U.S. Bakeries Predict A Bad Spell
September 8, 2015 [Breaking News] In a landmark decision that will no doubt affect all of our nation's cake lovers, the 5 major U.S. bakery chains released a joint statement today declaring, "No more happy birthdays."
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"There comes a time when every corporation must acknowledge the truth," stated vice president Rex Tokum of the Your Dough, Your Tiers baking conglomerate.
"The truth is, it is impossible for all of our bakers to know how to spell 'happy birthday,' so as of today, we will no longer require them to."
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When asked what this decision will mean for consumers, Tokum replied, "Look, the important thing is they're still getting cake. And at the end of the day, I'm pretty sure their kids won't care if it's spelled [using finger quotes] 'correctly' or not."
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"We'll be encouraging creative expression," Tokum continued. "So long as there are a few correct letters and the general spirit of a happy birthday is present, our bakery employees will not be required to 'fix' any 'mistakes.'" (Tokum was again using finger quotes.)
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Predictably, this decision has caused some backlash from the educational community. In fact, this reporter was planning on getting some quotes from the local school board, but then this reporter heard there was cake in the break room.
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(I'm still not sure what the occasion was, but hey, CAKE. Am I right?)
Fortunately, there is hope on the horizon for you grammar-sticklers out there:
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Plastic icing.
It's a perfect solution: elegant, fool-proof, and non-biodegradable.
To quote Rex Tokum, "I see a day coming when no baker has to spell OR decorate. We're just trying to get that day here a little faster."
Here, here, Rex. HEAR HEAR.
Thanks to Chad F., Walter B., Derick J., Amy S., Angela K., Julie W., Jean D., Kristy R., & Emily A. for finding just a few of the hundreds of misspelled "happy birthday"s we see every month.
Yes, the future's so bright, we're gonna need a flashlight.
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Reader Comments (34)
I know why there was cake in the breakroom: it was Rex's last day! He was fired!
Teachers were bribed with cake so they remain silent about this new rule.
Or maybe they were relieved because many of them don't know either how to spell "Happy Birthday".
I'm curious about the "Appy 1st Birthd ay" cake- did they spell the name correctly at least? Because that's an awfully funny spelling for whatever name that is.
Is that plastic icing dishwasher safe? Any chance of it being "recycled"?
Lord. The future of our "contry" ROTFLMAO!
*kerchoo* Habby Birthday *kerchoo* K, now i really don't want to buy your cake...
I googled "plastic icing" thinking it MUST be a joke. Whatever happened to the sugar decorations you could buy if you weren't handy with an icing tube? I got an entire page of links to fondant-related web pages, which is pretty much how I feel about fondant too.
Aside from the missing "H", improperly divided "birthday", and horrific spelling of the name (which is another peeve for another site), that 1st birthday cake is pretty.
Those plastic faux-icing words look to be stuck in place with chewing gum.
Who else besides me saw that 4th cake and hoped the baker had misspelled the poor kid's name, too?
Nonono
Wouldn't it be loverly if decorators learned ow to spell? (I'm going to spend the rest of the day singing "Just You Wait".)
All I have to say is this, HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. :)
Technically, the first one was spelled correctly even if they don't know how to write cursive legibly... they just added a "Fack You", which may or may not have been misspelled (I'm sort of hoping for the "not"). The second one came *so* close... they forgot to cross the "t" (or l?)... and they forgot the "a". Oh well, welcome to 'Murica. Please leave your brain along with your hat at the door as you enter. Also, I agree with pretty much everybody else... I'm actually hoping they spelled the kid's name wrong on the 4th cake. I *think* it is supposed to say "KYNLIEGH" which is a very unusual name, but it looks more like "KYNLTEEH".
My liver is not looking forward to that Heppy Birthday.
I think they concentrated so hard on how to spell "Kynliegh," they were too exhausted to put the "H" in front of "appy."
I can't help but think of Owl's spelling in "Winnie-the-Pooh": HIPY PAPY BTHUTHDTH THUTHDA BTHUTHDY. Seems that a whole lot of Owl's friends and relations have been hired in American bakeries.
I saw the plastic Happy Birthday myself for the first time yesterday. I couldn't believe it, either. But, we've always had options available, they just weren't as realistic as this one.
I think the decorator had the letters on the table for "Kathleen" and then dropped them, so she wrote the name from memory. No? And I don't mean to be unkind - really! I worked for years in the medical field - but do some of these cakes look as if they were written by a Parkinson's patient?
I'm dying to know if the name is spelled correctly on that 4th cake too!
I used to be embarrassed by my homemade cakes, but after looking at these so-called professional messes, I feel pretty good. Thanks, CakeWrecks!
I think the cake with the Oreos on it was made by the Swedish Chef from the Muppets. It makes more sense in his voice: "Heppy Bierthday Yess" :)
I love Cake Wrecks, but sometimes these misspelling posts feel like kicking poor, illiterate, grocery store employees while they're down...
[Editor's note- Aw, I don't think they're illiterate. Frazzled? Yes. Too busy to fix a mistake? Sure. But even the best bakers make mistakes. And you have to admit, spelling should be a prerequisite for cake decorating, don't you think? -john (the maker of mistakes)]
Did anyone look at that jelly roll cake with "H day Wendy" and think of that joke with the punchline "Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day"?? <Yes, I went there>
The 6th cake looks like the one Hagrid gives to Harry.
"Habby Birthday" is my new favorite thing. I am going to start saying it to people and see if they notice.
I love this website! Thank you for all the wrecky goodness, it makes my day!
I'm thinking Kynliegh is misspelled as well... should probably be Kynleigh.
"Your Dough, Your Tiers". That is the best pun/fake business name EVER!
I can't find the spelling mistake in the last one. Are you sure you meant to put that cake in this post?
I ordered a cake for my son one time. The baker actually spelled happy birthday correctly. However, it was supposed to say congratulations.
Julia- the last one is spelled correctly because the baker didn't actually pipe the words... they're plastic words adhered to the cookie with a dot of icing per word. :)
Heidi- Bahahahahaha! That's hilarious- and sad. Maybe the decorator just went with his/her strengths? :)
K Michelle But how are they going to eat it then?
I, too, am curious (read: concerned) about the spelling of the name on the fourth cake. It looks like Kynltegh, which cannot be a real name, but I'm struggling to come up with a similar name it could be a misspelling of. Other commenters are saying Kynleigh, but seriously... is that a real name? o_O
Holy moly, please tell me that Kynliegh was misspelled by the wreckorator, too! I can't blame them for accidentally leaving a letter off Happy if the parents butchered their kid's name like that. Probably thought the parents wouldn't notice, or would maybe even like it :P