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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Mar202015

Friday Favs 3/20/15

Some of my favorite new submissions this week:

 

There's this new Winnie-the-Pooh deco kit going around, and, uh...

That's right. Take it alllll in:

The ship's anchor, slithering through the grass.
Next to the balloon, also slithering through the grass.
Next to the... smashed... spider?

And through it all, Pooh and Tigger... staring at an ass*.

[*Sorry. "Donkey's ass."]

 

Here, have another one:

Now, hardcore Pooh fans will know what story this cake is failing to illustrate, but good luck explaining it to all the people backing away without breaking eye contact.

There's a life lesson in here somewhere, kids. Go find it.

 

***

Next up:

This is an actual wedding cake:

[mic drop]

 

***

Have you seen the new "wrapped cake" trend?

At this point we just have to take their word that there's actually cake in there.

(Pssst. Guys. You let a little icing spill out on the bottom there. Quick! Grab some curly ribbon!)

 

***

My favorite part is how indignant this original poster was over the misspelling. That's right, JUST THE MISSPELLING.

"Can you BELIEVE they misspelled my crapping dog cake? How could they POSSIBLY misspell a crapping dog cake? Don't people have STANDARDS anymore?!"

 

***

And finally:

The ellipsis is what really sells it.

...and?

 

Thanks to JJ, Tina C., Jacqueline G., Greg H., & Jessica M. for not spoiling the ending on that video. After all, we want to be surprised.

*****

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Reader Comments (44)

Are you quite certain that you want the word "hardcore" near the post orgasmic Pooh cake?

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Okay, I give up. What's the story with Pooh? Apparently I'm not hardcore enough. Or just old and tired . . .

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

The wedding cake looks so tacky like it might have come from one of those Big Fat Gypsy Wedding reality shows.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterToni in DFW

Perhaps, JT is the name of the dog, and this was the first time he actually "went" outside, rather than on the rug.
(Cakes for ANY occasion)

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

The wedding cake, albeit CRAZY, has some pretty good gumpaste flowers on it. That tells me that the person who did it has some talent. Could this be a case of a crazy customer requesting a horrific cake?

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

For a crapping dog cake that's reasonably well done

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterEric Stott

The 'STD' cake made me laugh! A few days ago, I was looking in our filing drawer and came across a file with my husband's handwriting on it marked "STD." Needless to say, I almost fell off the chair. I looked into the file and it was all pertaining to his "Short Term Disability" paperwork that he needed for his pending surgery. Maybe that's what the cake is about. I also love the uber-busy wedding cake! The multi-colored feathers just complete the whole thing! Happy Weekend, everyone!

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne from GA

I'm sort of fascinated by the choices in Cakes 2, 4 & 5: WHY is there a bunny peeking out of a trashcan (?) on a WEDDING cake (I think I want to go to this couple's wedding), WHY would anyone order a cake with a defecating dog on it who knew how to spell "Congratulations", & WHAT is an STD video (and why didn't the customer see that double entendre glaring them in the face)?

Oh, & the first one is where Eeyore lost his tail & they're trying to find a replacement (hence the anchor, the balloon, & I forget what the third thing is). I'm not a hardcore Pooh fan, but I do know that.

Oh.....SNERK!!!!!!!
I heard of cupcakes, pup cakes but a pup taking a dump on a cake?!?!?
Yeeeeeeeech!!

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

Are those pebbles on the STD cake? Even if they are candy rocks, why?

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

I actually looked up that Winnie-the-Pooh deco kit, and the creator's example is as bad as the wrecked version:

http://www.birthdaydirect.com/pooh-new-tail-for-eeyore-cake-decorating-kit-p-42166.html?gclid=CjwKEAjwiqoBRC9gvHCsvDdn2cSJACV3DFRnjldsF_2potfmSjyKU7lahtlA_3qOMSc_m9vQhErUxoCU9bw_wcB&utm_campaign=googleshopping&utm_medium=product_search&utm_source=googleshopping

I am sure there are better ways to show Eeyore's search for a new tail than this bizarre staring scenario.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJeanmarie

This explains why Eeyore is always so depressed.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Thank you for the clarification SaraCVT. I spent far too long trying guess what anchor-shaped sperm is a metaphor for . . .

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

My stream of consciousness while looking at the wedding cake:

Wow that's a LOT of stuff! Hmm...flowers look great. Oh, a kitty in a box -- bizzare but cute! That bow has got to go! ....Oh my Lord there's feathers!!!!!!!! I hate feathers!!!!!!!! How did I not notice that before! AAAAAAAIiiiiiiigh!!

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

[6]:Mmmm...CHOCOLATE...(Homer Simpson tongue-hanging-out-drool-sound effect)
[5]:JT is the DOG. He is being congratulated because he did his "cute iddle first poo-poo" outside (and,for crying out loud, it's about time)!
[4]: Maybe (just) that's a new trend! Sure; make a real cake, then put the cake IN the box to give the look of a wrapped gift. Cute, clever...right? Then, the birthday-person gets a big surprise when he/she opens it! It really works the best when the person does the "shake-it-to-try-to-tell-what's-in-it" trick...especially if the gift is breakable (or a real cake).
[3]:It happens every time! Try to help great-great-great-great grandma clean out a closet, and she ends up making a cake...using the junk I was going to toss in the garbage. Gotta love the resourcefulness...
[2] &[1]: These are both depicting the same, sad story: Pooh and Tigger were wanting to play pin-the-tail-on-the-Eeyore, but E'd lost it (the tail) again. His friends tried to console him with (what else?) consolation prizes, but E. would have none of it. So, everyone WAS happy. =^-.-^=

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I think the layer of colored craft feathers is what really throws that wedding cake over the top!

And is that wrapped cake covered in actual paper? What a mess that will be to cut and eat!

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTwinMom

Those feathers are almost as bad as the dead baby chicken. Almost...

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

In my bedroom I have a plush Eeyore who wears a yellow graduation tassel. In my pre-coffee brain I simply figured the third escaping object was that tassel- I have NO explanation for the other stuff but I can figure out where it falls on the XKCD Mysteries graph <http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mysteries.png>

And speaking of graduation, at my college the microbiology instructors made all the students develop a short video about an infectious disease. Most students chose an STD for some reason.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermsanthrope

What's the deal with the wrapped cake? What is it wrapped in? Plastic (softeners and other chemicals? Ewwww), Paper (sloppy, soaked paper? Ewww) or edible paper? (how do they get THAT so smooth?) Why would anyone buy something like this? You can't even check for mold and old, cracked icing before you carry it home!

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterlcp

So, the gift wrap cake was done in hopes that what they can't sneak a photo of, they can't send into Cake
Wrecks?

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterVickie Gray

I honestly saw the first cake. and initially tried to figure out whether it was a really awesome and funny take on Feyman diagrams... but then I realized it was just another wreck.

Such a missed opportunity...

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered Commentertabascun

I'm horrified at that last cake, don't they realise that you only use three dots for an ellipsis never four?

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered Commentertoonfan69

That wedding cake makes my head hurt. TOOOOOOO busy and no flow to the design or decorations. I do like some of the flowers though.

Ok, so what exactly IS this "wrapped cake" fad? I'm new to that. That HAS to be edible transfers, yes? Not real wrapping paper. But alas, these are wrecks so it's all fair game, I realize.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKimsCakes

I'm willing to bet that STD stands for Save The Date, meaning that this cake is a "congratulations, you're engaged, and we can't wait to see your Save the Date video because Save the Date cards are SO last century!" Also because STD puns are rampant in the wedding planning blogosphere. The joke never gets old, no sir!

However, there's still no excuse for the incorrect ellipsis. There should be exactly three dots. Harrumph.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

The third item on the Eeyore cake appears to be a pinwheel... really dumb figurine though.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAllie

As a decorator, I know that the kit is called "a tail for
eeyore". But that doesn't make me like it any more!
Sometimes I think the people who make these things start their day by asking themselves "How can we screw with the decorators today? " The pooh cakes here are done right, but I've been so tempted to draw other things that would give me my own day on cake wrecks.....lol

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Shouldn't the sentiment on the dog cake be "Concrapulations"?

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterPeepBunny

The feathers are horrifying. As someone who's seen plenty of dance costumes close up, those feathers never stay put; they always end up everywhere. I pity the guests who get their cake after the feathers have been disturbed.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

@toonfan69 @Jenny:

I must differ. When an ellipsis is used at the end of a sentence (presumably this baker thought it was the end, if he/she cared), it is made up of four dots. It includes both the original ellipsis & the sentence's ending period. Look it up....

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I'm not sure why everyone thinks that the Eeyore cake has to do with him loosing his tail.

Piglet gave him a ballon left over from his party but broke.
The pinwheel is the one the Piglet had on the Blustery Day.
I have no idea what the anchor has to do with it. I can't find a reference at all to an anchor.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAnneke

Not wanting to hurt his feelings, Pooh and Tigger discuss the ramifications before responding to already down-in-the-dumps Eeyore's question: Does my ass look fat when I sit like this?

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLindaz

I can see Jabba the Hutt on the first cake. He seems to be drooling something yellow out of his mouth...and possibly other parts of his body, but hey, it's Jabba.

I literally sneezed just looking at that feather bedecked cake.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

The Wedding Cake: I have room in my head for everything - except the feathers. I just can't ... it's feathers!

The elipse debate: Technically, and elipse does not end a sentence, it indicates "no end," and therefore would not have a period at the end. Because there is no end . . .

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterEvalyn

"Concrapulations"? PeepBunny wins the internet!

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterStL Metro Mom

The only way I can imagine the wrapped cake not being a total disaster is if they use one of the icing types that crusts up [like the powdered sugar icing my mom makes], since otherwise that's a mess waiting to happen... It LOOKS like it's wrapped in real wrapping paper. Hope it's specifically supplied by a baking supplier, since otherwise it's also not going to be particularly food safe. Then again, given all the other random non-cake-decorating-intended stuff they stick on cakes....... I was proud of the bakery in the safeway that I work, until they started making doll dress cakes. And putting flotsam and icing on caramel apples. <.<

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Jenny,

I was thinking the same thing! Save-the-Date videos are all the rage right now, apparently.

March 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterK

I've known a number of people with STDs. Of course, STD is a newer term. It may be easier to get STDs now; I doubt any of the people I've known got STDs using a video. Still, I'm sure the cake recipient will have to defend himself a lot in the future. If he's successful, though, I'm certain his parishoners will be proud to proclaim: "Our priest has an STD!"
We are talking about a doctorate in theology, aren't we?

March 21, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterEoin

Now I think I have seen it all. A pooping dog cake? Lmao! I hope J.T is the dog otherwise I want to know what they did to deserve this cake.

March 21, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Balloon, anchor, knitted tail (which unraveled).

http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Eeyore

March 21, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

My daughter will be five in two weeks. Of the "actual wedding cake" above, she says, "OOOOHHHH!!! There's FEATHERS on it! And a bow! And a bunny!" Interestingly, these are almost exactly the same words I thought when I saw it--but in a completely different tone!

March 21, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJackie

It`s a balloon. It´s nothing but a dark red balloon. It´s not a ripped out heart tied to a white string. It´s not.

March 21, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterHelen

I'd want to take the cat in the gift box on that overblown, crazy wedding cake and make him into his own larger cake creation if I had those kind of skills. He's cute...the rest of it is a bit much!

March 22, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermedrecgal

I took the "gift cake" picture and it is, in fact, actual wrapping paper. I have no idea what's under the paper, but they sure were proud of it.

March 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLSUJacq

Upon seeing the "wedding cake," I had a train of thought rather similar to Jodi's. As I scrolled down: "Wow, nice rose--really well-done. Awww, a kitty in a hatbox! Cute! Look at the sweet little roses on the lid of the hatbox! Hmm... and a bow! Getting a little busier than I would want for a cake, especially a wedding cake, but hey, to each her own.

"Okay, more flowers...there's really a lot of different decorations here... Hey, another tier? What's the multicolored stuff on the top of--

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" *pause, deep gasping inhale* "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Seriously. Feathers on a cake? FEATHERS???

July 22, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

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