When Chocolate Turns Crappy
September 14, 2015 Yesterday we saw some stunning chocolate wedding cakes.
However, there is a dark side to chocolate - and I'm not talking the extra tasty dark chocolate side.
(mmmm)
No, I'm talking about Unfortunately Poo-Like Usage of Ganache Decor, or U-PLUGD.
;)
U-PLUGD is running rampant through our nation's bakeries, my friends, and causes needless snort-giggle gagging every day!
Whether it's smeary:
;)
Runny:
;)
Splashing forth in fecally fountains:
;)
Scared...
;)
Demanding...
;)
Uhh... hang on.
What were we talking about, again?
Oh, right!
Even The Cheesecake Factory has fallen victim to U-PLUGD:
;)
Too extreme, guys. TOO EXTREME.
And what the heck is happening here??
;)
So, in conclusion, please don't let Unfortunately Poo-Like Usage of Ganache Decor happen to you or someone you love. Speak out. Get educated!
;)
And maybe ask for a different border color next time.
o.0
Thanks to Jennifer C., Beth, Dani R., Anony M., Jessica C., Jess N., Craig T., Teresa Y., & Cynthia E. for roping in that last one.
*****
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Reader Comments (36)
As crappy :P as these cakes look I'd still eat them because chocolate.
I get a bigger laugh out of the ads at the end of your daily blog;
BUT how about today's product; Yes, you're sitting there on the john with your brand new Do-it-yourself copper patina kit happily turning yourself into Rodan's The Thinker… or in this case; The Stinker. Hours of fun!
Are those badly done Pooh Sticks on Ava's cake?
At least one of the looks like Mr. Hanky.
The last one is horsecrap.
Tigger! Well, there IS a joke about knocking the Pooh right out of him, but I'm not going there! (Ha! GOING there)
The turkey feathers (leaves) are spectacular. Kinda like a jazz-hand feather sort of thing.
I just lost it at the Toy Story cake. Poor Woody. Maybe it was something he ate? (Like, one of these cakes.)
Who thought the smeary cake looked professional?!
Like my sister always says "ain't that some shtuff?"
I lost it at -UPLUGD, honestly. Best acronym ever.
OMG - Woody looks like he had bad diarrhea while walking all over the place O.o
Oh dear. Looks like Tigger went poo before he leapt on Pooh.
Up Pooh Creek without a paddle?
The 4th one, with the bright layers and flowers would have looked quite good, actually, if they had just left off the chocolate poo. The rest of it looks well done.
"I'm sorry, Tigger, but the lazy river will be closed the rest of the day because we have a fecal."
The second cake on the list: A Skid Mark Cake - how charming. (I was going to say cake #2, but there's enough #2 on this list for everyone!)
The UPLUGD is bad enough. Almost bad enough to put me off chocolate (ALMOST). But Pooh and Tigger doing the nasty with Piglet enjoying the ride hanging from Tigger's tail? Whose 2nd birthday would this be celebrating???
Poor Woody should really see a doctor.
And, what is that...thing...peeking out of the middle of the smeary cake? On second thought, I don't want to know!
Shouldn't that be UnPLUGD?
Bakers of the world, if you only learn one thing from Cake Wrecks, let it be this: Use a star tip for chocolate ganache, for the love of all things decent and not covered in poo.
I know wreck number five is a Poo Turkey, but I can't help thinking of him as Terrified Turd.
Hey, you'd do the same thing as Woody if you had a snake in your boot !
As gross-looking as that Cheesecake Factory one is, it's freaking delicious. I get it every time I go there.
So where did this movement of adding poo-swirls to cakes come from? I'm glad you assed...
Not too long ago, on the Islet of Langerhans, lived a primitive tribe of Borborygmies. They lived peacably together in quaint little villi. Although they were happy to spend their days worshipping at the porcelain throne of the goddess Melena, they could not get past the fact that they were, indeed, materially underprivileged. Their King, Sigmoid, was disturd at their unhappiness. All he wished for his people was for them to be regular. So he said,"My people! I have been cecum far and wide for a solution to our problem. It has never been dung before in our villi, but I think wee need to try manure fracturing."
So they set up a cottage industry, manure fracturing replicas of their goddess Melena. The project gained omentum, and soon they were selling their elegantly swirled sculptures at major super markets throughout the world. The stores were flushed with pride to be part of this fair trade arrangement, and the Borborygmies became quite wealthy.
But soon the steamy side of wealth took over their villi. The teenagers grew soft and developed the gall to listen to radical new music like The Moody Poos and Three Log Night. They indulged in far too much fine, young cannabis, and poisoned their minds with objectionable literature like "Diarrhea Of A Wimpy Kid." In short, success rectum.
And scat's the end of scat.
Joanne from GA made me laugh and laugh - thank you, Jen and Joanne! The one that's "splashing forth" and the one with the bandana design - if only the wreckerators had used a different color icing. If only...
And LB, I think it could be either U-PLUGD or UnPLUGD depending on what one's symptoms are.
Someone tell Woody that turlet isn't connected........eewwwweeeee!
Oh, that turkey... too funny.
These are just crap-tastic! First poo-wang of the season. :)
There was a list that started probably 30 years ago called the poop list (or the sh*t list). I bet it's still out there and would have some wonderful verbiage for the next go-round of chocolate u-plugs...you make me laugh or loud (really! ) every day. Thank you.
That poor poo turkey looks a little embarrassed.
Jackwire wins again!
I second that movement--er, motion! Jackwire FTW!!!
When I look at the third cake, I get a mental image of Woody running around with that loose-jointed, puppet movement--er, motion--looking for, ah, "a place to sit."
I vote second place to AliceShortcake, for "Terrified Turd"!
On that 8st cake (snert!) I guess he was a Turbo Tigger.
@ Jackwire - ROTFLMAO! That's inspired! LOVE IT!
And the second to last (poo) cake... the "Happy BD Ava"... those are definitely turds floating downstream. Sad and hilarious at the same time!
Cake 5: Mr Hanky had second thoughts about appearing in the Rio Carnival - "Howdy nooooo!"
Someone should do "Cake Wrecks Done Right," because that last one has the potential to be awesome.
I used to think it was a good idea to eat chocolate while watching the pictures... until today.