Logo Low-Blows
July 24, 2014 I know it can be scary asking a bakery to do something custom, like, say, a school or brand's logo.
But DON'T PANIC; I'm here to walk you through it.
First, print out a nice, clear image to bring in as a reference:
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With something as simple as this Chanel logo, you can be sure there is simply NO WAY...
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...that the results won't be hysterical.
When ordering a Saints logo...
;){kind=logo}
...it helps to have the patience of one.
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Oh, and when you give the baker your reference image, be sure to mention how closely you want your cake to match; some bakers take it more as a "guideline" than an actual rule.
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"Why'd you use the S?!"
"Because I don't know what the F is going on!"
Still, the most important thing, my friends... is to be glad you aren't ordering a Texas Longhorns cake.
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Because seriously, that thing is the Kobayashi Maru of cake orders:
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...you can't win.
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(But hey, at least this one's got heart!)
Thanks to Amy B., Ashley B., Candace F., Amy B., Allison, & Chris L. for getting that last one off his chest.
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Reader Comments (43)
"I invented my life by taking for granted that everything I did not like
would have an opposite, which I would like." Coco Chanel
Coco never saw these cakes...
Sung to "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits
Now, look at them logos, that's the way you do it
You pipe on frosting at the bakery.
They ain't workin'. That's not how you do it.
That's Roman num'rals, not a linked CC
No, Saints ain't workin, but just power through it
Lemme tell you, that S cake's dumb
Maybe it's a longhorn, it's so hard to figure
I just can't tell what it's become.
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Thanks, Jen! A day that starts with a Kobayashi Maru reference is always a GOOD day...
The "longhorn" cakes remind me of the many wonderful ovary cakes we've seen. The last cake also has bleeding frosting which makes it look even more like a bloody heart/ovary. Yummmm.
I'm going to give the first cake credit for spelling Chanel correctly! The black blob logo is unidentifiable without it.
Well, at least the "Longhorns" didn't look like uteri.
One person won. But he cheated.
Hmm, I was thinking uterus for the last one. I can't decided which scares me more . . .
And did you notice that the Fletcher Senators cake was supposed to say Division instead of District?? D'oh!
Anyone issuing quasi-geek points for remembering what Kobayashi Maru is without looking it up? I'm oddly proud of that.
Dear Jen and John,
first now it is high time to say a big THANK YOU for your amazing blog!
I had a big flu some weeks ago and while I snuggled on my sofa, bored and sneezing, browsing the internet, I stumbled across your blog. And from then on the flu was much easier to bear because I started to go through the past entries of your blog, having SO much fun!!!
As I love to bake cakes myself, and love beautiful cakes, I could not believe what I saw, bad and (Sunday Sweets) awesome!
And my hubby already nows what is coming when I am staring at the laptop, squeaking every five minutes, OMG, come come, look!!!! : )
The Chanel cake in your today entry is really gruesome, especially as on Pinterest I have adored so many incredibly beautiful Chanel cakes before, like this here: http://de.pinterest.com/pin/296604325432343206/
I would LOVE to see a Chanel-themed Sunday Sweets entry one day! ; )
Lots of greetings from Berlin
Christina
Hmmm.... You seem to have invented a
New version of the Rorschach test! Very colorful
One too.....lol
This scares me a little...my wedding is coming up in September and my fiancé loves the Texas Longhorns, so I wanted to order a groom's cake with the logo on it for him. But I don't want it to end up looking like an anatomically correct heart or a uterus, that would definitely cast the wrong mood over the reception. Perhaps I should take these pictures to the bakery as examples of what it can NOT look like!
The second Longhorns logo is almost right.
Almost.
There was an episode of Blossom where Phylicia Rashad drew a Texas longhorn on a cake to explain how a girl's body practices for when she's ready to have children. These bakers are just reminiscing about that episode.
Chanel -- the official designer for Librans.
Fifty Ways to Make A Cake Wreck (again, apologies to Paul Simon)
These are the worst cake wrecks that ever I did see
Why can’t they take their work much more seriously?
Once you have seen them, you can never then unsee
There must be fifty ways to make a cake wreck
I said, “It’s really not my habit to intrude
And bakers, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But sometimes your offerings are really just plain crude.
You must know fifty ways to make a cake wreck.”
Fifty ways to make a cake wreck.
What is that logo, Pogo?
A double “C,” Bree
That’s a sad Fleur-de-lis, Denise
(A ghost more likely)
Nicely made “S,” Tess
You should have made an “F” though
And stop making horns, Bjorn
End this wrecking spree
Made the tiers lean, Jean
Real flowers look sad, Brad
Plop on a toy, Roy
And is that a tree?
Is that Bat Man, Stan?
He doesn’t look like him much
Brown just looks like poo, Boo
And that you can’t see?
I said, “It grieves me to see customers in pain,
And once they see these cake wrecks they’ll never come back here again.
I hope you appreciate that – let me again explain
About the fifty ways.
I think that you should just sleep on this tonight
And I hope that in the morning you will see that I am right.”
And then I shook my head and left but knew sadly I was right,
There must be fifty ways to make a cake wreck
Fifty ways to make a cake wreck
You just look at that crack, Jack
Used the wrong pan, Stan
Just add another toy, Roy
As many as three
Used the wrong tip, Tripp
And you can’t spell correctly
Add an apostrophe, Lee?
No dictionary?
Is that a baby’s head, Ted?
Way too much red, Fred
No, not a va-jay-jay, Kay
We don’t want to see!
No phallus, Alice
You’ve shown us waaaaay too much
You can’t make a koi, Troy
Looks more like a bee
Star Trek reference for the win!
The cakes, on the other hand... Not so much with the winning.
....and arteries.
These are instances where edible photo paper seems like a good idea...almost
@mel for the WIN!! Love it!
#1 looks like an old pair of black rubber boots...BTW, black frosting can be gross/interesting, depending on one's perspective/ curiosity/ mental age.
The "Saints" thing~(the black shape in the very center)...sort of gives me a poltergeist-y feeling; no clue why! Longhorn's been here before...and it's still ugly, but looks chocolate-chippy, so YUM! The Fletcher Senators thing was probably an monest histake... Wonderful specimens, folks! Keep up the crappy work! (Y'know what I mean!)
=^~.~^=
OMG, that last one is a turd with antlers!!
OK, I am going to give the baker of cake #3 the benefit of the doubt that it was a phone order. The letters "S" and "F" can sound the same over the phone. And Senators begins with S. If it were the Fletcher Wildcats or something, then I would have no leg to stand on. "I'd like to order a sheet cake with a blue F in the center." Yea, I can see it happening. Why division changed to distruct, I have no clue. That is my theory and it is mine. Ahem...ahem... (10 pts if you get THAT reference.)
The last longhorn cake looks more like when my dog has a loose stool...
Wow, just wow. How can these decorators look at the finished product and think, "yep, looks good?" I've been decorating a long time - hobby baker - and can't imagine selling these to people. My daughter did a better job with a frosting bag when she was 3!
At first glance, i thought the first Texas Longhorns cake was an outline of the space shuttle. If you tilt your head just right and squint...
Last one looks like churros coming out of a old heart. o.O
Hahaha mel! I was singing right along silently and laughing loudly!
Great post as always, J & J!
"at least this one's got heart!" ....more like strangulated intestines...gack!
I was a Fletcher Senator once upon a time and am a bit offended that the baker not only wrecked the logo, they were apparently color blind. Fletcher's colors are Purple and White, not Smurf and White.
The Kobayashi Maru of cake orders! Hmm. So how would Kirk deal with it? Well, he would cheat, obviously. He would hack into the computer and change the customer's order to the more basic "UT" logo because, seriously, who would be incompetent enough to mess up two simple capital letters?
Oh, right.
Now getting that burnt orange just right, that's another matter.
Brilliant as always, Sharyn!
We gotta make these wreckerated logos.
Custom orders done miserably.
We gotta make these abominations.
We gotta mix these colors weirdly.
The only way to redeem that last one is by taking the heart and burning it screaming: Kalima!!!
The 5th cake makes me think of a lizard who had eyes bigger than its stomach. See the little feet? =D
(I'm sorry, english isn't my first language..>.<)
I'm so glad I remembered to put town the coffee today. Reading the commentary was bad enough but then the comments almost did me in...again!
@Sharyn ~ I'm so glad you're here today. Much love to you my friend!
@mel ~ I have no idea how you do it but I'm continually amazed and in awe.
Are we sure the last one isn't medical waste?
I saw an article on Yahoo News today about a boy in India who had 232 teeth removed. One of the commenters left this little gem. "In other news, the Tooth Fairy has filed for bankruptcy... " that has, as of 2:13 p.m. PST, been given the thumbs up 1.2k times. That person needs to come play here. I think they would be fun!
Love the PotC reference buried in there.
on the actual cake its amazing what edible ink and rice paper can do
@lisadh: thanks for your kind words...I'm glad you enjoyed it :-)
@Elephant3: thank you...I appreciate your comment...and as for "singing right along silently and laughing loudly"...I am impressed -- I could do one, but not both...my hat is off to you!
@Jodee: I'm not sure how it happens, either...and that's probably just as well...but I appreciate your amazement and awe....and I also enjoyed the note about the tooth fairy....
Oh man even with a reference pic these wreckerators can't get it right. I am beginning to think they like trolling the customers lol. Sheesh.
Mel, you are AWESOME!
Christina M, I so agree. Finding this blog was one of the best things I've ever done. Tell all your friends - I have.
You know, logos are hard to do. If they're not exactly right, they look silly. if your team wins, don't ask for a cake with the team logo on it - just a simple 'CONGRATULATIONS!'. What could go wrong?
Haha I love this post! Once, my friends and I ordered a cake for a good friend's birthday. They bakery actually managed it to write "Birthday" wrong (Bihtday...) and mess up her name:D I love your blog, it's so funny. Thanks for sharing!
Somebody messed with Texas.
Remember when in sex ed the teacher would draw a uterus and Fallopian tubes.
@Morag: thank you...I just love playing here...and finding this blog was a life-changer for me...and have you read the books!!!! They are sooooo funny!
That last one is definitely going to a gynocological convention, right?
Jodee, oh my stars, your comment just had me rolling. I'm almost sobbing I'm laughing so hard. The cats think I'm nuts and Mr. Haiku knows I am. The picture of the Tooth Fairy, showing her pockets inside out . . .
That third Texas Longhorn cake must have been done by either a Oklahoma Sooner fan or a Texas A&M Aggie fan.