Celebrate Deflategate With More Ball Jokes!
January 26, 2015 I don't know if you've noticed, but there's been a lot of talk about balls lately.
;)
Who handled the balls, how they handled the balls, the balls' temperature while they were being handled, and most importantly, is "prolate spheroid" supposed to sound like "prolapsed sphincter," or is that just another Freudian sports thing?
Which reminds me:
;)
Cupcake?
Now, I may not be much of a sports fan, but I will NEVER turn my back on a current events story that lets me make lots of ball jokes.
;)
'Cuz that'd be just nutty.
So in the spirit of ethical journalism, allow me to present:
8 Kinds Of Balls Worse Than Tom Brady's:*
[*I haven't actually read any of the articles on Deflategate, so I could be wrong on this.
There could be more than 8.]
Swollen Balls:
;)
Lumpy Balls:
;)
Poopy Balls:
;)
Wrinkly Balls:
;)
Steamrolled Balls:
;)
Missing Balls:
;)
Bieber Balls:
;)
(Hey, anyone who's seen the Bieb's new CK ad already knows where all the extra ball inflation went, am I right?)
And perhaps worst of all...
Schweddy Balls:
;)
Eww.
Thanks to Michelle Y., Nino F., Allison A., Cara W., Amber A., Julia K., Kathleen D., Jen S., Britt, Laura C., Diane B., and Alec Ball-dwin for sharing his irresistible Schweddy Balls.
*****
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Reader Comments (37)
I could not have asked for a funnier post on my birthday! I already had cake for breakfast, but there were no balls on it.
Oh, I had a ball reading today's post!!
That Sweddy Balls SNL skit was right up there near the top of the classics. I still laugh.
And yes -- of COURSE the Pats knew about the deflated balls. Go Seahawks!!.
OMG You worked in my favourite SNL skit ever!! I cannot believe there was an actual cake for that! I can die happy now.
THAT'S the spirit! Kick 'em when they're down (an ounce or two)! I had an inkling right from the get-gonads that john wasn't going to want to touch this...and lo and behold... it was Jen, taking the ball by the horns and running with it! (Or, should that be "the balls AND the horn"?) I can see where you could get a lot of yardage out of this one... =^-.~^=
I'm not up on all Football logos, but can anyone shed light on why the "Big Football Cookie" is ringed with Omega signs?
No better way to start the week than with bunches of balls. Now you need to do a tribute to Tom Brady's hat.
We're expecting between 18 and 457 inches of snow here, so I'm going to be making a bunch of snow balls!
I'm ashamed to admit that I want to see the Bieber one without the black square.
Let's just hope Justin Bieber doesn't preform in any future Super Bowl halftime shows. He already preformed in the Grey Cup halftime show. (The Grey Cup is the CFL's version of our Super Bowl.)
You have real balls writing this post :P thanks for the giggles XD
All the puns are great, but my biggest laugh today was SuBee's comment "We're expecting between 18 and 457 inches of snow here"!
@Mary I think it's supposed to be horseshoes. The Indianapolis Colts have a horseshoe as their logo.
Nice handling of the most over-hyped non-news story in a long time.
I'm not a football fan, but from what I can tell, this is what happened:
After one team lost by a very large margin (45-7) they claimed that they had only lost because the winning team had imperceptibly deflated some of the balls used in the game. Then the winning team team claimed that the losing team had "hurt" their "feewings" and made them "cwy". Scandal ensued.
Personally I can't see how a slightly under inflated ball would cause a supposedly professional team to be completely unable to score any runs until the last period. Even if they were "easier to grip, throw & catch" wouldn't that benefit both teams anyway? If ball inflation made such a big difference the score would've been more like 185-177, because the teams would've been making points left & right.
I think the only "deflated balls" to blame are the ones attached to the players.
Oh come on! I'm sure the Bieber wreck isn't THAT bad to need a censorship square. I wanna see!
Thanks again for the huge ball laughs. Need it, we too here are expecting between 25 - 457 inches of snow, and it's already started. Oh joy! Hey at least we'll have enough to make dig non-deflated balls right? Thanks Jen for making us smile here in CT, we sure could use it right now.
Yes!!! Someone else knows the Schweddy Balls SNL skit! It is a classic. One of the funniest things ever on SNL (which I usually find not funny at all unless Justin Timberlake is on). Any time I try to bring that SNL skit up people look at me like I'm crazy. So glad to see others recognize the genius of that bit too! :)
@Mary, Those "Omegas" are horse shoes, the logo of the Indianapolis Colts.
Oh, my...what a bunch of sad sacks....
@TheCreepyTribble: Happy Birthday! And, cake is good for lunch and dinner, too.....
I was going to say I was surprised that you didn't link to the SNL sketch, and then I read the credits. :P
I had a ball reading this! It's a great roundup, and you didn't leave us hanging. The Patriots have been caught cheating before. I think they're just getting cocky.
Happy birthday, TheCreepyTribble!
SuBee, please keep posting so we know you're OK. Get my drift?
Happy Birthday, The Creepy Tribble! Have a ball and go nuts!
I guess the deflated ball in the first photo totally deflected attention away from the fact that there is a green plastic base with the player broken off (right beside the guy in orange who is spreading his arms and preparing for takeoff!)
You forgot what effect rubbing the balls had. That was the wait, what? moment for me. Did the balls have genies in them and when they got rubbed the genies flew out making the balls weigh less?
To answer a question above, the teams use their own balls when they have possession. The teams don't use the same balls throughout the game. No one thinks the Colts would have won if the balls had been properly inflated. Everyone but Pats fans know that cheating shouldn't be tolerated. When balls are under inflated, they're easier to catch and throw. Funny how the ball they used for kicks kept all of its air and only the balls used for passing were affected by the atmospheric pressure/genies.
It shouldn't change the game outcome because the Colts shouldn't have even been playing in that game. The balls were under inflated at the Ravens game too I hear, but no one told the referees. The Pats don't need to cheat and they do it anyway which makes it awful when it could have just been embarrassing when they get caught.
What? You couldn't find any blue balls?
Ditto with Craig and Erica -- I want to see the Bieber one without the black square. I cannot imagine what it could be in that small a space....
And I agree with Nerfbomb, that BOTH teams would have benefited from the deflated balls, if there was a benefit.
Why do so many of them look like cow pies??
Best post about balls, ever! Comments are the best, too! Y'all are hurting this chick recovering from gallbladder removal surgery, but so worth the belly pain. 18-457 inches of snow is a lot of snow; and scores of 185-177 surely make for a boring ass game. "How about we just flip a coin and call the game. Heads we win; tails you lose."
Thank you, Jen, but I believe I'll pass on the cupcake.
Started laughing too much at the Wrinkly Balls (I think they shriveled up even more). Laughing became uncontrollable with Bieber Balls. But when I hit those Schweddy Balls my laughter turned into a laughing so hard that all that's coming out is a throaty-wheezy sound and some tears kind of thing.
Now that you've referenced the Schweddy ball skit, I'm going to be watching closely for the "dusty muffin" sequel. I KNOW you've seen wrecks that apply...and Betty White herself would surely approve!
Now that you've referenced the Schweddy ball skit, I'm going to be watching closely for the "dusty muffin" sequel. I KNOW you've seen wrecks that apply...and Betty White herself would surely approve!
Nerfbomb, Each team plays with their own balls.
ÔvÔ <= That's an owl face. Not, um, something else. lol
Wow at the Bieber one lmao. I don't even want to know why it was censored but I can't stop laughing hysterically at it. Must be my cold making me go giggly.
Patriots deflate balls. Seahawks deflate other teams' dreams. Go Hawks!
Those cupcakes are actually kind of cute.
Kim, please, you've got to explain this. When a team has possession they use their own balls? Like, a player gets the ball away from an opposing team member, immediately the game stops and someone rushes up to replace that ball with another? You're kidding me.
Is that where the missing player in the first cake went, or is he crushed under the huge deflated THING?
""Big Football Cookie" made me laugh really hard.
.... *snort* I hope they leave that sort of thing to the locker room...
@Morag
I actually DO think that is how it works. Quarterbacks are apparently very picky about the balls they throw, so when they are on offense, they throw balls that they have prepared. I think there is some allowance in the rules for things like sanding or scuffing them up, also the pressure. Some like them at the top end of the allowed range, some at the bottom.
I think the Patriots were actually "found out" after an interception. A player intercepted a ball thrown by Brady, wanted to keep it as a souvenir. and gave it to his team's equipment manager who knew there was something amiss about the way it felt. And the saga began.
I don't think it would have helped Colts that day...but maybe the Ravens the week before...or some other team in a close game this season. :)