We're Pretty Sure It's Not About Drugs
February 18, 2014 [All together, now!]
Puff, the farting unicorn
;)
is so gas-sy.
He frolics with his wrecky friends
;)
in a chain store bakery!
Lounging Staypuft ponies
;)
love that rascal Puff.
But Sparkle Faceplant broke two legs
;)
when things got kinda rough.
Ohhhhh.....
Together they would hunt down
;)
all the zombie cookie fails.
And try to keep down incidents
;)
when ponies got impaled.
They never tease poor Pokey
;)
for his sad horn and mane.
But they steer clear of Horny here
;)
That guy is just insane...
[Whoa!]
Magical thanks to Leann S., Andrea and Anne-Marie S., Andrea McP., Cathy S., Allison H., Elaine E., Ladylockeout, and Stacey H., for helping me wreck one of the most depressing children's songs EVER.
*****
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Reader Comments (51)
After a few puffs, these cakes probably look fairly normal, but I think I'd need something a little stronger to figure out what's going on with Sparkle Faceplant's cake.
Can someone explain it to me? Anyone?
Sharyn, once again, I bow to your genius.
Poot-poot the Pony
carries a stick-armed princess
and a strong jawline.
And they wonder why kids need therapy...
OK, I need a zombie-impaling unicorn cookie cake for my birthday!
Awesome. I think "Sparkle Faceplant" is my My Little Pony name.
Um, what is that .... creature ..... on the last cake? That is the stuff of nightmares, especially for us single women. I mean, is that all that's left out there?
And please tell me that the border of the first cake is frosting, and not piped filling for deviled eggs.
Is that supposed to be a unicorn's head behind Sparkle Faceplant? It's vaguely horsehead shaped and has a small piped horn.. Cakewrecks...Godfather edition.
The pole on the impaled pony is up on blocks. Don't tie up your birthday pony in bad neighborhood, I guess. I suspect this was supposed to be a carousel horse but the wreckerator has a bad sense of direction.
The Unicorn vs Zombie cookie might be the best thing I've seen all day!
I think with the 'blocks" the impaling pole is supposed to be a "fence" for jumping. Hard to jump when you're a half-pony - either that or the course is very, very muddy. (Actually, I kinda like that cake, the artistic idea is cool even if the execution (heh) is imperfect.)
"Sparkle Faceplant"....
0.o
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Thanks, I will be no good at all today (snerk).
john's comment made me go back and look at the impaled pony and I realized that it's actually jumping over a pole, it's just hard to tell from above. You can sort of see how his front legs are tucked under.
I think the tiny cake on top of that cake is adorable.
For the last cake, isn't the saying "Save a horse, ride a cowboy'? Just because the dude is dressed like a horse doesn't make it right the other way.
And I actually like the blue glaze on the Staypuft Pony cake. It's not dripping out the bottom at all!
I'm sure the whole thing looks nice from above.
About Sparkle Faceplant - at first I was staring at that big pink thing and wondered why do they call that dragon head with glowing eyes an unicorn, and how do they know anything about his legs at all. Then I noticed that small... uh.. favourite toy for the dragon, perhaps?
Oh yeah; that last one fills this week's quota of Things I Didn't Need to See.
I think Sparkle Faceplant's cake was supposed to be the unicorn in the order. But, it went wrong, and they tried to turn it into a hill. But, it still is unicorn face shaped with a teeny horn.
And that cake with the fruit... and the flowers... and the marshmallow unicorns? Those are nice flowers! But, stay with either flowers OR fruit OR unicorns. No, not the unicorns.
Red and yellow and
Pink and Green
Purple and orange and blue
I can fart a rainbow
Fart a rainbow
Fart a rainbow too
See it with your eyes
Smell it with your nose
And pass gas in every color of the bow
I can fart a rainbow
Fart a rainbow
Fart along with me
It is a california condor with a bridle on it!!
http://creagrus.home.montereybay.com/MTYbirds-CACO/condor_head-ie.jpg
I think the stick in "impaled pony" is supposed to represent an obstacle in an equestrian event? But it looks more like he got skewered by a parking lot gate.
I always knew that was where rainbows came from! (Did you know at Thinkgeek.com you can get a unicorn shaped sprinkle container that shakes sprinkles out of the butt, since "everyone knows that unicorns fart sprinkles and poop rainbows"? I may have to get one, even if it would scar Youngest for life...)
Aw man, I ALREADY had this song stuck in my head today. Of course, that was my brain being weird about the "Dark is Rising" series, but hey...
That sixth cake--the impaled pony--is a simple precautionary dessert. Avoid limbo contests.
Trying to recover from an extra long weekend of moving with the flu. Thanks @Sharyn for the coughing fit!
My very generous employer gave me the plague. I told her "Next time, cash bonuses work!"
unicorn guy is from this photoshoot, NSFW(not full nudity but close-ups of certain, covered, bulgey bits and some butt-cheek), for the curious- http://exterface.com/#/unicorn/ <- *NSFW*
OK, it's true I own a book called "Zombies vs. Unicorns", and it does have some cool stories in it, but I never imagined illustrating the concept with a cookie!
Another brilliant classic!!
that next to last one.. just one question... WHERE are it's EARS? what did they do with it's EARS?
and aside from that, how do you keep it's bridle on without EARS? X(
I do kinda like the staypuft ponies. must be fairy sized, given how they lounge under the daylily petals. fluffy little fairy ponies. yes, I do like that.
and at least they seem to have EARS...
For some reason, I sang today's post to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme song...it is somehow fitting.
Stop it! Stop it this instance!!! I'm NOT supposed to be laughing out loud whilst scanning someone's gallbladder. You're going to get me fired, do you hear me?!?!?!
"Sparkle Faceplant" OMG..................................
Actually, don't stop! :)
What else floats?
Very puffy ponies!
"Um, what is that .... creature ..... on the last cake?" That "creature" is a person, a gay man to be specific. His name is David Mason, and he owns the fetish wear site SlickItUp.
Just Andrea!!!!! I've missed you!!!
BRILLIANT, Sharyn!!!!! You win the interwebs today. We are not worthy.
(Upon further contemplation, if there's been enough of the right kind of "puffing," all of the cakes will have been eaten, so the wreck would be moot.)
Hey! I love that song! It always made me cry when I was a kid. Now? Not so much.
That purple cake will give me nightmares for years to come lol. I don't even want to know what the cake was even for. Back to watching cartoons to take my mind of these scary things.
I like the StayPuft ponies!
Does that first cake say "Townley?!" What kind of a name is Townley?!
Jen, at my local renfaire, I add an epilogue at the end.
There are several similar to this:
Jackie one day married, and had a little babe
Jackie's daughter Sophie went adventuring one day
Happily she wandered down the misty beach alone
And passing by a hidden cave, she heard a muffled groan.
Bravely Sophie peeked into the place where Puff did Dwell
The startled Dragon spun around and frightened her as well
Then she saw his lonely eyes and quickly lost her fears
She kissed his great big scaly nose and wiped away his tears
For those who like unicorns AND cookies, here's a recipe for ya:
http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/unicorn-poop-cookies-214011/
Wildmaven, why are you looking at Cake Wrecks while scanning someone's gallbladder?
I kind of like the Staypuft ponies!
Jodee!!!! I've missed you, too, my sweet!
Why was there no joke about the one horse looking like Artax!! It's totally the Swamps of Sadness!
I just finished reading "Zombies Vs. Unicorns". Now I want the cookie!
The two Staypuft ponies appear to be sharing a giant spliff, which would explain the giant flowers and fruit.
The Staypuft Ponies are gorgeous and I love them. They remind me of Bugs Bunny's fat horse in "What's Opera, Doc?"
And that last cake is legend.
Ok, I actually LOVE the lounging staypuft ponies! I would snatch that cake up in a second!
I was known as "Helen A. Bucket" for 20 years. I now want to be known as Sparkle Faceplant
Haha slow clapping I BOW to your prowess this is just too good hahah :D
Wow...just wow...
If I ever become a drag queen (you never know, it could happen) 'Sparkle Faceplant' is the stage name I'm using.
I laughed for five minutes straight at Sparkle Faceplant.