Confectionary Compensating
January 22, 2014 Men, we need to talk.
Ladies, if you could just give us a minute? Thanks.
[tapping foot while 99.6% of readership leaves the room]
[whispering] Right, then. Listen, guys. I know some of you might be "concerned" that your bride-to-be has had wedding cake in the past. And yes, she probably has!
;)
Hey, some girls have had lots of wedding cake.
And sure, ok, maybe they were fairly large cakes.
;)
Maybe they were even huge cakes.
;)
But that doesn't mean she won't be satisfied with a perfectly average-sized cake!
;)
(Ok, you can't see her face - but I'm sure she's thrilled.)
So even if your wedding cake seems a bit small and overgrown...
;)
Or perhaps leans to the right...
;)
Or even has a little trouble staying upright...
;)
...the important thing is to remember that your bride loves you, no matter what. The cakes of the past are the cakes of the past! No matter how massive and sweeping and awe-inspiring they may have been.
;)
Er...
And if all else fails, you can always buy a Ferrari.
Thanks to Kimber M., Anony M., Julia H., Tessa D., Adrienne H., Jamie, Rachel O., and Anony M., who can come back in now.
*****
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Reader Comments (42)
Remember, boys, it's not the SIZE of the cake that matters. It's how you use it. You OK now? Great! That's using your head.
If you keep her busy playing "Tip-It," she won't even notice the size of your cake...
Hey, I got the first comment! That NEVER happens! What I want to know is - is that last cake taking off into space (hence the smoke)? And how on earth did some of those cakes get built? With a crane?
I'm getting a bit of deja vu on the text ,,,
I just about died at "leans to the right"!
I love when I am forced to not laugh so that no one in the room demands to see what I am looking at.
"wedding cake" ... Riiiight.
Boys, it's not the size of the cake that matters, it's the quality of the frosting, mmkay?
I smirked all the way through that post :-D
Loved it the first time around and this still makes me laugh!
So how long did some of those couples eat cake after the wedding? Either they had thousands of people at their wedding, or they ate WAY too much cake.
There may be a lot of us suffering from wedding cake envy after seeing some of those!
Personally, I'm not bothered about the size of the cake as long as it tastes good...
Bahaha an oldie but a goodie :D
John, John, John....(shaking head)
Did you ACTUALLY expect us womenfolk to actually LEAVE the actual ROOM and just "give" you an actual "minute"? Turn around; that 99.6% is right behind you.
Wow...
=^-.-^= heh...heh P.S.: Is a cake that's digitally ruined called an "e-wrecked-ed" cake? Hmmm?
The size of the... Erm "cake" may not matter, but I've always said "it's a long way to Europe in a rowboat."
I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of that first one. Is it like a cake candelabra? A cakelabra perhaps?
Can I just state for the record that Mr CrazyMum has an impressive cake, plus his frosting technique is second to none?
Which is how we ended up with four cupcakes… :-)
As a member of the 0.04% of your readership, may I respond? First, please note that many of us are still trying to recover from that full frontal assault dealt to us in the 80’s when a little old lady admired our buns but then asked rather pointedly (and loudly) “Where’s the beef?” Us regular guys were hit hard, and for years, even though we were willing to use flavorful condiments, we were out and the “quarter pounders” and the Big Macs were “in,” so to speak.
So, this pre-occupation with size is not new to us, though it continues to deflate us. Unfortunately, AT&T maintains this trend with its current ads where a man (a man, no less!) instills in young children the mantra “Bigger is better.” Therefore, it comes as no surprise that brides continue to seek the John “Johnny Wadd” Holmes of cakes.
And, alas, while your reassurances that “the cakes of the past are the cakes of the past,” may sound placating, in fact, we all know that comparisons are inevitable, and frequently disappointing. Though it may be true that one person’s trash is another person’s treasure, it is not true that one man’s cupcake is another man’s monolith. [Note: even the esteemed Cake Wrecks is known for its conviction: “CCC-patoohy.”]
Nope, as the Andrea True Connection sang in the 70’s, it’s clearly “more, more, more…how do you like it…more, more more….” And perhaps there was a reason Grammy winner Shawn Colvin wrote “Fill Me Up” after her second marriage – a celebratory song, perhaps?
Size doe matter. It’s not “Small, Bad Leroy Brown,” or “Tiny Ben.” And who wants a “fun size” when a king size is readily available?
Well, this is nuts, but it’s something he have to live with. We’ll have to take the matter in hand and deal with it. We’ll have to, as Sharyn suggested, “use our head,” and I’ve used the CW Amazon link to order the Tip-It game SuBee recommended (though frankly, SuBee, I don’t understand how that will help). In the meantime, until that arrives, I’m gonna go look at a Ferrari….
Europe? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Am I the only one who didn't quite realize this was innuendo until I reached the comments? Yeah...
Also, I don't even want to *think* about what the fog around that last cake is supposed to represent in this post.
@mel: mel, mel, mel: I, too, hate those commercials. HATE them with a fiery passion. Why? Because a man (patooie!) is instilling poor young children with "values" that aren't really so. "More is always better." Not if it involves the weight of the piano currently crashing down on you. "Faster is always better." Not if it means the length of time you get to spend with the love of your life. "Bigger is always better." Not if it means you have a heart attack at age 24. There is no such thing as ALWAYS. Or NEVER. Cut absolutes out of your thought process altogether. But kids like them. They're easy. And they start them on a lifetime of sloppy thinking.
OK. Rant over.
I have sampled my share of "wedding cake" and I didn't much care for the bigger slices. The one I've stayed with for 18 years is an average slice but with just the amount of frosting. It really isn't the size that counts, but how sweet it tastes.
@mel-Have you played "Tip-It?" It's very entertaining and provides a wonderful diversion if played correctly.
I must say that remembering the massive and sweeping and awe-inspiring cakes of my past helped me keep warm while attempting to clear the snow from my 4degree driveway.
So thanks!
@mel, let me assure you that there are indeed cakes out there that bedazzle the eye with their beauty and size. However, the ladies have it right. It's the size of the MAGIC in the cake -- the taste, the frosting -- that provides a truly satisfying experience.
I'd much rather have a piece from a smaller cake that's delicious and rich and makes me want to slow down and savor every bite, than have a piece from one of these huge monstrosities that's dry and bland, leading me to think, "Oh, let's just get this over with!" The first one would make me want to go back for seconds and lick the frosting off the plate.
The cake that was deemed 'perfectly average' (cake #4) looks like one of Sandra Lee's "$20 grocery store cake turned into a $500 cake". Lol.
When all is said and done, women still prefer a man who can put his best foot forward....
It isn't the size of the cake it is the taste of the cake that counts.
I don't think "tip it" means what I imagine it to mean. :)
Just a two bite cupcake on a fur coat.
"...small and over grown" almost had me on the floor."
I'm still trying to figure out what is coming out of that last cake. Smoke? Steam? And why???
I absolutely love the comments just as much as the pictures themselves. My first thought when Becky said "it takes a long time to get to England in a row boat" was, "Hey that's what I said!" I love reading everything y'all write!
My husband's brother got married in China (to a Chinese lady) and they had an enormous, beautiful wedding cake. It had at least ten tiers and was towered over them. He told me later it was fake, made of plastic, used for every big wedding at that venue. The "cutting" of the cake was of course fake too.
Looked impressive though.
Sad thing, I really thought it was about wedding cakes, till I went back and read it again....THEN, it was so funny!!!
In this post, we pretend that the groom even exists in the bride's mind other than as a token used to demonstrate her superiority to her competitors.
@mel,
I kept my Andrea True record as long as I had a turntable. I am probably the only other one hear of that era.
These are the wedding cakes. Now I am ready to see the grooms' cakes.
@ Rachel CrazyMum hahaha "frosting"
Well, first of all, while I was surprised at how many cake connoisseurs there are out there, I was pleased to see that after sizeable sampling (no pun intended), it was quality, not quantity that counted.
@SaraCTV: Yes, unfortunately advertising seems to generate its own system of values, and a fair number of those have to do with consumerism…. As I look back (and it’s a long way back) at growing up in the 50’s, values had more to do with how you treated people than what you felt you needed to own. And your comment about faster and spending time with the love of your life struck a chord with me and is so true. Savor every second with your “average slice.” What I’d give for one more day….
@SuBee: I just ordered “Tip-It,” so I don’t have it yet and have never played it before. I looked at the old ad for it on YouTube and it wasn’t what I expected – something about removing colored rings and hoping a man on a pole didn’t fall over. With the name “Tip-It” I was expecting something more nautical, maybe involving a little man in a boat.
@TLC: Well said. It’s reassuring to know that ladies believe it isn’t always about the size of cake but more about the magic. (And, really, a good relationship is always about the magic….)
John-you already had me ROFL when I got to the last line about buying a Ferrari. My boyfriend and I have a joke about Ferrari's-he's gonna love this post! And the comments... Rachel Crazymum-his frosting technique-oh Lordy! Mel- SuBee was right on- I LOVE playing "Tip-it", but I've never used plastic parts for it! Sharyn-no song? Is this post leaving you as speechless as the rest of us? Thanks for making my day!
If you get what looks like a huge wedding cake, but it turns out to be mostly plastic enhancement (I assume at least some real cake existed), does that still excite wedding cake envy in people?
Honestly never had such a great laugh til tonight. Sheesh how on earth can you serve that much cake? Or why would you for that matter. Scary high cakes that can fall on you.
This post is awesome, but the comments have me ROLLING! And also I never knew that talking about "cake"could be so..... steamy! As for my two cents, I am allllll for the average cake with lots of frosting, especially if they know what to do with it. Mr. shannon knows how to work the frosting! Big cakes are intimidating and kinda scary.
And as usual..... I <3 mel !
@Knittedbooties: ah...turntables....music to my ears! I remember getting my first record player -- it looked like a little suitcase. When you opened it the bottom was the turntable and the top was the speaker (singular -- there were no stereo records....) The first record I bought was The Platters Greatest Hits.
@Karen: no plastic parts for Tip-It? Are you sure you're doing it right? Or, maybe I googled the wrong thing....
@shannon: thanks...I'm glad you enjoy my posts....I love playing here... And talk about steamy...my monitor almost melted...!
Oh, my! Are my hot flashes kicking in, or is that just the Comments section? Whew!
Thank you to john(thoJ), mel, SuBee, TLC, SaraCTV, and Rachel CraxyMum for the mini heatwave on this cold day!
It's not the size of the cake; it's the way it slides....off the fork...;-)
Sorry, someone has to say it: size does matter. Whether it's a wedding cake or...something else. ;)