so I think it's fitting that I totally read this like it's a political ad campaign.
On that second cake...am I mistaken or is that a CCC (patooie!) topped with marshmallows that have been airbrushed black before the rice cakes were added?
If so, that adds insult to injury since now there's not even any real cake involved. Or even any real icing!
OTOH, that would make this the first CCC (patooie!) in cake history without five pounds of icing mounded on top....
"Like mosquito bites and an overabundance of guys wearing loafers without socks..."
Or guys wearing sandals with socks.
"Hairy tribble cakes"? Even Captain Kirk would revolt!
@Lady Kal: Nope, I'm pretty sure there's black icing being used as glue under those marshmallows.
Well, at least we know that hamburger/taco isn't from McDonald's. You can tell because, apparently, McDonald's doesn't turn moldy green like that, you know, EVER.
I think that taco burger cake needs some penicillin. Yikes!
Why does everything have to be black? And that half burger/taco thing?!?It looks like it has been hanging around the bakery long enough to come alive with that coating of greenish/brown sludge.
How ever did you keep from describing in your usual graphic detail, the watermelon and hot dog cakes? WOW
"hairy Tribble pelts and decaying poo wangs"
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
It's cookout tiiiiiime!
*looks at these cakes*
Thanks, but I just lost my appetite. Wow. I, too, love a little cake with my frosting but even I have my limits.
Oh man that first one.. someone needs to have their decorating privileges revoked.. forever lol. Oh I fear the tribble pelted cake. Not even wanting to know where the wreckerators got the idea hamburgers look like that.
Does anyone else see the 'hot dogs' in the first one as fingers? I swear there are fingernails on the 2nd and 3rd 'things' there...
Hairy Tribble Pelts and Decaying Poo Wangs would be great band names.
I am so inspired by the black rice cakes. Surely their is somewhere else this ingenuity can be used.