Bill Of Wrongs
March 24, 2014 So my son has a test soon on the Bill of Rights.
Lucky for me, Wreckerators make explaining them easy!
Freedom of Assembly
;)
Even if no one else understands why you're there.
The Right To Bear Arms
;)
He'd like his back, please.
Freedom of Speech
;)
Remember, just because you can say something doesn't mean you should...
Freedom of Religion
;)
AMEN.
The right to a speedy, public trial.
;)
Er, that's "PUBLIC" -- with an "L". o.0
No Unreasonable Seizures
;)
I can't decide whether the sight of this cake causes seizures, or it was made by someone having one.
Lucky me, works either way.
The Right Against Self-Incrimination
;)
One should always plead the fifth after drinking one...
No Cruel And Unusual Punishments
;)
Let's see... Starting a lifetime fear of dolls:
✓ Cruel
✓ Unusual
✓ Punishing
Nailed it!
Y'know, I think my son's test is going to be a piece of cake.
I proudly assert my right to thank Heather P., Robyn D., L&K K., Kathy K., Ashley, Sarah S., Kelsey V., and Rachel M. for having strong enough constitutions to take these pictures.
*****
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Reader Comments (47)
Ah, yes. #4 is an homage to the famous St. Yolanda of the Immaculate Pink Doggie Doo Doo, and #7 is actually a confession signed by a Middle Eastern chap named Iyour Bal Hroom. Am I right?
Oh, say can you see
Cakes that aren’t quite right
Each one is a huge fail
Virgin pug-girl is gleaming.
Who’s that green cupcake guy
Gonna frighten tonight?
Oh that brave little bear
Has no arms yet he’s beaming
And no rocket soars there
It’s a penis, I fear
Some cakes give a fright
Or a seizure, my dear.
Oh say do those dolls there
Have wee little french fry le-egs?
It’s all good for Uncle Steee-eeeeeeeeeve
And for really gay Dave.
Re: freedom of religion
Is there no cake depicting the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
Our founding fathers could not have forseen these cakes D:
By the way, Iyour Bal Hroom had gobbled a lot of Falafal and he felt awful.
Good luck to your son for his test. In case of failure, what kind of wreck is waiting for him?
Just kidding, of course. He's going to ace it, and please reward him with a Sunday-turned-Monday sweet.
Are those dolls' legs made of stalks of rhubarb?! Is that what other people are seeing here?
My sister and I both thank you for the giggles, Sharyn. :)
How ironic that cake #5 has a white blob next to it....
My son took the test right after I wrote the post, and he got 100%. We're celebrating with cake...
Am I the only one seeing that last one as Honey Boo Boo in her glam days, with a leopard-spotted butterfly stuck to her back? Anyone?
Oddly enough, when you click on the last photo, the credit reads: "creepydollcc". (So it's not just us.) Still, they're not without a pinch of old-fashioned, retro charm....almost. And yes, Laura! I also see a rhubarb vibe in those "stalk-ish" legs (accent on the "ish")! I was about to ask the same question when I went back and read your comment!
@SuBee ~ I think I hurt myself singing that!
@Laura ~ I see rhubarb people. (channeling Haley Joel Osment this morning!)
@Sharyn ~ Tell M we're all rooting for him! With clues like this I'm sure he'll ACE it! Or start laughing during testing which may not end well. o.O
These Cakes 'Tis of Thee
These cakes it ‘tis of thee
That celebrate Liberty
You make me cry.
Green cupcakes everywhere!
What are they? Falling hair?
I really just don’t care,
This is so sad.
The bear just gives a shrug.
He can no longer hug,
He’s been disarmed.
An insulting birthday cake,
Why would you want to make?
It makes my poor heart ache.
To see this done.
Our Lady of the Dogs?
I’m kinda in a fog…
Just who is she?
And just what is the scoop
On those three pink dog poop?
I’m just not in the loop,
Can’t fathom this.
Ah, yes, a speedy trial,
Happens once in a while,
Or so they say.
That gavel denotes court,
But I can’t help but snort,
And laughter to abort,
Thinking Ex-lax.
O, psychedelic cake,
Did you a stoner make?
I’m just not sure.
What gorgeous birthday hues
Together you did fuse,
The influence of booze?
God help us all.
And we just can’t omit
Applauding your vomit
Upon the floor.
I’m sure it was a fluke
That you just had to puke,
Thanks a lot, you kook…
Smell’s almost gone.
These dolls are just creepy.
I’ll never be sleepy
Thinking of them.
Their arms and legs are strange,
A doll maker deranged?
The nightmares will remain
E’en in the day.
‘Tis the land of the free,
And that means you and me,
Free to make crap.
What? Take pride in our work?
And just who are you, jerk?
Just go run off and twerk….
Because Merica!
@Sharyn: I had to stop for a while to compose myself after "Freedom of Assembly"...tooooooo funny! (Maybe this is a new trend in cakery: some assembly required....) Well done!
@SuBee: lol...Good work!
@Laura: I thought that same thing! Looks like they just wrapped a piece around for the arms and legs, doesn't it. Must be really old rhubarb to be so flexible. Gross!
I had the exact same thought as Laura--rhubarb for the dolls arms and legs. WTH? And with the "t" not crossed I read the confession one as "I threw up in your ballroom" which is what happened when Cinderella got exceptionally nervous meeting the prince.
When FDR said: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
He obviously never saw creepy butterfly doll cupcakes with orange frosting filled noodle limbs.
'Cause I'm pretty sure he would have mentioned those if he had.
Oh yummy. Dibs on
the orange stick-limbed, cheetah-winged,
ballerina brats.
Tell your son that there are actually 10 amendments in the Bill of Rights, not 8, but it WOULD be pretty hard to find cakes illustrating "No soldiers shall be quartered in civilian homes without consent of owner" and "Right to trial by jury of peers."
Even cake doesn't say it all. But it comes darn close, doesn't it, really gay Dave & creepy uncle Steve? (I like how each has their own distinct traits: Dave is gay but not creepy about it; Steve is straight but ICKY).
Are those creepy doll cupcakes some sort of bizarre butterfly fairies? Or maybe they are attracting moths?? Either way -- just yuck!
SaraCVT-I can actually picture a cake depicting quartered soldiers and it's not pretty...
I really REALLY cannot support or accept any icing/drizzle that is whitish and translucent..... but then, my mind is always in the gutter.
Sharyn, are you giving a class on how to invent lyrics to known tunes? Because if you are, SuBee is the Rock Star of your class!!! Way to go SuBee!
My face actually hurts right now from laughing so hard, I started coughing from laughing so hard, I smeared my makeup with my tears from laughing so hard...Get it? HILARIOUS!!!
I actually like the tie-dye cake.
I'm pretty sure I'd rather hang out with really gay Dave instead of creepy Uncle Steve unless he's the fun find of creepy. Creepy doll phobia is firmly instant. Of course that isn't such a surprise since I do watch Pretty Little Liars.
@mel ~ Yep, you're still my hero!
I think I hurt myself singing your version, too!
@mel: You had me at " three pink dog poop"...It reminded me of one of my all-time favorite rock bands; the legendary Three Pink Dog Poop Night. Awesomemess--er, I mean awesomeness! =^~.-^=
@Susan - I'm with you. Mind in the gutter or not, that icing in combination with creepy bear (sorry Uncle Steve) makes the whole cake gag-worthy.
I loved the really gay Dave and creepy Uncle Steve cake. I think the event at which that cake was served was bound to be interesting. On the other hand, I don't really want to know what the Our Lady of the Trinity of Pugs cake is for. Ever.
Laura-I thought those were those little golf pencils on those creepy doll cupcakes!!!!Not sure whether rhubarb is an inprovement...*blink*blink*.....
I think "I your Balhroom" is code for "on this cookie". Look at the cookie. Doesn't it look like something wet spilled on it?
At least the butterfly cupcake doll things are edible. Except for their creepy, dead-eyed, staring faces.
Totally love Our Lady of the Puggles...Puddles? Really want the backstory on that one.
Ew!
That is NOT a gavel!
Ewwwwwwwwww!!!!
Awesome!
Really awesome!
Great post!
@ Laura, Wildduck et al: I think those might be a twizzler-like candy called LiveWires - their box describes them as "Stawberry cream cables"
Can sombody tell me what the purple blobs are underneath Our Lady of the Puggles? (Love that name, Auntie Meme!!)
OK, so I looked up "patron saint of dogs" and that's St. Roch -- a man. No idea who is the lady with the dogs.
However, I love the first cake, even if it is a CCC and we have no idea what it's supposed to be. It's so cute!
The gay Dave and creepy uncle Steve cake is from this blog http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2007/09/layered-lemon-love/, ie- not a professional. Also, one of the best food blogs ever.
That tie dye cake suffers from "overdecorator-itis". Just because you know how to tie dye your buttercream, pipe embellished shell borders, and make nice flowers, doesn't mean you need to put them ALL on one cake. The tie dye on its own would have been lovely. And the flowers would have looked great on a plain backdrop.
What is that first cupcake mess supposed to be? A disintegrating octopus?
I can't stop laughing at the umm...gavel cake. The white blob of icing at the tip just kills it. Hahahaha!!!
I'm very interested in learning exactly what event that pug cake was for. And I would love to meet really gay Dave and creepy uncle Steve. They sound like a couple of fun guys.
All hail, son of Sharyn!
@mel-I will meet you on the steps of the US Capitol this July 4 at 8:25PM so we can entertain the patriotic citizens gathered to celebrate the birth of our great nation. Get the band together...
Started giggling while reading these, my 16 year old, self proclaimed history geek son asked what I was reading, and came and read them over my shoulder. He was trying VERY hard not to snicker at the 'not a gavel' cake, and he declared the butterfly doll cupcakes absolutely terrifying.
@Zeldabird: Honey Boo Boo had glam days? Plural, even? How sad that they're already behind her, and she's what--seven?
@Jodee: thanks, but OMG! My posts seem to be doing you in -- last week I increased your fear of clowns and today you almost hurt yourself singing...it appears I may be hazardous to your emotional and physical health! Not very "hero-ish"..... I'll try to be more gentle.....
@sendingtheclowns: hahaha...I have all of their albums...I keep them in a pile on the floor.....
@SuBee: it's a deal! and we can end the night on a high note with rocket's red glare, fireworks bursting in air plus your accordion solo!!
Oh great now not only must I fear the clown cakes, creepy dolls are coming in a close second lol. I think wreckerators love to give innocent customers nightmares.
I don't think I've commented before, but I KNOW this one! See what the creepy dolls are? They are totally the cheer leader squad for the carrot jockey race! You know I'm right
@ Tipsykit37:
Yes, that cake looks like the confectionery version of Yvette's Bridal Formal. (Google is your friend...or, in this case, not.)
Regarding #4, sung to the tune of Let It Be by the Beatles:
When I find myself in times of trouble,
mother mary comes to me,
bringing her pug puppies
barking frisk-i-ly.
Frisk-i-ly, frisk-i-ly,
frisk-i-ly, ohh frisk-i-ly,
Bark until tomorrow,
pug puppies.
Those creepy doll wings look real, like someone collected real moths/butterflies for it. And I keep seeing their limbs as fake crab,