Thursday
Aug202015
Lulla-BUH-BYE
August 20, 2015 Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
;)
Mama's gonna buy you a giant bird.
;)
And if that bird decides to drown
Mama's gonna buy you a troop of clowns:
;)
And if those clown refuse to kill,
Mama just hopes this bunny will:
;)
And if that bunny eats your face,
Mama's got a pig to take its place:
;)
And if that demon swine won't maim,
Mama's gonna love you just...
;)
the...
;)
...same.
;)
Thanks to Sheila H., Amanda L., Shelley M., Jill F., Cerena C., & Katie M., who all agree it really should be a MURDER of clowns. Amirite?
*****
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Reader Comments (37)
From the Laura-Louise McBirney line of Baby Cakes.
Jen, this song was lovely. I used to sing this song to my daughter everynight, sometimes adding 326 verses until she fell asleep. Your version is so much better...
I've made baby shower and birthday cakes for the past several years. Sometimes, the "themes" seem rather odd or inappropriate, but there is one particular baby shower cake that I refused to stick to the theme. Tell me if I was wrong because the aunt hosting the shower had a few choice words for me! Situation: a young lady named Kelly (not real name), was pregnant after her and her husband had tried for 10 years and endured 2 miscarriages. Kelly was extremely nervous during entire pregnancy, and wouldn't let her aunt host a shower for her until extremely close to her due date. The aunt decided the theme was "a gift from heaven", which was fine, but she wanted me to decorate the cake with an "angel baby" sleeping on a cloud, sun rays coming from behind the cloud, a cross, andJesus above the baby. To me that looked like the baby had died and went to heaven, so I refused to do that. Did I overthink that? The aunt was mad and has never ordered from me again (although I have made both the 1st and 2nd year birthday cakes for the baby!)
@Lorie - Good call.
Wait, isn't that rubber ducky made of soap?
Where did I put my eye bleach? The things I cannot unsee. Thanks Jen and John (thoJ)
Lorie - I applaud your common sense and decency! That would have been absolutely horrifying for the mom!
Jen - I'm going to be seeing these cakes in my nightmares, thankyouverymuch!
@Lorie--you SO did not overthink that. OMG, I cannot imagine the mom-to-be's expression if she were to see the cake you describe.
@SuBee--you crack me up. Maybe if your little one heard these verses, she would have gone right to sleep for fear of hearing them again.
Someone call the Winchesters!
Isn't the collective noun for clowns posse?
@Lorie -- you made the right call!
Please someone explain the grass and the dotted line in the Black-eyed Pig cake to me --
Thanks, CW! You are always my first (and best) lunch-time blog --
Jen, this is SICK! And I mean that as the highest praise possible! I will always love, love, love your site.
@Lorie -- I don't think you over-thought that at all! The aunt was maybe being insensitive, especially since that poor family had already been through miscarriages! (Yikes!)
Also, those cakes are terrifying.
Lorie, I would have refused to do that cake, too, or at least asked to leave off the cross and Jesus. Maybe mention that cutting up Jesus on a cake is a bad idea...
I did "A Gift From Heaven" shower cake, but the mom liked rainbows so it was just a rainbow coming down to a crib, with the phrase .
And that last cake with the twins... even if the black dye hadn't bled it would have been creepy. Shiny black baby eyes. Why didn't they at least make them blue?
The first cake looks like one of those old photos that people used to take of their dead babies. Definitely don't put a cross over your cake baby!
This is definitely going in my top five posts of all time.
Mama's given me nightmares!
The angel baby cake
You can always refuse work, but only if you hadn't already committed to making her a cake.
You really don't want any of us to sleep tonight, do you? Ye gods. It's going to take several alcoholic beverages to get me brave enough to shut off the lights.
@Lorie: No, you didn't overthink that. I had the same impression.
The first one seems to be for a christening....but if they sprinkle holy water on Damien won't he burst into flames or something?
On the clowns...I've heard of colorblind people who can't distinguish between two colors, but I've never heard of those colors being black & white. Really those white-on-black "photo-negative" eyes make them 10x creepier.
Ehhh......I think the bunny just looks hung-over, not homicidal.
Q: What would happen if Chucky got it on with a Cabbage-Patch doll?
A: That last cake.
Omg those last pictures I actually heard horror movie music in my head...
@gws: a posse of clowns? Only if they're insane.
I agree that "angel" baby does look dead. And what's with the two black eyes?
Bravo!!! Bravo!!!
(one of your absolute best)
@Lorie - ENTIRELY appropriate - your answer! I marvel at people and it would have been VERY hard for me NOT to say, "LADY... WHERE is your BRAIN?!?? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!" and besides no one would EVER pay me to decorate a cake!
Although the "Mohawk babies on carrots" will NEVER be superseded (in my humble opinion) those kreepy klown kupkakes kame klose!
:-)
Despite the amazing amount of wreckiness I've seen here over the years, I've always secretly thought "I'd still eat that, it's cake!" ... Until today. I wouldn't touch that demon bunny with a ten meter cattle prod.
Lori and a mom who also had a few miscarriages before having my 4th baby I am thankful you didn't make that cake if it had been for me i would of spent my whole shower crying
Yep, I completely agree that the collective for a group of clowns should be a "murder." But now what are we gonna call a collective of crows? Those damn clown cupcakes will feature in my nightmare tonight for sure!
@Lorie, the mom must have thought that you made the right call since she ordered two birthday cakes from you.
Jen, I'm guessing the link to the Creepy Doll Mobile was intentional. That is horrifyingly wonderful. I could *not* make that - can't even watch Chucky movies.
Thank you, all, for having my back!
Bin, I did make a rainbow with a stork delivering the baby and wrote, "Extra Special Delivery! Welcome baby Kate!" The parents-to-be loved it and that was all that mattered!
ummmm... why does it look like the eyeless pig is wearing a partial alligator suit?
Lol!! You just had to find the murderous posse of clown cupcakes. Hoping to see more things that will make me never sleep again just in time for Halloween lol.
I just found this site and I cannot get enough! Thank you all this is my new addiction!
The demon bunny cake is pretty much a dead ringer for Bun-Bun the homicidal rabbit from the Sluggy Freelance webcomic.
oh, this bad bad bunny looks like a HITLER-Bunny.
but the creepiest is the cake with the the dead-looking baby. that first cake.
The pig's actually pretty good, except for the eyes.
Love "a murder of clowns!" Perhaps a large number of crows in one place could be a "Darkening"?
Unless they are Fish Crows, which we have in abundance where I live. They look just like "regular" American Crows; the only way most of us can tell the difference is by the voice. Instead of "Caw! Caw!", Fish Crows say, "HA-ha!" or "Qua-ha!" (They give the impression that they are either chuckling, or outright bursting into laughter, at you.) I'm convinced that Heckle and Jeckle were based on Fish Crows, even though they are nominally Magpies, because of the sardonic voice. So perhaps a "Mockery" of Fish Crows.
As for the Demon Bunny, let me just say: "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it." Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses 9 through 21.
Funny, that last cake looks very much like a baby picture of Mr. Teatime. Something about the shiny rolling black eyeball.
that bunny cake needs to go on a t-shirt. Preferably, in both children and adult sizes.