Yes, Bakers Are Still Making Disgusting Baby Shower Cakes
January 7, 2016 Warning: Graphic cakes of a medical nature to follow. Hide the kids, and hold on to your appetites!
Additional Helpful Warning from john (the hubby of Jen): There's lady bits ahead.
Remember when all we had to worry about on baby shower cakes was the occasional creepy doll or demonic ultrasound photo?
Next were the boob and belly cakes, because apparently moms-to-be harbor sado-cannabalistic tendencies:
;)
Then they added those Alien-inspired belly-burster baby feet - which is SUPER fun to say three times fast. (Go on, try it. You know you want to.)
Soon even celebs like Christina Aguilera were getting in on the gross-out-your-guests act:
;)
So how do you top edible naked moms giving birth?
Why, make the cake wet plastic shiny and embed a bunch of CLEAR GELATIN, of course.
;)
Mmm, that's the stuff.
Or you could go for classic realism:
;)
Sure, everyone will 'ooh' and 'ahhh' - until the carving knife comes out.
("No, no, YOU serve." "No, you!" "Maybe we'll just have ice cream.")
(If you need more nightmares, just look at this baby cake being sliced.)
But for maximum hurkin'-in-the-gherkins, there's really no beating the spread leg, peek-a-boo head:
;)
With extra jam filling.
Hang on, it's missing something. No, not feet. Or a torso. Or common decency.
PUBIC HAIR!
;)
Ah, so much better.
But really, aren't those legs kind of, I dunno, unnecessary?
I mean, let's get back to basics, people:
;)
All a good dessert needs is stretched vagina lips, and a crowning fetus head. Am I right, or am I right?
Thanks to Kasey V., Sandy R., Linda G., Darren W., Devon H., Lynds, & Maggie for understanding that there was really no good way to censor those last three, short of blacking out the whole photo. Which would be preferable, but less educational.
*****
Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.
Reader Comments (70)
Well welcome to 2016 more disturbing than 2015 with these cakes lol. Wow just when I thought it was safe I had to ignore the warning lol oh well up all night now.
Ye gods! If I hadn't been asexual before seeing these cakes I would be now...
Thanks for that. I recently have gone gluten free, and now I no longer crave cake!
If there was ever a chance of me having children, it is gone now. Why? Why would anyone want to serve those cakes? I get the cake decorators; they're just doing their job. But who ordered them? How are there multiple cakes like that in existence? Did these people all have baby showers thrown by hardcore frienemies or what?
At first, I thought that hyperrealistic baby lying on their side was hilariously flipping us the bird, as if to say "FU, I'm trying to sleep here" alas, it was the ring finger
Im scared help me 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
Four is actually beautifully sculpted - and that's its problem. I really don't want to see a knife going into it.
When I looked at Christina Aguilera's cake, I saw two adult torsos attached at the waist. Go ahead, look again and tell me that's not there.
belly-burster baby feet, doo-dah, doo-dah
UGH WHY PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP.
Sorry for the capslock. I just... can't.
@ Craig T - "Lawrence of a labia". Hahaha! Craig are you the " Craig" of "theadare" fame? Please forgive me if I wrote "theadare's" name wrong...
If anyone wants me, I'll be on Web MD, trying to find out what part of my brain remembers these cakes so I can snip it out with some scissors.
Not disgusting enough. I want bloody ripping marks, forceps, scissors and needle with catgut for the stitches. Hey, if you want to picture the glorious effort of pushing a baby out, you should be honest to add the probabilities going with it.
At least I hope no one has done "C-Section" cakes.
Now I can skip health class! :)
The sixth one is E.T's birth
If I went to a baby shower and saw a cake like the ones in this article, I would not want to eat a piece. The "PUSH" cakes and giving birth cakes with anatomical correctness and "blood" are disgusting. They're not funny or cute or even edible as far as I am concerned. Shame! Shame! Shame!
Has anyone ever done a frank breech cake? That would be hilarious for an obstetrician's shower cake. Of course I'm an emergency physician with a horrible sick sense of humor so if I got one of these at my upcoming shower I'd laugh my arse off.
Nah, I'll just hang out here by the front door....
Yep.Time to go to bed.
Forever.