7 More Things That Should Never Be On Cake
February 10, 2016 And now, as a service to our readers' dieting endeavors:
7 MORE Things That Should Never Be On Cake
7. Anything that looks like a spleen
;)
Also, why is the spleen the go-to organ for icky descriptions? You never hear someone say, "Hey, that organesque thing sure looks like a gallbladder!" Which begs the questions: is "organesque" a word? 'Cuz if not, it totally should be.
6. Shrimp
;)
Because shrimp.
5. Nipples
;)
Hey, don't get me wrong; nipples are great. Heck, I even have one myself. But cake should not have nipples. It just shouldn't. And the fact that I had to bring that sentence into the world makes me seriously question the direction this country is going.
4. Ants
Because anything I spend time and money trying to kill should not be something I have to pick off my cake.
3. Actual Feathers Plucked From Actual Birds
;)
Let me get this straight: you jammed real feathers into the icing you expect me to eat?
So how about I fetch a beaver pelt and throw that sucker on there, too? Because if there's one thing we've learned about cake decorating, it's that animal outsides are both appetizing and completely sanitary!
2. Mold
;)
BAKERS WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.
1. Back hair
;)
Actually, this is kind of hilarious.
Assuming those are chocolate shavings, of course.
***
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THOSE ARE CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS.
Thanks to wreckporters Kathryn B., Kerrigan W., Ashlee, Kelly G., Rocky J., Tami F., & Anony M. for the inspiration to just have a salad today.
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Reader Comments (57)
You have ONE nipple? How are others not asking the most relevant question from this post?!
Folks who want weird stuff on their cake (feathers, ants, ribbon, whatever) should be made to eat their cake off of fur covered dishes, something like this:
http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2016/02/09/466061492/luncheon-in-fur-the-surrealist-tea-cup-that-stirred-the-art-world
Now I have an urge.. an urge to never ever eat cake again. Ugh wreckerators just want us all on diets and miserable just like they appear to be lol. Back hair?? On a cake.. oh bleh...
I used to be friends with a brazilian family that made something that looked like the shrimp cake. It was cuscous molded like a bundt cake round with a ton of shrimp on top. A sort of shrimp and grits. It was delicious. Not an ounce of sugar in it :)
They sure did a great job getting that pink icing to look just like real shrimp.
My guess is that the "Hairy Back" cake is actually meant to say what it says--in other words, it's a pun, for someone who's taking a leave of absence or going on a trip. It's kind of funny. Kind of gross, but kind of funny.
The moldy cake probably isn't mold. Whoever did the cake most likely used black sanding sugar sprinkled all over, then the cake was frozen, then defrosted, and the sugar melted and bled. I worked at a place that did that ALL the time. They prefect rated cakes and froze them, then pulled them out to load into the cake case as needed. Never used black sugar, but other sugars and sprinkles totally bled all over white frosting.