Wednesday
Sep182013
How The Cookie Fumbles
September 18, 2013 PROBLEM:
Bakers think footballs are shaped like this:
;)
Or this:
;)
Or this(!!):
;)
Or - lest you think the wrecks are always cupcake cakes (ptooie!) - this:
;)
('Supe?)
SOLUTION:
Give the bakers a football-shaped baking pan!
It's brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT!!
;)
***
The cookies, they mock us. THEY MOCK US, I SAY.
***
Ah well, at least we know they can't screw up baseballs.
;)
Thanks to Beth H., Chris E., Erin M., Kathryn H., Jenesis E., & Jamie F. for the offer, but I think I'll pass.
Reader Comments (53)
We stitched up the ball,
but you should cross-stitch the gaps.
Such sad necrosis.
Sung to "Great Balls of Fire"
They shake my nerves and they rattle my brain
CCC balls just drive me insane
Shaped pan, and still
They turn out swill
Goodness, gracious
Cake balls are dire!!!
While it is a CCC (ptooie!) and not exactly football shaped, that first one is very well done, all things considered. Of course, the offerings do quickly get much, much worse. A baseball in that shape could put someone's eye out.
Well, to be fair, the oval pan is really shaped more like a rugby ball.... But as far as the "baseball" goes, really? Even a hexagon would have been better... or maybe... dare I suggest putting seams (plural!) on each round, baseball-shaped cupcake? Isn't it nice how these folks keep you in business?
Actually, the laces on the first one are done quite nicely.
The "football" pan looks like it's a little too round to work for that. What's ironic is that right next to that giant "football" cookie are a container of football cookies that actually look like FOOTBALLS.
Haiku Joy and Sharyn, kudos again! Haiku Joy, "Such Sad Necrosis" woud be a great name for a band!
To be fair, #3 had really nice goal posts.....*chirp*
That last one isn't baseballs. It's not even "baseballs", or *base balls*... It's the ghost of Frankenstein's monster (baked edition).
=^e.e^=
They have balls. Wait... O.O
Obviously I need more coffee.
Look at the label on that first one! They actually have the BALLS to call that thing a "SHEET" cake! (I'd be tweaking that label just a tad--and I bet you all know what TO...)
=^-.-^=
@Stephanie: You know, your helpful suggestions DO make a lot of sense!
We don't need that kind of thing around here.
=^-.-^=
The 3rd one down: the uprights look a little..er..."bloody"...wouldn't you say? Maybe they should rename them "ghoul" posts...
=^-.-^=
Football? More like FAIL-ball.
Bakers Up to Bat (with apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer)
The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the bakers on that day,
For football season started, and the teams began to play.
The fans, they wanted snacks, and many wanted cake,
So off into the kitchen the bakers went to bake.
A struggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Headed off into the kitchen to give their all, their best.
They got their bowls, their mixings, and then they got their pans
And huddled all together to develop each one’s plans.
The first man tried a football, it was a ccc,
But clearly by the crowd’s reaction, it wasn’t meant to be.
Another football followed, the stitching rather flawed,
The crowd, they just chuckled, and a few even guffawed.
Again a football made its way, featuring a goal post,
The crowd showed their displeasure, they disliked this one the most.
The next baker worked with frosting on a sheet cake, a flat,
But he left out a letter; the crowd couldn’t go with that.
Next came a football shaped pan, but to the up-close eye
It was really just a circle, the kind you use for pie.
‘Twas the frosting and the angle, and optical illusion,
Clearly the pie man and the cake man were heavy in collusion.
(While off to one side, a box of football cookies did mutter
“Would a been a whole lot simpler to use a cookie cutter.”)
Finally, the master baker, a man they knew as Casey,
Took his place before the crowd, and on the table cloth so lacey
He set right down his masterpiece, a cake he called “Baseball,”
And suddenly the crowd went silent, you couldn’t hear a sound at all.
Then a fan said, “That thing is square. I think this is a joke!”
The crowd began to murmur, then laugh; Casey removed his toque.
He walked away in shame as the crowd began to shout,
There was no joy in Bakerville – great Casey had struck out.
"Laces OUT, Dan!"
Perhaps these are secretly tributes to Calvin and Hobbes, and they are really supposed to be Calvinballs?
.
.
.
No?
.
.
.
OK, yeah, these just stink.
It appears as though these decorators care as much about sports as I do.
Football "cake" #1 looked like an amoeba with stitches. So sad looking!!
@sendingtheclowns: I must admit, reading these other comments does give me a sense of disappointment that I am the only one around here whose comment does not cause me to LOL. ;-D
@mel ~ I shall keep you on retainer for those vows...
I give the SupeBowl cake points for creativity. Most of the wrecks I've seen say "Super Bowel."
Frankenbaseball?
Do I smell a new Tim Burton movie? (Starring Johnny Depp, of course)...
After seeing these "sports" cakes, it would almost be better to have plastic flotsam which actually LOOKS like a football or baseball (ducks incoming thrown objects) - just a thought.
@Stephanie - your idea is brilliant; if only the bakers had the tools to make it a reality ;) ...
@mel - Amazing mashup, I love it!
Does anyone else see "Hindenburg" in the "SUPEBOWL XLVI" cake?
-------------------
@Stephanie: Don't worry about that-every day here is a new opportunity to be disgusting!
=^-.-^=
@sending the clowns: Thanks, I came to the comments hoping I wasn't the only one who thought of autopsy stitching on a very pale corpse when seeing that last cake. (Mind you, I'd admittedly enjoy an autopsy-themed cake more than I would a baseball-themed one.)
@mel:
*sniff*.....*sniff* again...
That was so touching....! And you know what? I looked up Ernest Thayer, and he looks like a real sweetheart. I'd bet anything that he would've laughed at your "taking a swing at" his poem, himself!
=^~.~^= (That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it!)
Ugh I could draw a better football than that D: and I hate football. Haikujoy, Sharyn and mel heheheh :D
"Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone."
(from "Solitude" by Ella Wheeler Wilcox)
---------------
"Gag, and we all gag with you;
Laugh, and you're not alone."
(from "Wreckitude" by Ella Squealer Wilcakes)
=^e.e^=
@Will:
"Super Bowel"??? Seriously? Oh, that is too funny! And gross! And ridiculous! Let's just say "All of the above"! (I love it, frankly. I might even make one, myself...!) You should send a picture here if you can! I think Certain People just might love to use it...!!
=^~.~^=
@Kaotikitty;
I usually fall asleep during a lot of sporting events (i.e.: golf, and maybe golf...and Oh, yeah-golf! It just seems to take so long for anything to happen.Only because I don't know anything about it. It's on so much that I should try to understand it; maybe I'd like it!) I like a good thoroughbred horse race--2 or 3 minutes, and it's over! And the horses are so beautiful. But anyway, to each his or her own! =^~.~^=
Sendintheclowns - OH, THE HUMANITY!!!
@sendingtheclowns - there's whole posts dedicated to the. "Super Bowel" every January. :)
Should have added "Face-Palm" after the last photo. Course we all were thinking that. :P
Now I want cupcakes even ones in the shape of weird balls. Love the baseball. Round is so last year. Square balls are where it's at.
:O
and 'supe, bowl?
Don't worry about that last one! It's just a white...football...er...yeah. Go with that and still hold out that people understand the basic circle shape. EEEE...
Did anyone else hear "Soup, there it is; soup, there it is" when they saw the Supebowl cake? Or was is just me...
@BADKarma: Well...if you don't think it's "too soon"...(76 years...?) I'd hate to be disrespectful, and I do have such a way of putting my foot in my mouth, and no one to "rein me in"...Know what? I remember some relative telling me a story years ago, about some looong-ago relative of my family who was tiny enough to shimmy through a porthole and be saved from a sinking ship...I've wondered for years if it might've been the Titanic, but there's no one to ask! (And no, I wasn't there! I'm not THAT old!) =^~.~^=
Looking at monitor, my husband's observation: "What is that? A beaver?" Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
It might make the bakers feel a little better that my two year old recognized what those where, um, supposed to be. Of course that makes sense since that's about what his drawing of a football looks like, but thats beside the point...
@mel: Only you could make me feel sorry for a wreckerator named Casey.
@Stephanie: Aww, don't be so hard on yourself. I definitely had a nice snicker (uh, laugh, not the candy bar) while reading your first post!
@zoomom: Teehee!
@sendingtheclowns: The sad thing? There IS plastic football flotsam on that first one, and we still got THAT THING.
Speaking of muttering cookies (well, @mel was), maybe they should have just stuck one of those muttering cookies ON TOP of the other cookie-pie-thing instead of whatever it is they did there with the misshapen Wonder Woman football of lies. Why did I drag Wonder Woman into this? Well, the football is INVISIBLE, just like her plane, therefore, Wonder Woman. Perhaps it is an evil twin that wields the Invisible Football of Lies instead of the Lasso of Truth...The Legion of Doom must be behind this!
That last one looks like the scene of a crime.
@Jodee: almost finished with first draft...will hold for final tweaking (no...not twerking...) until close to time needed...keep me posted....
@Anne-Marie: Thanks -- I had fun doing it.
@sendingtheclowns: so glad you were touched...I try.....
@mindy1: Thanks!
@Just Andrea: well, it is a sad tale...And, good play with Wonder Woman -- you may be on to something!
@Just Andrea: My son was the holder for the extra-point kicker on the varsity football team last year. You don't know how many times that line went through my head! LOL!
Actually, I asked my son and the kicker's parents about this. They said it doesn't really matter.
Cake #3:
Strange that it appears to say "Team God!" on the goal posts when the "football" is an unholy mess.....Do'h! >_<
I'm so horrified by the price tags those might as well be dipped in 24 k gold!
That first one- the brown, though beautifully smoothed, horror is "GREAT PRICE $15.99"
WOW
@mel (waves cherrily) In response to yesterday, I've been here but lurking. Tend to do that in rough patches so I don't get too rude in comments. (yes, that means I'm just usual rude on normal days)
I heart Barbara Anne very much.
@Barbara Anne -- sorry to hear about the rough patches. I hope things smooth out soon.
Speaking of Super Bowel, am I the only one who sees ghost poop on top of #2?
Day late; dollar short. Mel, I think I love you!
@Barbara Anne: I am sorry for your rough times, and hope you are OK . I missed your presence; you are an important part of this family. Be well, my friend, and hurry back! Sending an unlimited bunch of hugs your way -- use as needed. (sighs sadly, but with optimism)
@Zippy: awwwww, shucks.....thanks..... :-)