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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jan142015

I Am So, So Sorry: 6 C-Section Cakes People Actually Ate

I want you to know, minions, that this post is not my idea/fault. *I* didn't make it Cesarean Section Day, mmkay? And *I* didn't make/order/condone ANY of these cakes, NO SIR.

But now LOOK what these bakers are making me do! LOOK.

(Made by Darcy at Brown Butter Bakery who has an awesome sense of humor)

:head tilt:

Well, actually, that's not TOO bad. I mean, EW, yes, but at least they kept the gore to a minimum.

 

In fact, this next one doesn't have ANY blood! Yay!

And hey, perky nipples! What mom-to-be doesn't want her friends eating perky lady nipples at her shower? Besides all of them?

 

I feel I should warn you, though, that this next one is definitely crossing a line:

Not ready. NOT READY.

 

Just tell yourself this is a creepy old man poking his head out of sheet, and you MIGHT only scream for, like, a second or two:

Brb, still screaming.

 

But you know what we haven't had enough of yet in this post? Doll parts and drippy red syrup.

STILL SCREAMING.

Ok, for realsies, folks, turn back now.

'Cuz you do NOT want to see this last one.

It's bad.

Real bad.

Why are you still scrolling?

Are you on a diet?

Out of birth control?

Do you ENJOY feeling queasy?

Well, ohh kaaaaay....

What's that? You want to ZOOM IN?

You sick, sick puppy, you.

SCREAMING FOREVER.

 

"Thanks" to Jenn M., Matt R., Carl G., Anony M., Heidi D., & Amber B. for making me question all of my life choices up to this point.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

« Wacked Out Wrecks | Main | Baker of Wrecks, Destroyer of Childhoods »

Reader Comments (75)

Looking through Cake Wrecks while eating... not the smartest thing I've ever done.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

Most are well made...not sure if that's a good thing or not O_o

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

i do so hope that was a red velvet cake.....

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKathH

who in their RIGHT mind decided C-sections (in graphic detail) are great subject matter for a baby shower cake?

just saying.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAddie

Be bloody, bold, and resolute; laugh to scorn
The power of wrecks, for none not of woman born
Shall harm Macbeth or Jen.

Macbeth Act IV: Scene I

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Seriously- why do all these cakes have such perky nipples? Is that really necessary? (Is it bad that bothers me more than anything else on this post?)

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterHaley

To quote Westley,
"Dear God, what is that THING?"

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Oh my!! That last one is just too much! I knew nothing of C-section day, and I can't say learning about it has enriched me in any way. (It IS my daughter's birthday, and my niece's twins' birthday, and none of them were born by C-section.)

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNancie

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you....for helping to keep my new year's diet on track. I don't think I'll be able to eat anything all day. Please excuse me while I go hurl.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

The funny thing is that most of these cakes are actually pretty well done...at least from a cake wreck perspective....

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn

What is Mick Hucknall doing under that sheet? Well, he was in Simply Red...

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Why does the one with the"old man poking his head through a sheet" have a tiny "Merry Christmas" sign behind it? WHY!!! Are we sure it isn't really Ebenezer Scrooge? Anyway, if I were to ever receive a cake like THAT for Christmas or any other holiday for that matter, I don't think I would ever speak to the person who gave it to me again.
As for the rest, why would anyone want a cake with tiny bloody baby parts coming out of it (unless it was for Halloween)? And that last child looks like it is crossed with some sort of amphibian. That wiggly leg is creepy and I think it needs to cook a little longer. Just...so...wrong!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Had three Cs, myself. Family and friends hosted showers that were fun and festive, without there being a single drop of blood spilled, or drippy sign waved, or headless, limbless, tacky torso cake to operate on. Maybe I should feel cheated....? =^~.~^=

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Remember those innocent days when baby shower cakes had little blocks on them? Maybe a teddy bear or just some pink and blue frosting? Those were the days.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

Oh, this is SO not a good post to read when you're actually pregnant. What was I thinking?

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Okay, I was a medic for over 20+ years, and encountered gore and gross things one can only imagine. Childbirth, whether by C-section or the 'natural' way, is not pretty. It's messy, sticky, bloody, and gross. Yes, medics get grossed out too, we just do our job and worry about tossing our cookies AFTER we take care of the patient, and in private.
Before ordering one of these lovely gems, they should be required to at least watch a graphic real childbirth video in full color with the volume turned up. I'll be the first one in the front row watching them eat their cake after they have seen it. And no way would I like a slice of any of them. I shudder. LOL

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCookiemama

@Haley:

No, you are not the only one bothered by a depiction of a heavily sexualized female torso upon which violence is visited both from the inside (bulges showing the baby kicking, or maybe even scratching its way out?) and the outside, the latter even in two ways (1-apparently, a surgeon has just cut into said body, and 2- a [cake] knife shall be taken to it shortly as well). No, Haley, you are not at all alone in finding it bothersome that some people would imagine a female body aroused under these circumstances, as suggested by the skimpy neglige and those nipples. These cakes are soooo wrong on soooo many levels.

Having had a C-section, I can tell you right now: surprisingly, you won't look nothing like these cake torsos, ladies, m'kay? You'll have to wear a [gasp] hospital gown without a bra and will be covered in layers of that surgical linen stuff while people give you an APGAR score, of which you will be vaguely aware due to being blissfully sedated. Then you'll hear them counting the surgical instruments to make sure nothing was left inside your lady innards when you are being closed up, and you'll hope they know their math. Then you'll be happy you live in the 21st century where people can save you and your baby's lives with this surgery. But there is nothing sexy about a C-section, from what I recollect. At. All. I hear the same is true for the regular variety of giving birth.

Also: just eeewwww. Ewwww. Ewwww.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGrammar Gracie

OK, yesterday's title was "Destroyer of Childhoods", which is reminiscent of the Tenth Doctor's nickname "Destroyer of Worlds". But, even though I noticed it, I didn't comment, thinking it was just me with "Doctor-On-The-Brain". But today's title starts out "I am So, So Sorry", which is a thing the Tenth Doctor was well-known for saying.

IS there some sort of sly Doctor-themed subtlety going on here? Or is it really just me?

Allons-y!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

@Becky-Do not, I repeat DO NOT read Cookiemama's comment.

And congardualtions!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Ok, my twins were born by C-section, and I'm pretty sure neither tried to crawl out to meet the world like several of these babies seem to be doing…good gracious!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTwinMom

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!
THE HORROR!!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

I've had two c-sections. I'm fairly sure the experiences were less painful than actually choking down these cakes would be. (Especially that last one...obviously that doctor should be sued for malpractice for creating an incision that HAS to be contaminated by threads from the cheap polyester nightie.)

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKae

I'm not a mother or a doctor, but it seems to me that a woman would have to take off her cute/sexy lingerie before her C-section. And yet, that last cake has the incision THROUGH the clothing. Even the old man is crawling through a slit in the white hospital blanket. Since when does a doctor cut through the fabric to get to the stomach? Seems like that would make it more difficult to pull the baby out without being smothered by fabric. Plus, there would be threads sticking to the wound...just an all-around mess.

My point is, those cakes, besides being gross, are fashionably inaccurate. As if that was the biggest problem with them.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMSTeacher3K

It's my daughter's birthday today, and she wasn't born by C-Section either. In fact she was in such a hurry to appear my entire labour lasted an hour from start to finish, and my husband was praying she wouldn't arrive in the car! Happy 8rd britday, my lovely gril xxx

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

I can't imagine wanting to even make these cakes and work on them for hours to get them "just right."

Even more, I just can't fathom making this the centerpiece of the party, cutting it, putting slices of this on a plate, and EATING this. Just. . . . .no.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I think my lunch is coming back up.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAllegra

Oh Hell No, who wants to eat now with that kind of cake?!?!?!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterChris

Why is that sign on the last one so....serial killer murdery writing?! Obviously that baby killed the Mom from the inside, carved it's way out with the sign and it is coming for the rest of us! Ok that was a little dark...but after seeing that and so many perky nipples, I'm in an odd mood! By the way, it's the 7th anniversary of my 1st C-section, also known as my daughter Amanda's birthday...I had no idea today was also C-section day! Worked out perfectly for me!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSara

My very first niece was born yesterday by C-section, and her mother, father and I just laughed and gagged through today's offerings. Thank you so much for the laugh, it was disturbing and hilarious and crazily relevant today! You guys are the best!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

And had I not already been firmly in the "childfree by choice" category, this would have pushed me over the edge.
Oh and two questions. (Well, more than that but...)

Third one down, what is coming out with the arm holding the sign? I mean is that a leg or a tentacle?

Second one down, with the perky nipples. What is up with the star highlighting that part? Esh.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCarma

I had a C-Section with baby #5. All I can say it, I am quite relieved that no one felt that it was something to memorialize in cake for me. I mean really! Why?!?!?!?

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Lori's Walkiing Dead Birth-day cakes? Good lord, those are just nasty, especially that last one.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterdeb in atlanta

Maybe it's because I'm a Brit, but I don't get the idea of baby showers. Why have the party *before* the baby is born? Furthermore, why have the party with cakes welcoming the named child whilst they are still firmly in utero? I don't know whether it's just a superstition, but celebrate when you know that everything went to plan!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJohanna

Some how the super lumpy boobs and tummy of the last cake is even more disturbing than the blood baby parts exiting it.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAbbey

These cakes are scarier looking than most scenes from THE WALKING DEAD. I want to know who would pay money for these things? As Angela S wrote: "Remember those innocent days when baby shower cakes had little blocks on them? Maybe a teddy bear or just some pink and blue frosting? Those were the days."
I agree 100%. Baby shower cakes should be pretty -- not horrific!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Maliga

Johanna, I think the logic behind the baby shower is to help the expectant mom set up house and wardrobe for the baby as easily as possible before the birth actually happens. I don't have kids, though I've attended a few showers in the past. (I can't even remember if there was cake involved or not.)

Also, I recall reading somewhere that baby showers were an English tradition which migrated to the U.S and then disappeared from the mother ;) land. Sadly, I can't seem to find the article where I first read this. One claims that the modern baby shower didn't become a big thing here until the 1940s, which is interesting.

I don't understand the logic behind these cakes at all, however, and I've looked at plenty of them in the CW archives at this point. Maybe it's a whistling-past-the-graveyard thing. Or a secret plot to halt overpopulation by persuading millions of impressionable young women to never have babies. I'm open to better suggestions from other site fans, though. :/

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterms_xeno

@Johanna:

I'm from Europe as well and feel similarly about baby showers. My theory: it's that ancient fear left over from surviving the middle ages that by next Wednesday, the plague or cholera or inquisition or marauding mercenaries might get between you and the event on your calendar. Hence, no showers, no parties BEFORE the actual date of birth, nothing premature... it's bad luck, and you might jinx the person you are celebrating!
;-)

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGrammar Gracie

@Johanna Exactly. My grandmother always said it was "bad luck" to even tell anyone what name you'd picked out before the baby was born.

The main reason for a baby shower, especially for first babies, is to make sure the new parents have everything they'll need to take care of the new little one.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLady C

Did each of these shower hostesses hate the mom to be?? Can't think of any other reason for these cakes. They will send a first time mom running forbthe hills. Looking at them is bad...imagine a piece on a cute party plate..... need a real strong stomach!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterterriec

Why, oh why is it necessary to make cakes like this???? Oh yes, to give this site interesting things to look at and make funny comments (most of which are hilarious and witty) and make us realise just how weird some people can be ;-)

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBianca

i should have read the title of this post and closed the window immediately.

why in the heck did somebody think a horror-movie-style bloody "here i come. . ." sigh was in ANY WAY a good idea??

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine

Just for the record, a few months into my pregnancy my nipples perked up and felt like they were made of rock, and they never really went down again. My daughter is turning 8 next week and my nipples, while a bit softer, are still firmly puckered up. Very inconvenient.

That said, I see no reason to memorialise either c-sections or pregnancy-perked nipples in cake.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAwesomeAud

I would totally make on of the cakes as as a public service for all men who say childbirth is natural. Because childbirth is about as natural as eating on of those son of chuckkie cakes.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

I am starting to wonder how many of these folks watched "V: The Final Battle" ('80s) and the alien birth scene scarred them.

The big head one that is wrinkly... Paint green add teeth and reptile eyes it'd come close to that scene.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermelmac

Question:... Why are a couple of these babies coming THROUGH the clothes?? Isn't it customary to remove the clothing BEFORE an operation??

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterConnie

@SaraCVT: My brain went straight to Doctor Who too.

As for these cakes, I am at a loss to explain these. WHAT were they thinking?!?

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Speaking as someone who has delivered three children all via C-Section... These are disturbing. However, why the perky nipples? Because it is friggen COLD in the operating room! I shivered through all three of mine, until they got far enough along to tuck a warmed up blanket over my upper half. So these bakers are just letting you know how uncomfortably cold these ladies are.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSamie K

@MSTeacher3K, that was my first thought too--wouldn't the medical staff at least remove the clothing before cutting through body parts?? If you're going to be that bloody and graphic on a cake, you may as well be sensible. [Did I just write that?]

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Of all of them, #2 is positively cute! #3 disturbs me no end, however. What is that THING next to the hand?! IS it a tentacle? Is it baby Cthulhu?

Nos 1 and 5 need to have the Alien chestburster substituted in place of disembodied limbs.

And the less said about the *hurk* last one, the better. Who in their right minds would think that was in any way appetising?!

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDalek

The OR is pretty darn cold. I'm going to pretend that that is why the nipples are so perky.

January 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

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