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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
May242016

WHO'S CRAZY NOW?!

I once mentioned on Twitter how much I love rainy days, because I never have to go outside. Then I might have said something about going 5 or 6 days without leaving the house, and hellooooo, Judgey McJudgersons!

Look, internet people, I don't need your pity. I HAVE CATS.

Besides, I DO leave the house on occasion. Sometimes even voluntarily. However, with Florida basically a giant steam sauna filled with mosquitoes right now, I prefer getting my sunshine through a window - and with the A/C at full blast, thankyouverymuch.

Some people think a lack of live social interaction can make you go a little funny in the head, but I say the opposite is true. In fact, every day I see perfectly socialized bakers churning out silent, frosting-soaked pleas for psychological intervention:

The sign says, "Turkey shaped cake." Tell me this isn't a cry for help.

 

And I'm not talking about special orders here, where you could understand, say, Darth Vader riding a My Little Pony. I'm talking the stuff they put out in the display cases, for all the world to see and quietly back away from, being careful to make no sudden movements.  

We call it, "Someone please just make the voices stop screaming."

[P.S. - Two words: "Blue boobs."]
[You're welcome.]

 

And now, edible ghost chickens, because, yeah, that's perfectly normal:

 "Bok Bok B'WoooOOOooo!"

 

The person who made this deals with people all day. 

 

Let's all take a moment to really let this one sink in:

 

This, too:

 And these:

Let's just say I wouldn't invite this baker over to babysit.

(Why are there ghost flies around the edge? And two monsters hiding beside the crib? WHY?)

 

For all the days I've spent peacefully working at home, it's never once occurred to me to make edible toes out of gummi rabbits. 

...and that almost makes me sad; I bet this baker's head would be a fun place to visit.

 

I clearly remember my pre-blog days, of course, back when I had "normal," people-riddled work places. The worst was the return desk at a TJ Maxx. After a day of dealing with deranged customers who insisted the waffle iron that still had waffles in it was "never used," I'm pretty sure even these would've looked like a good idea:

The trick is to eat them before they start talking.


So remember, extroverts, before you judge us hermits hiding behind the blinds and dressing our cats as Stargate characters, sometimes getting out of the house isn't always the answer.

Sometimes people just do better on their own. 

And sometimes the mutant Strawberry Ladybug thing just needs to die.

[twitch]

 


Hey Jill E., Niomi W., Anony M., Brocha S., Kelly W., Susan K., Carolyn T., Bethany, & Dani S, party at my place? Doctor Meow-Kay and Tail-La would love to meet you!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

« The Bakery At The End Of The Universe | Main | A Reptile Dysfunction »

Reader Comments (49)

Finally, an answer to my 47-year-old well-used torso--blue paint!

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

…Now, maybe… just maybe, the "fun" characters on that first cake are just clown heads stuck on raw plucked turkey bodies in various poses… sort of like a reverse on the classic Mr. Bean scene where he had a turkey stuck on his head. (That's as close as I can get to making rather nebulous sense of the label on the first cake)

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Umm...yeah....I'm going to need to see a Teal'cat picture now.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMinda

Ghost chickens... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pkdci55adqk Enjoy.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJeff

What on earth were they going for in the first one?!?!

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterA fan

"go a little funny in the head", is that like telling jokes in the bathroom...Ba dum tss! *crickets chirping*

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDonnaB

Aw, c'mon... The little Jabba-the-Hut Cakes are cute... ish... Sorta... In a disturbing way... Never mind...

(Btw: How do YOU get the little Ronon Dex to stop trying to pull off and eat his bandoleer?)

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Social interaction is highly overrated.

Once during winter break, my daughter and I didn't leave the house for 7 days. My husband gave us severe stink eye, but ten years later my daughter and I both remember that break as the best vacation ever. And we travel a lot and do Comic-Con every year, so that is saying something.

I will never judge you.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersibputty

As far as the Gummi-Rabbit-Toe-Cake goes, I have only one thing to say:

GOOD GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING!!!

Also, from a fellow hermit, socializing is over-rated :)

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

Hee! I saw the blue boobs even before you mentioned them. (Why does that frosting ghost have boobs??)

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterErica

Introverts (ahhh, what can we do besides unite and protest everyone telling us we HAVE TO get out more, and be just like them........) Susan Cain said it really well in her book "Quiet" And these wrecks are perfect for the argument!

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermsanthrope

Thank-you. On an otherwise bleak day with sadness and loss, I'm sitting in front of my computer laughing helplessly. Who would have thought edible gummi rabbit toes could be therapeutic?

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPersephone

@DonnaB yes, that is exactly it :P I want to gently put those bakers on a plane and take them to Bellevue, which is quite lovely.....

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Don't forget is is just 8 days til the start of hurricane season, a magical time in Florida when residents keep their hurricane map right next to the TV remote. Humidity, heat, mosquitoes, lovebugs, hurricane season. Life is good in Florida when you have a work-at-home job and a good HVAC system.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTriciaL

For the baby cake, I saw the following in this order:
1) a toilet,
2) scared cave monsters, and
3) zombie bunnies.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

How could you not make the poultry-geist joke???

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterkaburi

Several of these cakes are frightening, but what I really want to know is what Stargate characters you are dressing poor Lily and Tonks as...

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

I think the baby cake is covered in sheep. It is obviously for a baby named Mary or for someone living in a big sheep area, where they let the livestock sleep in the baby's room. I'm not for one second saying that my theory is any more normal than your monster/ghost cake description, I just don't believe in monsters, but I've seen a sheep IRL. The rest defy even the most random farmer logic. Love it!!!

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

Introverts unite...separately...online...at home...

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMisti

I hid in the house in the summer when I lived in Georgia. Now that I live in Alaska, I hide in the winter.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterVericima

People judge you? They know nothing. BTW, you get out a LOT compared to me.
Introverts Unite!!

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin

I do interact with people on a daily basis, but I would prefer to spend time with a cat rather than ANY baker responsible for ANY of those wrecks.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLauraB

I really enjoy that the big toe is a chocolate egg versus a gummy rabbit. Really brings the Easter cake theme home.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

When will bakers learn that black icing and moisture lead to bad things happening?

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

The things in the jars reminded me of Bart Simpson's failed "transformation" project in a Treehouse of Hell episode: https://media3.giphy.com/media/8KhmLg6dM5sIM/200_s.gif

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

Ah yes, Florida in the spring. Mosquitos the size of chihuahuas, humidity guaranteed to make a cactus sweat. How I miss you, St Pete.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterdeb in atlanta

I'm pretty sure those 'ghost flies' are really magical bunny heads, just more Donnie Darko than Harvey. Further, I firmly believe that Mad World should be the theme song for this post.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Beth

I envy you. I have to leave the apartment every two or three days because I don't have a "John, husband of Jen" to go to the store for me.

I like the "baby sitting" cake. I see two brown dogs, hiding in their cosy beds, waiting to protect the baby from any intruders. Or from flies, trying (and failing) to disguise themselves as bunnies.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJane

I want some of whatever those clowns had. Look at their eyes! I can't fault them for wanting to have a little fun, though -- after all, they have to go back out after the show and clean up the horse (and deer) poop. And probably get paid in circus peanuts. The second cake with the blue schmucks wiggling their invisible straw hats like they're in a chorus line are likely a family! Dad, mom, brudder and sissie, and they're rattling tambourines, probably trying to drum up change for the bus back to the bakery. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of the oven. The next bunch is chicken****, too.Look at them! "Ooo, NOooooo- the sky is falling! The SKY IS FALLING!! Wahhh! The rest? Meh...why bother? (THEY didn't, much!) But, just remember, bakers: tomorrow is a brand new (work) day....And there's no place like stove.... =^-.-^=

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

On the baby cake, I thought it was a toilet with earless bunny slippers. After childbirth they won't let you leave the hospital until you poop. Maybe that's what the cake is for, celebrating the hospital-freeing poop.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAmy S.

Cake #2 is obviously a family of very cold featherless chickens. The one with the boobs is Mom.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterbluepepper28

The "foot" with the bunny ties reminds me of a novelty ice cream I used to get from the neighborhood ice cream truck in the 80s. Called Froze Toes, it was an ice cream bar/popsicle shaped like a foot with a gumball for the big toenail. Alas, it did not have gummy rabbits...
And I realize now that foot-shaped ice cream bars are probably just as bizarre as these cakes.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Hermits United! We'll get together every 10 years & swap stories about caves. It'll be good fun, for a hermit.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I am a very busy, socially active person, whom others see as an extrovert. However, I actually live for those days when I have no obligations and can stay at home, live in my pajamas, and never get a phone call. What bliss! Now that my husband is retired I see precious few of those days. I think that everyone needs a recharging day, or several if they can get them, and the world would be better for it. BTW, what gives with the bunny-toes cake? Looks like a manual on fungal diseases of the foot!

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryM

First of all, I love you! lol Thank you so much for this blog. Second, I actually laughed out loud at the ghost chicken noises. And lastly, I'm gonna go ahead and tell myself these monstrosities are for those who say "awwww it's too cute to eat!" Problem solved.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie H

Thank you, Jeff, for the U-Tube "Ghost Chickens" by Leroy Troy. Has that guitarist on the on the left (in the black hat) been in a Stephen King look-alike contest?

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJan, the Gryphon

Number two: The second figure has breasts. The third figure is the only one who is smiling.
Number six: I think the figures on the side are bunnies. The creatures flanking the bassinet: Scrubbing bubbles from all Dow bathroom cleaner you'll need?

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEoin

That yellow cake.. that was a crib? i thought it was a toilet.

May 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGina

The first one is a different breed of turkey. And cats are better company than most people.

May 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Is pretty much a hermit too so blah to the nay sayers lol. Besides with horrors like these out there do we really want to be out in public that much? Lol.

May 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Well, I reckon that first cake is a real turkey (and I don't mean bird sort)!

May 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMillieP

@deb in atlanta, don't forget the giant flying cockroaches on steroids we call palmetto bugs (because giant flying cockroaches sounds icky) and the humongous lubber grasshoppers that start out as cute little guys and get weirder and more psychedelic with every molting. But even they look better than that Strawberry Ladybug thing.

I just love these ideas you have applied on creating such cakes , thanks for sharing

May 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSky Lanterns

I give you the song "Ghost Chickens in the Sky" http://www.moosebutter.com/lyrics.php/ghost-chickens-in-the-sky#

May 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I can spend many weeks without going out, for the good reason that I'm both introvert and agoraphobic. Such a relief to not have to bear some people's shallowness (I mean the sort of people who calls you a hermit and pity you, because you sometimes need 3 days at home to rest). I simply don't get how dealing with people on a daily basis makes someone a superior individual.

June 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLeina

The Baby Cake. Its even better than "flies", those are Donnie Darko rabbit faces circling the cake!
Now think about them alone in the bakery in the early hours of the morning, slowly piping each one on & smiling.......

July 6, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLee GH

Omg, these are killing me XD It's 1am and I'm having to cover my laughter or I'm gonna wake the entire house XD

August 14, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterWolfy

How does someone drop so low as to returning a waffle iron with a waffle in it? And then, saying <I>"It's never been used!"</I>?

April 30, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJelli

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