Open Belly, Insert Foot
August 27, 2015 Friends, countrypersons, CCC-makers (ptooie!):
I've tried to be reasonable.
I've tried to show you the appetite-killing effects of edible mommy bodies:
;)
I've tried to show you the cannibalistic undertones, the disturbing ramifications, and the flat-out creepiness of neck stumps and booby slices.
I've even shared with you the horror stories of raspberry fillings, plastic baked-in babies, and mock C-sections!
All to no avail.
And now - NOW - bakers are adding an homage to the scariest scene in Ghostbusters. Because that scene with the demon dogs pressing their faces through the door? [sing-song] A-DOR-ABLE!
;)
Quick! GET OUT OF THE ARMCHAIR, DANA!!
Sure, they might have started out small...
;)
"Aw, lookit da cutesy-wootsy lil' foot sticking out! Haha! So sweet!"
...but it wasn't long before bakers were pushing the boundaries of what anyone could stomach.
;)
Literally.
(Also, ow.)
And because more is ALWAYS better...
;)
"Leeeet ussss ooooouuuut!!"
...it wasn't long before the laws of physics went completely out the window:
;)
Sweet mercy, woman, TELL ME you're getting an epidural.
So I ask you, fellow citizens, are we to stand for this? Or will we put our foot down, stop toeing the line, and kick belly cakes to the curb once and for all?!
Hey, wait a second. You just saved these photos to your "inspiration" folder, didn't you, bakers? YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME, are you??
Oh, fine. Just send me photos when you're done, and we'll call it even.
Thanks to Amy U., Elizabeth M., Alanna E., Amanda R., Mary V., & Holly T. for today's belly laughs.
*****
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Reader Comments (30)
Carrying a baby that big is quite a feat.
A baby coming already wearing shoes? At least those are not stilettos, or we would have an Alien-themed birth. Oops, did I just give an idea to wreckers?
Thanks for the needed giggles
As an old-school mom who never saw a sonogram until it was my grandson's (and i still can't identify anything other than the head) I really respect the mystery of impending birth. While the decorators make sure mystery is one thing NOT on display, they're only complying with the baby shower host's request. And let's face it, they are pretty full of themselves, so clever at expressing the ginormous fetal feelings in an ever expanding uterinverse.
I like that the first preggo belly is wearing a statement necklace with her tanga. Classy.
Wow. Is this Bella giving birth to Edward's child?!
Does that first one really say "tit's a boy"?
All I could think of was the Abzorbaloff.
That last one I about snorted the coffee I was drinking. I am in here dying laughing in my office.... ROFLMBO
OMG! Who WRITES for you people?! Freaking hilarious!! :D
I was so busy cringing over the name Alaysia that I almost didn't notice the foot.
I'm a mom of 6, a natural childbirth instructor, and a breastfeeding counselor. It takes a lot to make me blush or be squeamish when it comes to childbearing, but the pregnancy cakes are really just too much. There are some places you just shouldn't go, especially with frosting.
And that first pregnant cake needs an immediate ultrasound to figure out what's wrong with her. Pregnant bellies look nothing like that.
I'm pretty sure the fifth one down is giving birth to quintuplets.
As a long-time trauma nurse, I think "ruptured uterus" when I see these. So now you have that picture in your head. You are welcome.
In the last one, is that (18-month old) baby wearing moon boots?
I'm kind of wondering how they do this... Do they sculpt feet and hands out of fondant? Have bizarrely specific feet-and-hands-shaped cake pans? Jam pieces of plastic under there to make the right shapes?
I find these cakes twice as disturbing now that I'm pregnant. I may have nightmares.
Sigh.... I love it when you mention my Sexy Suds cake! <3
I doubt I'm saying anything others thought, but CW #1 looks like a giant zit to me. Now there's a vision for you. I can't believe people ask for and/or expect a baby shower cake like the ones shown here. **Shakes head** and too funny! meo
Alaysia??
Is that like dyspraxia?
"Make fun if you will, but I'm going to have the last laugh. While you wasted HOURS on the phone looking for a babysitter, worried continuously about a weirdo abducting your little Edmund, THEN spent thousands on clothes, diapers, and pediatrician bills, I've had Bobby right next to me the whole time.--Pass the ketchup, would you, dear?-- The doctors all seemed to think *he'd* decide when to be born, but I guess I showed them, right around the fourteenth month. What? No, I'm not letting him out until he's past those awkward teenage years, when everything is about what their friends are doing and so many are experimenting with drugs. Be a dear and get me another cake, will you?"
My friend just had her baby this morning, so now of course this post made me absolutely terrified for her.
The polka-dot placement on the bodice of the last one is just sooooo wrong!
As disturbing as these pregnancy cakes are, I'm just glad there aren't expectant father cakes. I don't want to think about what would be sticking out under *that* fondant!
#4.
I see giraffe-print outfit. I see impressively made belly-button. I see feet with ....(counts)...the right number of toes. And then, on the left, just by the leaves, I see...??!...Hoo hah, A right twat made this cake!
Oh man these wreckerators must love giving nightmares to us all lol. I still don't get why these are even made let alone anyone wanting to eat them. I fear this trend.
Why are the woman's nipples so off-center on that last one? Oh, wait, they're not nipples, they're giant polka dots....
The fifth one... I swear that is a cake version of my belly the day before my twins were born. Never thought I'd see that desperate feeling reproduced in cake.
So the last one is a hobbit baby, right? Or maybe one of the monopods from the Voyage of the Dawntreader?
Jen, You may count on THIS baker to never produce any cake akin to these disturbing cakes. I'm going to put an enforceable "taste" clause in any contract language.
Hey, I just figured out how they "do" the feet! Somewhere in American, there are piles of doll's feet-less (or would that be foot-less) bodies piling up in corners. Oh, the humanity! [Or lack of it..]
I hate these tacky freaking cakes! Ugh!