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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Sep162014

Stick A Pick In It

"... and to avoid any possible mistakes, instead of any writing on the cake I'd like you to just use one of those plastic 'Happy Birthday' picks, please."

 

"No, no, I don't want you to write it, I want you to use one. You know, the 'Happy Birthday' sticks? Yes. One of those."

 

"Maybe I'm using the wrong word. Um... do you have a decorative plaque you put on cakes? One that says 'Happy Birthday'? Because that's all I want. Really. Just that!"

[massaging temples]

 

"See, now you just wrote 'pick' again."

 

"Aha! Well, you DID use some birthday plaques this time. But see, that's all I want! No writing, just one plain 'Happy Birthday' plaque."

 

"I feel like we're going in circles here.

 

"Tell you what, forget the sticks, picks, and plaques, k? Go ahead and write happy birthday. JUST HAPPY BIRTHDAY. That's it. Got it?"

 

Thanks to Emily H., Garret E., Dan N., Savannah W., Shelly F., Melissa W., & Evan H. for today's just desserts.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (46)

Stick a fork in it--you're done.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

If I had to pick a favorite post for this week ..... today might be it.
Though I'd really like to stick it to those wreckerators, er, decorators.
Now excuse me while I go remove some plaque from my teeth.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Hey now, let's be fair.
If you want a just birthday,
who am I to judge?

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

"No, No just Happy Birthday, got It? What are you some of kind of idiot!"

"I'm not sure I can fit all that on cake sir."

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercsrster

"Since what you write is wro --oo --oo --ong, I don't want you to write..."

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The UPSIDE: Kayque Wrekxcsz will live FOREVAHHHHH!!!!!!! (Now, where'd I put my aspirin...?) =^~.~^=

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

A plague on all your birthdays....

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Some bakers, they learned a new trick
Just display your good wish with a pick
But some found it exciting
To add their own writing
Which made me exclaim, "What a poor example of decorating and comprehension skills that guy has...

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Three exciting celebrations today!

First, we celebrate the first use of the plectrum, a “small, flat tool used to pluck or strum a stringed instrument.” Happy Birthday, Pick!

Next, it was on this day, many, many years ago, that Caveman Ogg picked up a small branch and used it to start a fire. He also found that object, when sharpened, to be useful for hunting. Later, he threw pieces of it toward his pet dog, who retrieved it and brought it back to him. Happy Birthday, Stick!

And finally, it was today is the day that dental plaque was first discovered, in 1843, in Yellowstone, Wyoming. Happy Birthday, Plaque!

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Creamy lumps and plastic colorful balls, seasoned with just the right amount of paprika!

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBassgirl

I'm impressed not a single one wrote "plague" on those cakes. Is that a glimmer of hope, or grasping at straws? Or sticks...

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

This reminds me of the time I went to Starbucks and ordered a latte. When asked my name, to avoid confusion (silly me), I said "June" like the month. You guessed it, my cup said month when I got it!

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJunebug

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse. . . . .

I guess the bright spot is that I was expecting at least one cake to say "Happy Birthday Plague." So there's that.

I am really scraping the bottom of the barrel for optimism here, aren't I?

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

The stupid...it burns D: lulz@haiku joy. Even though it is soo off, the last one still looks yummy

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I'm amused that the one with balloons and Happy Birthday Pick has balloon picks.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCat

::sigh::
I always think, "They cannot be serious", but there's the photographic evidence right there....

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

??? Okay, can anyone 'splain me please-why is there a pile of red "sand", paprika or red velvet cake mix in the center of the 4st cake? And on the 5rd, the only word that's completely legible is Stick...? <heavy sigh>

Haiku Joy- :-D
SuBee- I love me a great limerick...but one that completely goes off rhythym is HI-larious!!
mel- love your History lessons, better than Peabody and Sherman!

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

@mel: I enjoyed your "Great Moments in History", and learning about how Mr. C.O. "invented" fire, as well as the game of "fetch" (as it is known afetchinately today). But what I really want to know is this: could he cook?
=^-.-^=

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That sixth cake looks like it says "Happy Birthday Plague." If so, given what looks like festive bacteria in the center, nailed it!

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZeldabird

@Haiku Joy, I think that's my favorite one of yours ever!

So apparently, many wreckerators are literalists!

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

mel, I loved it.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Could be worse. They could have misspelled "plaque" and given them the "plague".

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermicci

My nephew got the nickname Stick so those cakes could actually be appropriate.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Mine would say "The Happy Birthday plastic thingy"

Piaque? They're getting all fancy on us now.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChris

Happy Birthday plaque?? Time to brush your teeth!!! :-)

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJim

The penultimate cake with the inscription "HAPPY BIRTHDAY PLAGUE" is being very nice considering the plague decimated the European population between 1346-53. Personally I wouldn't want to wish happy birthday to something that had killed up to 200 million people. But that's just me.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

I am actually surprised that none of the wreckerators used plague instead of plaque.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersue

At least cake #2 is bright and cheerful in its cluelessness!

@SuBee - That made me laugh!

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

Paprika? I wasn't sure if it was that or phosphorus powder from some chemistry lab experiment :-D

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTK

Oh, right - paprika. I thought it was red dye pigment they didn't mix properly into the icing.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

To the tune of "Three Blind Mice"

Picks, sticks, plaques,
Picks, sticks, plaques,
That's all we want,
That's all we want,
But we went down to the baker man's shop,
And he made a cake with the words on top,
"Just happy birthday", oh why won't he stop,
at picks, sticks, plaques.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

Plaque's real name is Bob but his cruel dentist father gave him a nickname that stuck like... well plaque. Stick was just a scrawny hillbilly who didn't eat a whole lot. Both are feeling super loved today as it's not even their birthday...

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNaughty Nautilus

Am I the only one to notice that the cake, third to last with the "plaque" that the "Happy" looks more like H U Y Y S Y?

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterButtercream

I thought paprika was for deviled eggs?

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@Buttercream-I thought it said "Hayyay," which is such a happy word I think I'll start using it.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

With apologies to Bill Engvall, here's your plaque.

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

(pinches bridge of nose)

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGena

What does #5 even say?

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

What does #5 even say?

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

If I want it then you should have put a stick on it. Woah oh oh, woah oh oh...

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSam

My favourite is the rainbow birthday plague uhm plaque

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHannah

@SuBee: hahaha…I think that is called a Limertickle – like a limerick, but with a tickle at the end….
@VaBeach alemaP: thank you, but to be fair, they let me borrow their WABAC….
@sendingtheclownssendingtheclowns: could he cook!? Why, certainly, as long as you liked everything well-well-done…..
@Haiku Joy: I am honored. As I read your post earlier, and marveled at its clever word play, I thought, That lady can say more in 17 syllables than I can in 17 paragraphs…you continue to amaze me….
@Seabird: ha! Nicely done….

September 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

SuBee, you're a genius. This blog gets the BEST comments!

September 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

I know I'm late to the posting here, but I love, love these posts where we get to see the escalating frustration of a hypothetical customer. Totally brilliant writing!

September 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Well at least you can still eat it

September 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterrayde

Lmao too funny

September 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermandiiiii

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