My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Secret's Out

Sometimes when I tell people that John and I have been married for 17 years now, they exclaim in shock, "What, did you get married when you were twelve?!" And then we laugh and laugh until I wake up and cry a little.

The times I'm not dreaming, though, people sometimes ask what our "secret" is.  I assume they mean the secret to a happy marriage, and not that thing that happened at the fair, because how would they know about that?

So. The secret to a happy marriage?



Yep, nothing bolsters a relationship more than eloquently of affection. 

And stuff.



What's more, this kind of mushiness isn't just for your weeding day!



Now, admittedly, John is a lot better at this than I am, but I've learned to follow his lead and try to say something romantical every single day.



I know it can be hard for you naturally romantic chatterboxes to understand us more silent and stoic types, but the truth is sometimes we just don't know how to express what we're feeling.

And other times you'll have to cut us a little slack because, hey, at least we're trying.


 [creepy grin] Aheheheheh. PREEETTY.


But really, I can't stress this one point enough:




And if you want to keep your spouse on his or her toes, try celebrating your next anniversary like this:

 Not that *I* would ever do such a thing, of course. No, I prefer to write John heartfelt missives of the feelings my heart feels. Kind of like this bakery's delivery box:

[turning on slow, sultry beat] 

[grabbing mic] 

[talking over doo-wop back-up singers]

 John, sweetie? There is no need reason. [draping self over piano] You fall - you FALL! - in love with my freedom. [raising roof]  HEE-HEE! So open that window, baby - yes, OPEN IT! So that the soul of my soul and your soul and our souls - oh yes - [sliding to front of stage on knees] embracing you. [biting lip] Unnng. Yeah, boy. UH.


Thanks to Judie V.,  Melanie S., Anony M., Whitney B., Heather R.,  Stephanie & Aaron, Anony M., & Melinda H., for helping me express myself. Like to enjoy the heart was affected, guys. LIKE TO ENJOY.


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Reader Comments (40)

I thought #3 said, "congratulations on your breeding," which is also very romantical.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Thanks for the needed giggles

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Dear God, was the inscription on that last cake run through Babelfish until it broke? Talk about lost in translation!

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRoxy Random

Ahhh. Someone used Babblefish® to translate that last bit from _______ (fill in foreign language here) to something resembling English. How nice.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Whaaaaaaaaaat is going on with that last picture???? That is the definition of Word Salad.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLiz B

Advice I heard from long ago: "You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose." It has served me well.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGoose

Trying not to cry from laughter in front of my boss.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJen

I'd be excited to get a cake or cookie today that declared I had nice clavicles. My right elbow is awfully sexy too, just for the record.

Hope you're all happy and well! In Wyoming we are socked under about two feet of snow today. Got stuck in the street while pulling out of my driveway on the way to work. Good times.

@SuBee you made me laugh as much as Jen's posts did today.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Sexiest Engrish ever.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Nah, it must have been e e cummings. bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I hope whoever did the "sexy voice" post for the hot Ken cakes a few years ago will hop on it again and do the same sexy voice video for that last picture. "hey, behbeh.... how you doin..." That's got to be one of my faves now.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

@SuBee...I thought it said 'breeding' too! thanks for the laugh SuBee and Jen!

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered Commentercookiemama

Well you really can't deny the importance of AsS in a happy marriage.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterZeenia

THANK YOU FOR THE LAUGHS! They help keep me sane.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJane

@SuBee and Cookiemama: I like what you saw--I thought it said "Kneeing". Ouch. But I thought there were random little hearts about some of the letters, which I translated to the snarky "Luv, luv" I get from my daughter after she makes a snarky comment. (later I discovered it was just curly tails on the crossbars of the t)

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterdrgs4vr

Like, wow, man. ...that last one, mannn.....really (sound of bongos)....sends .! Yeeaahhh!. ..Feel the cake, man.... =^e.e^=

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That last photo brought back many memories for me. When my hubby was in the military, we spent 5 years in Japan. We saw signs like this on a daily basis. After a while, they actually started to make sense to me. That's when I knew we had to return

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

That last has got to be Japanglish. We saw so much of that "just barely makes sense if you REALLY think about it" while we lived over there.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLJ

That last one had do have gone through three or four rounds of Google Translate!

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterStevie

Oh my goodness gracious, I usually love looking at the cakes, but when I see you decide to break out in song and dance at the end, which who even knows how to interpret that...poem?... I figure washing the toilets can wait another min while i vividly imagine you prancing around a stage! <3

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCrystal Horton

I LOVE Jen talking over the doo-wop singers, I swear I can hear her...hmmmmm I may want to get that checked out.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJoy

So glad to see I'm not the only one who saw "Breeding" o stead of "Weeding." Though, perhaps the bakery should do some weeding so the misspellings don't go breeding.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterIndigo

I like to imagine the owner of the last bakery is a Shiba Inu. Wow. Much cake. Very wreck.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLuLu

@ Jodi;
Nice reference to The Mikado, and the attributes of Katishaw.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Speaking for myself, my left big toe is WAAAAAAAAY nicer than my clavicles. Just sayin'.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

For the record, if anyone is listening...I would never, ever buy a cake with a nose on it. Just sayin'

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

Made. My. Face. Hurt. Can't. Stop. Giggling very quietly so I don't guffaw out loud. Beaufully inspired Engrish. I had a bag with a very familiar cartoon dog printed on it and under the dog in huge letters was written SPOONY. 1 . .2. . ah, I knew you'd get it.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAdo_Annie

I hope I wasn't the only person to read that last one in the voice of William Shatner.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArianwen

Perhaps it's the unassuming black-and-white photo or the frosting globs, but for some reason, I'm finding "Celebrating our First Marriage" even funnier than the others. Talk about romantical!

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCaro

What a timely theme! Today is my 18th Wedding Anniversary, and my husband and I are not mushy people either. We eloped on a Monday morning on our way to the airport for a vacation (which became our honeymoon) and came back a week later to tell everyone. I think stoic and simple is the way to go! <3

P.S. We got married when we were 12, too. :-D

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

A college boyfriend told me I had nice clavicles. Unfortunately that was not enough to keep us together. Perhaps if he had said it with a cookie ...

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHellaide

That last one MUST be Japangish, right? I saw so much like that when I was in Tokyo...

March 31, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

did I read that right? "congratulations on your breeding"

March 31, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAmelia

The Engrish one and "Weeding" are nice, but don't beat "Celebrating our First Marriage". O tempora, o mores!

March 31, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAthena

My husband and I have been married for 37 years. To each other. If you ask HIM the secret to a long marriage, he will answer: "Don't kill each other."

Works for me, too.

Congratulations on your 17 years! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!

March 31, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHairfish

Nice clavicles was a line in a movie someplace wasn't it? O lawsey no, it is a current 'thing' for ultra skinny young girls. Can't we put a net over the fashion/beauty fiends? Isn't nuclear war, terrorism, and trump enough to worry about without fretting over collar bones?

March 31, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterVixx

Cake 7 reminds me of the time when my brother took over command of the local naval reserve center, the newspaper published an announcement article that basically ran through his professional resume, and ended with "the Commander is currently married to..."
My sister in law was NOT amused.

March 31, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterColin M.

And I thought #3 said " Congratulations on your Weeding" - guess I have gardening on the brain and not being all romantical and stuff.

March 31, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

I died laughing at the first one my hubby saw it and added clown to the end and made me laugh even harder for some reason. I am easily amused apparently.. oh wreckerators how you make my night..mares most nights.

April 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

I, too, thought cake #3 said "breeding."
And that last picture... poetry, pure poetry. Think I'll use that as my vows if I ever get married.
Like to enjoy, indeed.

April 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

It's NOT "romantical." It's "romantic." "Romantic" is an adjective, "romantical" isn't a word. I'm just trying to keep my grammar.

June 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGarnet

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