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What's a Wreck?
A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
- Jen
February 4, 2014;)
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Reader Comments (54)
We know nothing....NOTHING!
Sung to "Major Tom"
Lost control. Did a face palm.
Lost control. Did a face palm.
Come on bakers. Can't you please put spell check on?
Lost control. Did a face palm.
I hope the grate ones all stayed calm.
Prinesz' mad Mom is out looking for you.
It's hard to control "Guitard" face palm
Morther won't make the grade
Did you spell birthday wrong three ways on a dare?
Or maybe it's a sign you just don't care....
Examine your life. Think of the stress, the disappointment, the indignities, large and small. Think of those around you who are suffering or sad. Now consider the crazy world we live in, a world of uncertainty and grief. Now ask yourself, “Are these cakes so bad. Do they deserve our mockery and derision? “
Yes. Yes they do…
Ha! Well, excuuuse me,
Prines z. That is, your hideness!
Like spelling madders!
"Well, excuse me, Princess" video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ib0rPVh_Xs0
~~~
Now begins the innumerable stories which flood back to my mind of humorous student errors:
- the student who wrote that at her job she "feels up the lettuce" at the salad bar.
- the student who wrote that she was "conferdented" about how good her writing is.
- the student who believed that pedophilia was a woman's name in the article she was reading, and so wrote "Pedophilia was so upset that all this had happened to her" in her research paper.
- the student who wrote that her favorite snack is cheetahs.
- the student who used the term "buxom" to describe Santa Claus
These sentences:
"Every bone in my body started to pulse."
"When the riots were over, 54 people were dad."
"The fresh scent of shea butter feels the bathroom with the warming scent of shea butter."
"As the water tickle and timble into a poodle bubbles flutter into the air."
And this quote, attributed to JFK, in a research paper. And I quote, "We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things."
Love, love, love the Hogan's Hero's picture. Thank you for the blast from the past.
So a Guitard is like a /b/tard, but with fewer traps and only on Caturday?
@Haiku Joy ♡
BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!
Oh lord, I already had tears in my eyes from laughing at the post itself...and then I read Haiku Joy's comment and wound up sliding out of my chair onto the floor because I was l so overcome by laughter. Thanks so much, Joy - my bruised clavicle will remind me of this post for the rest of the day!
You know, your comment reminds me of a pen pal I had back in the 80's that was..umm...a creative speller. My whole family used to love it when I'd read his letters out loud exactly as he wrote them. A couple of his phrases that still come to mind are "Lick you, I am so redy 4 scool to be out 4 the sumer" and "The bal was out of bounce! Ther was even a pictoor to sho it was out of bounce!"
Mind you, we were both juniors in high school at the time so his spelling appalled me. I asked him once (carefully) if he had a learning disorder and he told me that he was just lazy and didn't care enough to spell things properly. I swear he must have been one of the first people to start using the so-prevalent shortcuts that abound today!
These cakes really make me know nothing, and see nothing. (But seriously, this is my favorite post, if for no other reason that it references some of the greatest shows ever!)
I ordered a cake from the Walmart bakery because I wanted a specific theme. Apparently I've been reading this blog too long because I was envisioning a horrible rendition of "what they ordered vs. what they got." I was pleasantly surprised when I picked it up. It looked exactly like the picture in the book! Not every baker in the chain stores is a wreckorator. :)
Haiku Joy, thanks for making me laugh this morning. Now to get rid of the images of a lady at a salad bar making obscene noises as she caresses the lettuce and a Santa Claus wearing a push-up bra. Lovely morning thoughts.
Oh Colonel Hogan...
LOL!!! Thanks for the Tuesday Face Palms, THOJ!
@HaikuJoy -- you can't make this stuff up, can you? And - ROTFL - you don't HAVE to!!!!!!!!
I feel more like *headdesk* covers those things D:. Sharyn lolol. Haiku joy, that would be so funny if not so sad.
Cake 1: a subtle bit of thankfulness for Parmesan cheese….
Cake 2: said the English teacher upon seeing this, “Keep practicing, and some day your “prince” will come.”
Cake 3: according to the Urban Dictionary, a “guitard” is “One who sucks at playing guitar.” Congratulations on one year of no progress, guys!
Cake 4: this cake celebrates Summer Solstice, the day each year that has the longest amount of sunshine. Because it has sunshine more than any other day, it is frequently called “Morther” Day – there’s “more there” than at any other time.
Cake 5: Birdhay: a substance, similar in texture to hay, made from ground up colored feathers frequently used as decoration on a birdhay cake. Birdhay cake: a cake given to pet cats as a special treat.
Cake 6: What the Dickens? Looks like part one of “A Tale of Two Cakes”…it was the bith of times…
Cake 7: Soooooooo close……
@Sharyn: spp
@SuBee: I did that, and you are correct....
@Haiku Joy: loved the stories!!!!
Hey, why is your forehead all red?
:)
The Polar Bear picture sums up EVERY cake wreck - past, present or future.
Haiku Joy, how do you stay sane?
I really wish we could blame this all on some grand government conspiracy, but plain old garden variety stupidity will have to do.
@ Haiku Joy
That must have been one rowdy riot if 54 people ended up dad! I mean, they talk about power outages upping the birth rate 9 months later but I wonder if anyone has studied the same phenomenon after riots? 54 from one riot seems like pretty high statistics to me.
Oh...the cakes? Yeah, ummmm, I wasz just trying to phokus on sumhting less distrubing than them there baddly speeled cakes. *facepalm*
Oh Haiku Joy, you made my day, although I don't doubt that someday, on this very site, we will see a cake that reads, "Happy Bithday Pedophilia!"
This is all I get from today's offering (and such...interesting...material too! Isn't that what the teachers say, Haiku Joy? I still crack up upon reading up my first-grade report card, where my teacher had written, "Sara likes to visit with her neighbors; she is so social!" when undoubtedly she wanted to write "This kid won't shut up!")
Anyway:
"Guitardzan!
He's the guitardman!
He's all you can stand!
Give him a hand!
Guitardzan!
(Ininimitable caterwauling)"
(sorry, Ray)
That's it. I'm going to start using the phrase "Happy Birhty" from now on. After forty, anything to make birthdays more palatable, right?
I'm still trying to figure out that first word on the Guidard Club cake. We all just assume it says Happy but I'm not seeing it. Ylafyry maybe???
@Haiku Joy ~ I love your stories. I think "As the water tickle and timble into a poodle bubbles flutter into the air." is my favorite!
@ Haiku Joy
You're making me miss teaching high school English again.
@Suzanne
She stays sane by laughing.
I always told my students, "If you make me laugh and you mean to make me laugh, that's fine. If you make me laugh and you DON'T mean to, not so good."
Is the one objecting to "Morther Day" a statue of Oedipus?
@Erica, I know what you mean. When I ordered a
BirdhdayBirthtyB-day Cake formorthermom last year, I was a tiny bit disappointed that they got it right.Hey I just wanted to add that I shop on Amazon a lot and I was very happy to be able to use your link for the first time today! Shopping and supporting CW...it's a win win!
Yesterday, as you might have seen, a popular trending topic on Twitter was #HowSeattleRiots--referring to their celebration of the Seahawks' victory, and implying that they would do so POLITELY. My own contribution, which seemed well-received, was "Tips over a car, damaging it, and leaves a note with insurance info. #HowSeattleRiots"
But, Haiku Joy, I think your student unwittingly caught the spirit of that hashtag perfectly. 54 people being dad would indeed be #HowSeattleRiots.
Morthers everywhere must be so proud. Now I want to be grate.
A Hogan's Heroes triple facepalm! My day has been made! Thank you!!!! :-)
That guitar cake is really nice. How did they do such a fantastic job and then mess up guitar.
One does not just walk into Morther Day.
I really like the statue, and would like to know who the sculptor was. It looks "sort of like" a Rodin, but I haven't been able to find any credits. Maybe it wasn't signed. (?!) The guy does look a little upset about something. I suppose the statue of limitations could have expired...
=^-.-^=
Will they ever learn? No.
Will WE never learn? [wipes face and examines keyboard closely to see if I didn't -quite- manage to avoid spitting tea everywhere when I read Haiku Joy's stories] NO.
When I think about onomatopoeia, (yes, I know, but I really DO think about stuff like that!) I usually think about words like "slap" and "fizz" and "shmuck". Now I will always think of "As the water tickle and timble into a poodle bubbles flutter into the air".
I can't WAIT to call some of my friends Guitards!
I remember working with a woman whose son learned to read using the phonics method. Unfortunately he learned to spell with the phonics method too. ghoti=fish
"Ve haff VAYSZ uf makink you GUITARDED!!!!"
Loved today's post. And had to stifle uncontrollable giggles caused by Haiku Joy's post. Oh my...those can't be real, can they? What age group do you teach? I'm sure I have missed the answer to that question somewhere along the way. Must be alternately very entertaining and very depressing. Lol.
You never go full guitard!
melanie sparkles, I teach college, ages 16-80. Most of my students are in their 20-40s.
The statue is of Cain, by Henri Vidal, 1896, and is in the Jardin des Tuileries, Paris.
I really wish we could blame this all on some grand government conspiracy, but plain old garden variety stupidity will have to do.
Loved the pics to go with the wrecks! Grate gails of lafter form my mouff.
@Tachybaptus:
Thank you!
What on earth were the wreckerators drinking when they decorated these cakes? Lol I would die laughing if one were mine then promptly not buy it.. Wow.
I have the perfect cookie for this: http://geekpaperscissors.com/2013/05/star-trek-saturday-facepalm-cookie/
I kept waiting for Theardare or some other cat to do a facepalm.
Can we vote this a new fan favorite? Even without text you guys are "grate."
The Happy Birdhay cake was for my son's ninth birthday. We got it from Cold Stone Creamery. The cake decorator was not there on the day when I ordered the cake so I made sure to write in the request "Happy Birthday Felix" with sprinkles!
Being a cake wreck regular I was thinking that that could be misconstrued in the classical way but NO, this wreckinator managed to steer clear of that hurdle only to come up with Birdhay! We live in Montreal where many people speak French which is why I had clearly spelled out BIRTHDAY so she wouldn't have to guess.
We did not bring the cake back to Cold Stone Creamery to complain because everyone, including my nine year old son was too happy to have gotten a genuine cake wreck so we sent you the picture instead. See what monsters you have created with your blog! Anyway you made my son's day by posting this. Thank you!