The Big-Ass, Laugh-Til-You-Get-The-Hiccups Post
May 31, 2016 So the other day I saw this on the interwebs:
;)
And I laughed and I laughed 'til I gave myself the hiccups, and then I wondered how often this actually happens. (The sign thing, not the hiccups. I already know hiccups happen whenever the party has a sudden lull and you're in a big, echo-ey space.)
So even though you may have seen some of these before, I had to put them all up again. Because, FUN TRUE FACT, the more of these you see, the funnier it gets.
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;)
;)
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Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go drink a big glass of water.
*hiccup*
Or maybe look at some C-section cakes for a good scare.
Thanks to Abigail E., Collen M., Gretchen O., Anony M., Justine T., & all of our inner 10-year-olds for making abbreviations FUN again.
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Reader Comments (56)
I had to wait to read the end because I had too many tears in my eyes. 😂
You were right -- the more you see, the more you laugh.
Thank you for making me feel 8 again. Abbreviations are, indeed, FUN.
I used to work for a pension company, and one of our clients had "Radiological Associates" in the name. One of the admin assistants innocently used the abbreviation "Rad Ass" on their file. =0
She was mortified when it was pointed out, be we all refused to let her change it. :)
Psst... It's short for "Assorted."
No mystery here.
My assistant manager has asst. manager on her name tag
so we occasionally tell her you're an asst. Adding the t is
probably a good idea though
I get that they usually mean "assorted," but is "toilet slime neon ass" just outright Engrish?
One more letter, people... That's all it would have taken. JUST ONE... MORE... LETTER....
Of course, then we wouldn't all be sitting here snorting coffee on our computer screens and getting the hiccups...
Ha.
Welsh Lady Ass Fudge FTW!
O..M...G some of those have GOT to be intentional, there is not way that many people could be that innocent :) ;)
I have no idea, & I'm not entirely sure I want to know, what "toilet slime neon ass" refers to (even knowing what "ass" means). But what does the rest of it mean?
Classic Steve, not Engrish but Dunglish. I recognise those signs, they're from a Dutch toy store chain. Hence the '3-10 jr' label -- short for 'jaar', Dutch for year.
I was really not wanting any of the Ass Cakes (haven't we had those on here?), but the Ass Fudge is a hard pass!
I am so happy that there are people in this world who are SO thoughtful! These people spare NO expense to make us happy-ass readers fall on the bakery floor, roll on it (laughing, of course), willing and pretty well able to give up our lunch for the cause... Salut! =^-.~^= ("I'd like to buy a consonant!")
On a related note, a couple weeks ago, my local Trader Joe's got in Hibiscus Gose, which is a tart beer. The sign for it read "Hibiscus Goose". I pointed this out to their liquor manager, who promptly pulled the sign.
I quite regretted not getting a picture of it until I went back there the other day, and discovered they had not made a new sign, they just blacked out the extra "o" with a Sharpie.
The sign is now even funnier. I'm going over there this afternoon to snap a picture of it.
I don't know if ass pudding or ass fudge is funnier. Either way, my mascara is running all over my keyboard at work.
Thank you so much for this post. My morning has gone pretty much like something that needs to be flushed, and this was just what I needed. It also cured my craving for fudge, ganache, etc.
I absolutely love your work, your website, and I sure appreciate that you take the time to do all of this "assorting" for us!! I share most of your posts with my 10-year old daughter (not all of them, hee-hee) and it's always great for some fun mom/daughter moments. Thank you for continuing with all this stuff!!!!!!
On a similar note:
I recently downloaded an Optical Character Recognition Application to my cell phone so that I can take pictures of documents and save them as text files instead of JPGs. It works fine. My only gripe is that it stores these text files in a folder named OCRApp.
I'm a 12 year old at heart when it comes to this joke. I laugh and laugh and laugh.
And I get to see this joke regularly in my daily life. I'm a logician by trade, and proofs often contain assumptions. But "assumption" is such a long word to write. So what of course it gets abbreviated...
I then snicker all through exam and homework grading.
Yes they are "assorted" -- the exception being the bin of delicious Ripe Hass Avocados.
The Ass Pudding has to be the worst.
Toilet slime neon ass! I gotta get me some of that!
Welsh lady ass fudge and clubcard points....now how could that be any weirder
Ass cream cake just sounds like a sweet southern grandma is bringing you your ice cream cake. :)
Definitely right - the more you see, the funnier they are. Though we peaked (not peeked) at the Welsh Lady Ass. That's definitely something I think we ought to see... well... maybe not.
We had a new job on our team they originally called Associate Support Specialist, but when we pointed out the acronym it was changed... Maybe the Welsh Lady Ass Fudge was named by the same folks?
The abbreviated name our management company has for us is Ber Ass. I laugh every time I print a lease payment to them. I don't think they realize taking the first three letters from the first two words in our name was a good thing. hehehehehe
Tenure-track university teaching involves starting as an assistant professor then get promoted to associate professor and then finally just to "professor". Let's just say that early in my career the abbreviations used for conference name-tags would often give me the giggles.
Ass Cream Cake. Nothing more to say. Ass.Cream.Cake.
The middle school in my area has a marquee where they post upcoming events. Last year was the "Honor Roll Assy" - made me LOL every time I drove past!
The world needs more flashing smiley ass ( although that might get a person arrested ) and toilet slime neon ass , just because . 8D X/ : O : [
Years ago we got an angry call from a client - First American Association. Of course the mailing label only had room for First American Ass. After that it was company policy to just type in Aso. for any company with Association in the name.
Ass. Comments above. :-)
So, is Ass Cream Cake iced with diaper rash ointment?
You can’t convince me that at least some of these are deliberate skullduggery perpetrated by disgruntled employees. “Toilet Slime Neon Ass” in particular.
Well welsh ass fudge made my brain explode and now I cannot stop laughing. Which means I now need clown cakes to scare the hiccups I am sure to get away lmao.
Oh, and for anyone wondering what the neon toilet slime is: It's a toy, a tiny plastic toilet filled with silly putty. They come in various neon colours.
I used to work in a blood bank. When people donated blood, they were asked to write on the history card what their occupation was.. One time at a computer manufacturing site, a guy wrote "Man Ass", which was short for "manufacturing associate". We thought that it was fine as it written. :) The guy swore that he didn't write that on purpose, that was the 'official' shortened title. We figured that a woman in HR made it up.
"We had a new job on our team they originally called Associate Support Specialist, but when we pointed out the acronym it was changed..." - StLMetroMom
Not just an acronym of A.S.S., it could also be abbreviated to Ass. Support Specialist. ;)
I'm outside sitting on my deck watching the antics of all the birds around the feeders. Then I read this post. I burst out laughing so hard I scared all the birds away!
Back in the late 90s I worked for a newspaper, typing up box scores from high school sports games. Occasionally I'd have to get obituary notices off the fax machine. (YES, fax machine.) One church that regularly sent them to us was the First Assembly of God. Which, unfortunately, was abbreviated on the sender's address to First Ass of God.
I'm going to Hell for thinking it's funny.
@Louise: "So, you work as a GIRDLE??"
The "Association" for the neighborhood I live in has this unfortunate abbreviation on the sign in front of our clubhouse... I've been laughing at it for 15 years and wondering if I'm the only one who's ever noticed. =-)
How did management not see it when they put the signs up?
... or perhaps they did and just like seeing a little ASS at work...
I showed this post to my dad and he laughed until his face was red and he was wheezing. He also told me a story that my uncle, a park ranger, told him. A few years ago he worked for customer service at the visiting center at the Grand Canyon. There was this one dude from the south who was calling about his and his wife's upcoming trip to the canyon. He asked if they had any asses at the canyon and my uncle said with the best poker face he could muster, that yes, there are mule trains at the canyon. So then the dude leans away from the receiver and my uncle hears him yell "HEY HONEY! THEY GOT ASSES AT THE CANYON!" They finished the call and as soon as they hung up my uncle was on the floor dying. Apparently working at customer service has its perks.
These remind me of my favorite store receipt ever. I bought some cute little plastic hooks to hang on the wall, that were shaped like the rear-end of dogs, so the hook part was a wagging tail. (This was an IKEA purchase.) When I looked at my receipt, I laughed out loud that I had bought a pair of "Ass Hooks"!! Truly that is what they were! (I assumed the store was actually abbreviating the word "assorted"...but either way it worked out very well.) :)
Love the avocado one. Heck, love 'em all.
My company was using some stock images in a product, and marketing picked out a great city street scene - until I pointed out the "Huge Ass Beer" sign on the store in the corner. Yeah. That got cut.
Ah, I am reminded of the establishment that offered multiple forms of entertainment, but, for reasons related to local statutes, could not serve alcoholic beverages and host gambling in the same room, or in rooms accessed by the same entrance. Hence the sign out front, "Liquor in the Front; Pocker in the Rear."
A little twist on the "I hardly know 'er!" joke.
My wife doubled over laughing in our local grocery store's produce aisle some years ago. They had Shiitake mushrooms on special. First, they spelled Shiitake with one too few I's. Then the sign just HAD to say MSHRMS - SHIITAKE. But there wasn't enough room for the whole word, so they broke THE WORD Shiitake in two.
Yup. The line break came after the first syllable of Shiitake, (with too few I's).
The same store had a sale on Coke and Spite one Christmas. My wife started carrying a Sharpie marker after that.