Ode To Moms' Body of Work
May 8, 2015 WARNING: Today's cakes depict childbirth, and are therefore not appropriate for children. Enjoy the irony. (And I'm guessing your boss won't approve, either.)
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Today, my dear minions, we look at the beauty of motherhood.
;)
...in all its lumpy, oh-so-appetizing glory.
;)
(Anyone else see a screaming face in there?)
Yes, moms, you are the oysters from which baby pearls spring.
You are the pod, full of anthropomorphic pea people.
You are the oven, stuffed with DANG GIRL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR HANDS?!
;)
Ahem. Sorry.
I of course meant "what's wrong with your glorious hands?"
Moms, we all know that giving birth is your single most crowning achievement - and I mean that in the most literal way possible.
;)
So lets thank the anonymous submitter who made this photo collage for us. Just think: without the upper right angle there, we'd never have known this cake had an anus!
Moms assure me you forget all that pain, though, once they bring out your little bundle, all wrapped up:
;)
Not like that.
NOT LIKE THAT!
;)
Uh... You know, on second thought, let's get that plastic wrap back on.
So here's to you, moms, as you look forward to the day when all the sleepless nights and cleaning poop out of your hair will be worth it.
Because someday - maybe even one day soon! - your kids will realize everything you've done for them, and will want to express to you exactly how they feel.
;)
And it will be glorious.
Happy Mother's Day, moms.
Thanks to Janie M., Hannah L., Anony M., Joshua T., & Candy D. for reminding us that Moomy knows best.
*****
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Reader Comments (74)
The wedding ring is the only thing in this post that isn't horrible.
Reading this post in the car, and my bff's husband says "You know, I like babies, I like vaginas, and I like cake. But not all together!"
@Kathleen: NOBODY expects a Spanish Inquisition cake!
Except you, apparently. You might want to get that checked out.
The photos were disgusting, but the posts were hilarious. So maybe the end (sorrysorrysorry) justifies the means.
I'm thankful that Blondie never accused me of ruining her life.
(On a CAKE yet; don't moomies have enough guilt?)
And i think maybe the kid's father might get the piece with the, you know, the * on it -- depending on how he behaved at or near the birth...
Great day, Moms! Hope the toast isn't burnt and the coffee doesn't spill on you!
Are people going to fight over who gets to eat the anus piece?
Holy moly, that's a LOT of wrong.
1- What IS that thing? I see the feet, belly, & boobs, but what is that other lump?? And who could ever cut that cake?? :(
2- While I appreciate the modesty of a complete shirt, it is still so wrong to see a foot!! Sigh. And mini guitar picks for fingernails?? Sigh. And who could ever cut that cake?? :(
3- HOLY CRAPOLI... why is there not a black bar and/or pixellation over that anus?? And why is there an anus?? And WHY is it dirty?? :( And how can a cake so anatomically accurate also be so anatomically inaccurate?? Why is the baby's mouth full of meconium?? And wouldn't its neck be broken?? And WHO could ever CUT, SERVE, or EAT that CAKE??? :(
4- Uhhh... AGGGHHHHH!!!! WHO... could EVER... CUT, SERVE, or EAT that BABY??? :(
I think greermahoney's bff's husband nailed it!!! Babies, vaginas, and cakes ARE wonderful!! But not all together!!!
Hideous.
Glad I told my hubby not to look. Wish I had done that myself lol. Oh my gosh. People keep ordering these scary cakes. Why is beyond my understanding unless they like scaring the mother to be which these would lol very well.
Good lord, they're horrific. Who could ever (a) order (b) cut (c) EAT those monstrosities?!
There are some things that don't need to be immortalised in cake.
@Jodi That piece resides in the freezer only to re-emerge for the child's first birthday. It is just a little, brown candle-holder!
Ah, so is that where all the chocolate swirls come from?
The first cake: If the pregnancy is that far along the feet should be facing boobs instead of vagina. That's a caesarian right there.
@ AngelaS: I HAVE to say this, if no one else has already: "Crowning Meconium Death Baby Mama" should be a ROCK BAND.
i don't know how this whole pregnant/giving birth cake thing started, but it needs to stop.
@sendingtheclowns lol! You must also be a Dave Barry fan!
OH. HELL. NO. That butthole cake is the most revolting thing I've ever seen.
I was coming to grips with the anus cake until I came to the comments and was reminded that someone had to REQUEST it. "And don't forgot the anus." has to be the worst thing a cake decorator can hear at work.
@AngelaS:
Yes! I LOVE Dave Barry!
Good God, no.
The plastic wrapped baby cake looks like something made by a deranged PETA activist (not that PETA activists aren't deranged already.)
You know what? I've taken Anatomy the works with cadavers and was FINE. THIS turned my stomach esp that one without the plastic wrap.
Hey Jen - are you aware you have totally been ripped off? Here's the link
http://www.worldlifestyle.com/food/26-disturbing-baby-shower-cakes-that-will-haunt-your-dreams/4#next-image
The least they can do is acknowledge you. Though a handful of the photos are ripped right from this page. But they put those dang carrot jockeys in there without nary a word about your works of art in these here pages, dadgummit!
Just letting you know.
We've got your back, Jen!!!
On the second one I'm confused. That is one big foot and little belly. Does that baby have a proportion issues???
Moomys know best, I agree!
I love my moomy <3