Fall's Fails
October 5, 2016 Fall is officially upon us here in Florida, as evidenced by the fact that it's a blustery 78 degrees outside tonight. (Don't worry; I've already broken out the scarves, sweaters, furry boots, and electric blanket, just to be safe.)
The other way you can tell it's Fall, though - besides all the Floridians in snowsuits - is the fall-tastical offerings in our nation's bakeries:
;)
It's a...um...leaf.
I think.
;)
Theoretically I KNOW this isn't a Can-Can dancer lifting her skirts, but darned if I can see anything else.
;)
Because nothing says, "MMAAAUUUURGGHHH!!!" like a Hay Beast with peek-a-boo breasticles.
(HAY-O!)
Well, except maybe the Bell-Bottomed Scare Bear of Perpetual Perplexity:
;)
He's Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Stayin' Alive.
Oooh, and if your birthday happens to fall during Fall, then you also have these fun options:
;)
Thanks to this cake and John's alarmingly comprehensive knowledge of slang words, I now know that "nut" is also a verb.
I don't recommend looking it up.
Here's one for our pyromaniac fans:
;)
My deer, you are on FIRE tonight!
Also, I think I'd have that lump checked out. Just sayin'.
And finally, this bakery helpfully reminds us that Fall is "Harevet Time"
;)
So get those bunnies in for their yearly check-ups ASAP, hear?
Thanks to Kiki, Nancy M., Addie H., Sarah T., Bevin, Tanya S., & Shelley for the nice trips.
*****
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Reader Comments (41)
After several false starts (asparagus and tomatoes?) The Squire figured the second cake is supposed to be pumpkins and a corn sheaf. Obviously done by somebody who has never seen either one.
#2 at first looked like a bunch of white Asparagus und tomatos on a serving platter.
Then I saw that to tomatos are probably pumpkins, so either baby pumpkins or ginormous asparagus.
Haystack in a pumpkin field with white sky as background?
The third one is weirdly endearing, like someone's twinkly-eyed granddad.
The deer cake ... deer by baker, leaves (?) by baker's 6 year old child who, fifteen minutes earlier, discovered the coffee liqueur. And let his pet gerbil run loose in the shop. The gerbil, named Lumpy, was never seen again.
The first one is obviously a hot air balloon…minus the hot air, and the second one is a bundle of white asparagus with roasted tomatoes on a pile of mashed potatoes outlined with mustard.…Okay, just lost my appetite
#3 is not too bad, but the rest ARE.
The frightened deer and
Asparagus remind us
It's haravet time
NEW GAME!!!!
How many times can you insert "Peek-a-boo breasticles" into a conversation?
........
<crickets>
........
I kind of love #3. He's like the mascot for the Island of Misfit Cakes.
I thought #2 was upside-down at first - I kept trying to see it as a very pale tree with a kid-scribble undifferentiated leaf blob at the bottomtop, though I never could figure out why a fried egg was hiding behind it. Then I remembered most trees, even those with a kid-scribble undifferentiated leaf blob, don't actually have tomatoes for leaf blobs.
In fairness, if the Bell-Bottomed Scare Bear of Perpetual Perplexity was being used for a Five Nights at Freddy's themed party, it could pass as an adequately frightening Freddy Fazbear.
Maybe Dr. Pimple Popper should take a look at that lump on cake #6.
Is that a barrette in the Hay Beast's "hair"?
Keeps hay out of the eyes I guess.
About the deer one, I only have one thing to say:
We made it! We made it, Mother! We... Mother? MOOOOTHER!
Okay, yeah, I know I'm going to hell. But it was worth it. :p
Apparently I'm a 12-year-old boy today, because I cannot stop laughing at the can-can dancer. Why that glob of brown frosting THERE, wreckerator, WHY?!?!
I also love how someone poked the lump. I would have had to poke it too.
Huh. I know "nut" from British slang; it means to head-butt someone.
I just like that on the tag for the last cake, it says outright, "Scarecrow Fence Marble Layer Cake", lest there be any confusion.
This might seem like overkill, but considering how they spell "Harvest", perhaps it's just weary experience.
I'm not sure which I find more disturbing: the HayBeastie (this should be at Knotts Scary Farm in Buena Park fer shure), the deer (oblivious to being consumed by flames) or the moronic miss-spelling of "harvest" - now THAT'S the scariest of ALL! You guys make my day! MaryO1230
That first one is a Fall Sea Cucumber, OBVIOUSLY!
The second is a charming still life featuring albino asparagus, ripe tomatoes, and those things from "Slither".
The third and fourth are... Disturbing my calm... Moving on...
Five is a visual allegory about man's inhumanity to acorns. Or something.
Six is making me hungry for Venison. A nice, rare, Venison steak. Nom... .. ... Ahem... ANYway...
Seven is what happens on "Bring Your Kid To Work At The Bakery" Day.
LOL, I think the acorn one is supposed to be "Nuts Over You", as in "I'm crazy for you".
At first I thought the second one was white asparagus and tomatoes in a halo of glory. Then maybe I thought it might be weirdly red pumpkins and a hay sheaf with a billowing fart?
The first cake looks like someone with heroic flatulence was lighting said fumes with a match. What does it say about me that that was the very first thing that came to my mind?
I believe the first one is a fart someone lit on fire.
I thought the first one was a slab of bacon! :)
The last one is labeled a "1.5 layer marble round cake." HALF a layer?
The first one HAS to be lava! Right!?
I've obviously been totally ruined by Cakewrecks, because the first thing I saw in cake 2 was a bunch of randy tomatoes: "OK boys, now altogether, UP!". VERY unsure about those poop worms though
Raybob - Billowing fart. Definitely.
Melanie E. - No! You DON'T SAY!!!! huh.
Second one is upside-down. It's (supposedly) a tree with fall colors on a floating cloud backdrop (since the baker didn't know where to stick the extra cupcakes)
I see white asparagus (much less flavor than the green kind, in my opinion) with tomatoes, too.
A 1.5 layer cake? Is that a thing now?
I am obviously losing my mind because it's 99 degrees outside in Central Texas, but I think that Hay Beast is adorable.
That can-can dancer has a poorly placed, um...."pumpkin stem"....uh...right in the .....ahem...middle there.
Thanks to the Hay Beast's "MMAAAUUUURGGHHH", I can't get the sound of murlocs out of my head.
Oh, I Googled. I GOOGLED...
I looked it up.
Who's imagination comes up with these things? Especially a hay beast?
The Deer on Fire cake? That's no moon.
Cake #2 I believe is of white asparagus and tomatoes. But I could. be wrong.
Any one of these would be good for an entire post. I'm laughing so hard I'm coughing. Pre-cooked venison, anyone?! Even the tree is on fire. Perhaps the lurid clouds are hiding the smoke.
Hay monster or Saucy Farm Leprechaun? Eh? ;)
Ugh 78 degrees is still too warm for me, drop it to 60 and then I'll think it's more like fall....
Oh the poor deer caught in a forest fire lol. What a cake to give someone. As for that hay monster thing even my husband was stumped looking at it. I thought it was a flattened scarecrow lol.
Laughed 'til I cried. Thanks Jen and everybody!
I thought I was the only one who said breastickles!