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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Nov262014

Oh Stuff It

Unfortunately for us all, turkey cakes are a thing.
I guess I can live with this, but why - WHY - do bakers have to add the stuffing?

"Ahh, the ol' 'Fido's head exploded' design. Nice!

 

But can we add a few blood stains?"

"PERFECT."

 

"Now how about some moldy green bits? And can we make the turkey into a dirty paper bag?"

"PERFECTER."

 

"Next, throw in a weird body cavity that makes everyone vaguely uncomfortable..."

"Oooh, and is that dog food in there? I LIKE. Give me more.

MORE!!"

"Yes, yes, yes! AHAHAHAA!!!"

 

"But now I'm tired of stuffing. Let's go back to making those weird round ball things."

 

 

 

 

(Hey. Waaaiit a second.....)

AHHHHH FOOLED YOU!!

 

Thanks to Karen M., Karen L., Meg, Amy B., Terri W., Jessica C., Laura W., Rebekah, & Cortney of Rock City Cake Co. for guaranteeing I'll never look at a turkey cake the same way again. (And for having a wicked sense of humor!)

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

« If Cake Croutons Become A Thing, I WANT CREDIT | Main | The Great Turkey Uprising »

Reader Comments (49)

Hey, wait! Aren't the toes facing the wrong way on that last cake? Shouldn't the big toe be on top? (You should see me, sitting here and trying to make my feet go the other way!)
Happy Thanksgiving to all!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPatti

Question #1; WHY does anyone even need one of those abominations?
Question #2 ; If you set alight those shredded paper things sticking out of the "legs", does the whole thing explode… I hope?

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Over the highway, through the strip mall and to the bake shop we go
We have four wheel drive to keep us alive as we travel through the snow
Over the highway, through the strip mall, can’t find parking I know
I’ll pull up here, go get it dear. I’ll wait in here for you, bro.

Over the highway, through the strip mall to get our tasty treat
We know it will be just perfect you see, quite tasteful, fine and sweet
Over the highway, through the strip mall, please bring my cake fine sir.
There’s some mistake, that’s not our cake, that “turkey” is stuffed with fur.

Turn from the cavity, dare not look. The sight may make you ill.
Stuffed with cubes of moldy cake. The dog food’s worser still
Out of the bake shop, we run away from cakes that churn our guts
E-special-ly the turkey cakes made out of old baby butts


Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone! If you get a chance, please send me a shovel. A really big shovel!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Agree about #3. It does look like a dirty paper bag but I was thinking it's an old, leather briefcase used by someone who sold croutons door to door. It was thrown in the dump ages ago but someone brought it home and put flat carrots next to it.
Horrible.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Is that a Madden turkey at the top? There seem to be a few extra turkey legs.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRedHare22

#8 is looking at me…

Wasn't he in Mars Attacks???
ACK ACKACK!!! ACK ACK!!!

(Which is what I am thinking about these cakes)

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Ok, that second to last one (right before the baby) is for sure not a turkey. It was clearly supposed to be Pharrel's giant hat. :)

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStacy

I thought the baby cake was the top of Charlie Brown's head at first...I wondered why a baker would only show the top of poor Charlie Brown's head, but then again, knowing Charlie Brown, you NEVER know what kind of predicament he's going to find himself involved in.

The rest of these should NEVER be displayed...by anyone...EVER.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all, I am thankful to the creators and crew of CW for making me laugh and/or smile every day! Namaste.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

We could, maybe, send out for the bright side.... .... ....

=^o.0^=

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Alton Brown says stuffing is evil.

I agree. O.o (hurk)

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

And WHY in the turkeys with the disturbing body cavities do the drumsticks have to look equally disturbing.... bwahahahahahahahahaha

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

Have I just been coming here too long or do those "legs" on #4 look like he's extremely happy to see us?

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZeldabird

The shiny one is the worst. Why shiny?

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancie

Aaaaahhhhccckkkk!

Why are dismembered baby parts a thing to put on cakes???

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

Argh. Patti beat me to the comment. And yes, I too sat here with my legs and toes and contorted them to check!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVioletRose

Some of them look surprisingly close to turkeys, well not that last one.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

Oh my. Am I ever glad that the turkey cake is not yet a thing in my little corner of Canada! If I didn't already know what the cakes are SUPPOSED to portray, I'd have said that cake #4 is a really strange shrine for some exalted deity. A deity who likes gushy cat food. And purple blobs.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you who are celebrating tomorrow! I send you warm wishes of candied yams with marshmallows (never having had them I assume they must be okay or they wouldn't be a traditional side dish) and jiggly wobbly cylinders of cranberry sauce (when you just push it out of the can and leave it can-shaped). Mostly though, I hope you and your loved ones get to your destinations safely, and can enjoy feasting and togetherness before you prepare for the onslaught of shopping that is Black Friday.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkrunchifrog

Oh, well, I'm off carbs these days anyway.
WHO in their right mind depicts exploding intestines on a cake, turkey or otherwise???

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRadiofiesta

One of your best posts guys! LOVED it!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKarla T

#4 looks like they couldn't decide between a cornucopia and a turkey so they did a turkey AS a cornucopia, but used a leftover "look who's having a baby!" cake mold . . .

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commentergiddygeeker

THANK YOU Zeldabird! I wondered if I was the only one that realized cake number 4 had a dual purpose!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne Dowson

To SuBee

I live in the part of the country that doesn't get snow, so my apologies if I'm way off base here, but rather than asking for big shovels, wouldn't it be better to ask for a couple nice, big, muscled, burly men (maybe shirtless) to do the shoveling for you?

Just sayin'.
<g>

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterT

Nonononononononono D: there is a REASON that people eat pie on thanksgiving

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

OMG #4 & 5 made me laugh so hard I snorted & scared my coworker!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStL Mom

Are the baby's feet on upside down?

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Some of these remind of the abomination that was the Tofurkey we got one year for my stepdaughter's new found vegan stretch - equally as appetizing as most of these cakes and very similarly colored and constructed!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLori T.

The baby feet are DEFINITELY the wrong way, someone broke the poor baby's legs

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdkop

Are those bananas flanking the...er...body cavity of cake number 4?? Who puts bananas and grapes on their turkey platter? Fruit on your turkey platter just seems wrong.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

This is why there is pie on Thanksgiving.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercathy

See, I could at least understand putting "stuffing" in a subtlety cake if it were made of, say, cubed angel food cake, maybe with some minced fruit.
Actual chunks of bread ... not so much.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLoopTheLup

krunchifrog:

"...I send you warm wishes of candied yams with marshmallows (never having had them I assume they must be okay or they wouldn't be a traditional side dish)..."

That's very much a regional thing: more common in the South than elsewhere. This American has always found them to be (you should excuse the expression) foul. At potlucks or dinners where they showed up, I would furtively scrape off the mallow and leave it for the next lucky [sic] contestant.

Anyway, this year, my host is serving Paella instead of turkey. If I hadn't been pleased at the prospect before, I sure would be after viewing this thread. Heartfelt thanks, CW!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterms_xeno

I an extremely thankful for Cake Wrecks. You all get me through trials, tribulations and general vicissitudes like nothing else!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternanalettie

It’s time again for me to put away the puns and bad jokes for a moment and reflect on how thankful I am for the Cake Wrecks site and its creators Jen and john(thoJ), and their staff, and for you, my fellow Wreckies. And, rather than gush on about how-Cake-Wrecks-changed-my-life (and it has) as I’ve done before, let me offer three observations from the past year.

The first makes me sad. There seems to have been an increase in the number of people who have been personally critical of the site, its creators and some of the commenters. I don’t mind if someone doesn’t care for something, but the nature of the negativity seems to have increased and become more personal. If this isn’t your kind of site, or your kind of humor, that’s OK, but don’t vilify those who create it and those of us who enjoy it. Like many of you, I had a chance to meet Jen and john(thoJ) during their last book tour. I can’t remember when I have met two nicer, kinder, gentle people. They’re just trying to bring a little more laughter into the world. That’s something to celebrate, not berate. The notice before the posting section says “Be kind.” I don’t think that’s asking too much.

The second thing I’ve noticed is an increasing number of long-time lurker, first-time posters. It is exciting to me that more people are feeling comfortable about commenting. I think that that may have something to do with the friendly, welcoming atmosphere promoted both by the site and the people who do post. It’s not a competition; all are welcome. I remember at Thanksgiving we had a kids’ table where the kids sat while the adults enjoyed the real table. It was quite an event when you finally made it to the big table. There is no kids’ table at Cake Wrecks.

And that leads me to the third thing I’ve noticed: this community, this community of commenters, has shared a lot more personal information. Like friends talking to friends, we’ve shared births and deaths, promotions, illness; we’ve offered support in a variety of ways to those sick, worried, or grieving or just needing a hug or two – all the things that real people do with each other. As many have written in their comments during the year, no matter where we live, and no matter that we’ve never met, we feel like we really know each other, and are more than just white words posted on a blue background. Our communal concern for each other transcends our differences and distances. To paraphrase The Velveteen Rabbit: “What is REAL?” asked one of the new Commenters. “Real isn’t who you are or where you live,” said the Older Commenters. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When you share with the people here not only your posts and your laughter, but also your heart and your life – people really love you, and then you become Real. And, once you become Real, you can’t become unreal again.” This is a community of Real people.

On behalf of myself and those who have assisted me with my posts this past year – lem, elm, Sir Laughsalott, Little Boy Blue, Mr. Potato, Head Counsel, Gotno Tipps, The Midnight Writer and Amber’ – I am sincerely and deeply thankful for Jen and john(thoj), for not only creating this unbelievably funny and clever site that literally makes me laugh every day, but also for letting me run almost amuck here, taking up more space than I frankly deserve, and tolerating my often lengthy, often off-the wall writing. I am thankful for the CW crew for what you do to keep this going. Although you may be behind the scenes, I appreciate your hard work and dedication to bring us our daily laughter…and our Sunday Sweets. I’m thankful for my fellow commenters. In addition to adding the fun, you’ve been very kind to me, and I appreciate that. Thank you all for letting me be a part of this incredible community. I am deeply and sincerely thankful for you all.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

@ T: well, I'm way up in the NE (VT), and we DO get snow. And I DON'T like shoveling. And I LIKE your idea, but they'll probably leave their shirts on because it IS cold: 28°F with snow AND "freezing fog"... and darn, I CAN'T catch a break!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

What mel said! :)

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

@T - I would be very thankful if you sent them my way!

@mel - Thank you and have a wonderful holiday ... with sprinkles!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Aw, mel..now I've got something in my eye. *sniff*.

And I concure. I am thankful for an awful lot of blessings I've had bestowed upon me in my life. I certainly count Cake Wrecks ( & behind the scenes crew) as one of them. You guys make me laugh every day, EVERY day. Most days it's a simple enjoyment. Some days it's a Godsend.

I hope you (Jen, John(thoj) & et.al.) & all my fellow Wreckies have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day & may none of you find a turkey cake adoring your table! ;)

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMovieMom

Mel, you describe my feelings too, but far more eloquently than I could ever manage. Thank you to Jen, John (thoJ) and the other commenters for making Cake Wrecks a little island of paradise!

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

@mel: I'm thankful for you, and your eloquence. Well said.

November 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Mel, you have a wonderful way with words - I can't think of one original thing to say to add to your fine post. We have all become, as you say, Real people. I have come to think of posters/commenters here as friends I've yet to meet, and Jen and John(thoJ) as our fearless leaders.

Therefore, I am thankful for Cake Wrecks, the CW crew, and all you posters and the lurkers-who-step-out-of-the-shadows-every-now-and-then. Thanks, everybody!!! And happy pie-eating on Thursday. And remember ... Pie! Pie! Pie! is for Thanksgiving! Not misshapen, scary turkey-shaped cake-like things. Or baby butts.

Amen, mel. Thanks to all for making this a great site - a place of laughter, tolerance and caring. Have a great Thanksgiving or, for those not from the U.S., a great Thursday.

November 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Ahaha, I love this! Very timely for the Thanksgiving to at least warn us in being extra careful with our baking, haha! Now giggling... :D

November 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLeighofFakeABaby

Perfect indeed! For the crouton stuffing, chop up some cake! Genius!

November 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

Wow; that was absolutely meloquent, mel...!!! I'd like to have seconds, and thirds, and--just skip the dessert, because your words are very filling (and sweet).This place is full of "bad" (wink), but it's the best! Happy HOLIDAY to EVERYONE. And THANK YOU, Jen, John, Sharyn (and the whole crew), and various wreckporters who make all of the daily giggles/chortles/and "rotfl"s possible. (And Specshul tHAnkz 2 the *talented* wreckorators, themselves!!) =^~.~^=

November 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I'm surprised no one's come up with a cake based on our favourite WKRP episode. "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"

November 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRanger

Ah well what can I say about these cakes? Other than thank God I eat pie on Thanksgiving lol.

November 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

@mel, beautifully said. Although I'd suggest that we're all at the kids' table! :)
That's where I'd rather be anyway. You all make laugh much harder here than at the stuffy adult's table.
Hugs to all.

November 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFM

The first one looks like a cockroach!!!

November 30, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMeMe

For the record, it is actually possible to polish a turd. This was proven a couple of years ago on "Mythbusters". Adam and Jamie each polished one. Apparently it is considered an art form in Japan.

December 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterrocketride

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