You Won't BELIEVE How Desperate These Click Bait Headlines Are
May 13, 2014 No matter how I rail against our Facebook overlords, the truth is we really depend on the traffic we get from my daily updates over there - even with FB only showing my posts to about 6% of you. :/
So to make the most of it, John keeps pushing me to make my Facebook posts more "enticing."
;)
Success!
(Anna M. made her own princess castle homage. Day = MADE.)
(Though I must admit, Anna, those candles are making even ME uncomfortable.)
I only have so many headstrong castles cakes I can post, though, so I did some research on what kinds of headlines get the most attention. Here, you guys tell me if I'm doing this right:
5 Huge Mistakes You're Making Right Now That Will Probably Kill You
;)
Mystery Code Unlocked, Incredible Hidden Message Revealed!
;)
One Weird Trick GUARANTEED To Make You Lose Eight Pounds Overnight:
;)
Baker Gives Entire Graduating Class The Finger
;)
Shocking New Discovery: Did Leo Kill Himself?
;)
You Won't Believe What's Under These Skittles:
;)
(I still don't.)
Benedict Cumberbatch Gets Frisky, Drops Scarf:
;)
So, how am I doing, guys? Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments; maybe I'll get some post inspirations out of 'em. ;)
Thanks to Anna M., Jodie G., David D., Harri, Tim R., Ashley, Laura R., & Josh R. for the excuse to post yet another of those bizarre scarf cakes.
*****
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Reader Comments (87)
I found you on FB.. You might make a suggestion to those who follow you to get all your posts.
First, on the "like" dropdown click "get notifications"
Second, make "interest lists".. you're in my "good things I want to see" list.
I've about 10 lists I use to group like pages.
It works. I get ALL your posts, maybe not on my newsfeed, but in my list!
btw, I'm loving your posts!
@SaraCVT you beat me to it! LOl And @Beemyladybug, I'm dying to work the term "dong-a-thon" into a conversation today!!
The One Type of Cake You Should Never Eat! Ever! (Patooie!)
Was the graduating class from an all boys catholic school?...thats bad :(
Cake Wrecks makes my day all the time, and anything to do with Benedict Cumberbatch is automatically perfection.
This totally worked on me. You lured me in with "things a baker won't tell you".
@Sharyn-Ya gotta love a children's song with the lyrics, "There's magic pills that towers can take before they go out to play!" Well done!
My daughter just loves Benjamin Cummberbund! She often says to me, "IT'S CUMBERBATCH! CUM-BER-BATCH!! CUMBERBATCH!! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH."
Then I quietly say to myself, "I know..."
Not sure if it helps but according to my email I'm a gay man over sixty looking for a date on a Jewish dating website who needs to buy Viagra from Canada and in desperate need of life insurance because my uncle I never knew I had just left me 4 million pounds which I only need to pay 500 US dollars to collect. O.O
What the frosting? Brie covered with apricot jelly(?) and Skittles????? Who would think that was an appetizing idea? And what's with the gumball machine plastic ring on top of the whole monstrosity? Did the "chef" think that just pulled the whole thing together?
And by the look on his face, yes, Leo did kill himself. Donations can be made in lieu of flowers.
Congrations on another great post, Jen, and a happy extremely belated birphday to you.
Now these are the kind of birthday cakes I want for my birthday(which is today!!!) ACTUAL ARTISTS DEPICTIONS!!!!!!!
Thank God my entire family knows if mama don't make it, DON"T BUY IT!!
13 Things Your Baker Won't Tell You and We Were Buried In Cake (the Reader's Digest version of click bait.)
The first title (5 Huge Mistakes You're Making Right Now That Will Probably Kill You) made me laugh because it reminded me of titles on Cracked.com
The Brie thing broke my brain. Was in the middle of talking to my husband while reading and I just froze. I couldn't speak. That is just... that is just...just...
I must confess... any mention of Benedict Cumberbatch is an auto-click for me. I am a big ol' Cumbercookie!
Hey, I've got an actual non-snark comment! :) Namely, I like supporting CakeWrecks and Epbot by clicking from their pages when I shop Amazon, but it's kind of a nuisance to have to scroll down the page looking for the Amazon link. Could you also put a discreet button in the menu at the top of the page for "Shopping Support" or something like that so it's easier to launch my shopping sprees from your site(s) and thus earn favor for your site(s) in the eye(s) of our corporate overlord(s)? (Whoa, I wasn't quite meaning to make a Sauron reference there but I guess I did.)
Thanks!!
Kimstu
THAT'S BRIE UNDER THOSE SKITTLES? Whoever was responsible for that "cake" should be put through guillotine on #4. Such a crime against taste is unforgivable!
Seahawks Brie.
Regarding the pink 'castle' cake....Recently overheard in a Hospital Emergency department...."Yes Doctor, I tripped in the kitchen and fell on the cake and now it is stuck in there!"
Who ever thought it would be a good idea to ruin a delicious brie with skittles deserves to go think on their actions in jail. Or at least in a mental institute.
You totally had me at Benedict Cumberbatch. So, yeah, hypothesis proven.
Brie and Skittles, Don't taste the rainbow....Really..Don't
Since when skittles go with Brie? Have I missed a disgusting fad? I sure hope so. I will now mourn the dead skittles lol.
Oh, well done Jen!
You could maybe toss in a wardrobe malfunction or two and a "stars without makeup"...and don't forget long life & wrinkle removal. Perhaps not all together, though. :)
If you really want to be as "enticing" as Facebook, you'd start posting your pictures and comments, and about halfway through, you'd start all over again and make people read the same stuff again. Then you'd have some pictures and comments pop up from a day or two before. And to make it truly authentic, you throw in a photo and comments from 18 months ago. Then your blog would be just like the Facebook feed. And make about as much sense.
I really enjoy your posts! I actually just bought your two books on Amazon. So a great add to my day.
Brie!!!!!!!!
Anything that says 'Increase your size!' will work...either penile or mammary. Or 'check out the size of this baker's....' again, either will work. Unless it says, 'Lose Pounds Fast!' and then show hideous cakes that make you want to
retch.
I always follow on facebook and share your posts a lot. Good luck, Jen. You deserve the best.
I concur, a "What Wreck are You?" quiz would definitely pull me in. Not that I'd know about it if it was Exclusive to instatwitface.
How about this?: Pictures of Cute Pets Staring Quizzically At Cake Wrecks
1. Mice Looking Disgusted at Bizarre Cheese Topping
2. Cat Playfully Patting A Ball (or severed head, cats don't care what the difference is)
3. Dog Raising Eyebrows at Suggestive Finger
4. Cockatoo Raising Crest and Squawking at Horrifying Pink Towers
5. Tortoise Looking Bored at TMNT (it's the only look they do)
Personally, I'd love to see a good old-fashioned "Successful writer releases third book!" headline. Just saying, Jen... Go, on, make my Christmas shopping easier! :-)
I'm sorry, someone is going to have to explain. I was confused by the name "Benedict Cumberpatch". It SOUNDS like a kids' cartoon character, possibly a friend of Spongebob Squarepants. What I searched Google, I got a British actor. The only title I've ever seen that apparently had him in was The Hobbit, and I can't say I recall the necromancer having any sex appeal. Did somebody out there put the emphasis in the wrong place and think he was the Neck-Romancer? Is this guy the epitome of "hot" right now? Should I stop reading this site at 4am while waiting for painkillers to kick in?
...and now I am thinking of Benedict Cumberbatch and cake. And Benedict Cumberbatch without various bits of clothing and cake... and I'll just leave that there, shall I?
AA - the Neck-Romancer, lol. Go find some BBC Sherlock to watch and then let us know what you think. ;-)
I really, REALLY like that fourth one. Add a little more red glaze and it would be perfect for Halloween.
all actual headlines:
"I was sure things like this only happened on daytime talk shows!"
"The wedding reception style every newly engaged couple is coveting"
"Marriage advice you should actually listen to"
"Kim Kardashian and Kayne West Grab a Pre-Wedding Sweet Treat in Paris"
"The Week in Tabloid Fodder: Fact vs. Fiction"
"31 food things only people from Hawaii would understand"
"10 Ways Strawberry Shortcake Made Our Dreams Come True"
"This Comfort Food Could Be On The Path To World Domination"
"I'm Not Eating it Wrong"
"57 Foods Every Man Should Eat Before He Dies"
skittle and brie? Really?! What an odd mind to come up with that. Yes, odder than the Transformer cake.
Skittles on Brie? And what in the world is that sauce? That is just horrifying.
That skittles "cake" looks like it's covered in earwax or some other bodily fluid.
For anyone wondering about the skittle topped brie: notice the green and blue ribbon on top the package? Seahawks colors. This is clearly how Marshawn Lynch eats his cheese, people.
Comfort Food, World Domination!