Bake Me A Story
September 10, 2013 Once upon a time, there was a boy named Ryan, who met Susie -- the girl of his dreams -- in high school.
;)
(Ryan had some pretty freaky dreams.)
The day Ryan graduated from college was a great day for everyone, but mostly his parents.
;)
Ryan proposed to Susie that very afternoon, and she said, "Yes!"
His parents welcomed their future daughter-in-law with joy:
;)
(Is it sad that I'm just thrilled it doesn't say "you're"?)
They had a lovely wedding. Even the ten minute toast by the bride's drunk uncle couldn't dim the couple's happiness.
;)
(TL;DR version: "drink up!")
And Ryan's folks expressed themselves in their usual, exuberant way:
;)
Months passed, and soon Susie and Ryan had more good news!
You'll never guess who sent the baby shower cake:
;)
Ryan and Susie raised a loving and thoughtful child, though his grandparents' influence was still obvious:
;)
And they wouldn't have it any other way.
THE END
Thanks to Ashley B., Michelle H., Lizzy R., Kim E., Amber F., Notju, & Casey H. for helping us tell this happy tale. And, no, I don't really know a couple named Ryan and Susie. If we had a legal department, they'd tell us to say, "All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental." Since Tonks and Lily are the CW Legal Department, I will instead say, "Meow."
Reader Comments (37)
I love the "TL;DR, Drink up!, especially because that's what I actually did. "Blah blah, why is this cake so long?! Just skip to the end. 'Drink up'? Now there's a sentiment I can get behind!" *reads caption* "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Your cats are named Tonks and Lily?!! I love that!! :)
Finally we're proud.
Your junk's in the garage sale.
Your room, rented out.
How funny, love how you interwined all that. And what's up with that letter cake? "What's yours is hers and whats hers is hers" I like that. It's all mine, didn't you read the cake?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA and to Haiku joy hehehe :D
Oh. My. Gosh! I'm crying! ...the "Good Luck, He's Your Problem Now" cake pushed me over the edge.
Where do these cakes even come from??? On second thought, don't answer that...I'm just glad they've made it to Cakewrecks!
@ Haiku Joy :D
Thanks for the laughs :)
Too bad about the penultimate cake. It's so pretty apart from that one presumable misspelling.
Hahahahahaha!!!! Great job, team! Thanks
"May there be plenty of JD in the interim" -- I'm afraid I can't parse that..? Not "juvenile delinquency", I think.
The design on the next-to-last cake is pretty.
My pastor's cat is name McGonnagal. ;)
Does that toast cake really say "...topmost branches expand to throttle each other..."? (Yes, I read the whole thing; I'm anal like that.)
(But if you want an example of even more anal, there's my daughter, the one with Asperger's. This year is her first year in a mainstream class, and the first year that she's getting spelling tests, even though she's 10. She came home with a numbered list of 20 words yesterday to study for the test Friday. Today I saw studying them particularly intently, and I discovered she wanted to know the ORDER they were in. She thought the teacher would call out, "Number 17!" and she wanted to be sure she remembered which one it was. She knew the words backwards and forwards; she was hugely relieved when I told her how spelling tests really worked.)
Oh, my! Does the next to last cake really read "poopin" her out instead of popping her out? Who poops out a baby?
The cake is beautiful though.
So... The girl of Ryan's dreams is a Cyclops... Hope he has a good supply of sheep... Or Satyrs...
I was admiring the grammar and punctuation on the Drink Up cake until I got to, "As two trees deeply rooad in separate plots of ground...". It went off the track after that.
If ever there was a time I did NOT want a back story, that last 'cake' is it! Unless it's from Jeff Dunham's dog, Rusty, I don't want to know.
That first cakie reminds me of that optical illusion that either looks like a vase or two faces depending on how you look at it.
Except there are no vases and the face doesn't look that much like face.
*forehead slap*
A quite beautifully made cake, pretty "penmanship", sullied with the sentiment "Good luck poopin' her out".
*deep sigh*
I think those are the wrecks that depress me. Well made, but not well thought out.
[sniff!, sniff!] That was such a lovely story and you told it so well!!
@Haiku Joy - I will save that one for when my kids are married off. Woo!!
I thought mel was the CW legal department.
Went back & actually read the Drink Up cake!! Truer words have never been spoken!! LOL
You ask: "Is it sad that I'm just thrilled it doesn't say "you're"?" Well, don't get too excited. It's still not 100%! Look at the missing punctuation at the end of "riddance", and also after "now'. Also, why should "riddance" OR "problem" be capitalized? See? It doesn't pay to get your hopes up around here. Keep your hopes lower than a snake in a wagon rut, and you won't be disappointed.
=^-.-^=
cc, some people have only a vague understanding of human anatomy.
I'll give Drunk Uncle his props: his piping skills aren't too bad for an alcoholic. May there be plenty of JD. I couldn't agree more!
You said "Bake Me A Story", but when I tried, the pages burned to a crisp, so here's a "half-baked" version:
A little pastry from "Fiddler On The Oven Vent Hood":
Cakemaker, Cakemaker
Make me a cake
Find me a find
Catch me a wreck
Cakemaker, Cakemaker
Look through your cookbook
And make one that makes me go "YECH!"
(That fiddler was crazy, so don't blame me!) =^~.-^=
@:SaraCVT- School would be a much more interesting and exciting place if your daughter were designing the tests. Hats off to her.
I hope she has a great school year!
The "meow" comment made me snort while laughing, probably because I have a cat named Monkey Chow who thinks he runs the house. And the Senate.
@SaraCVT: I read the whole thing, too, and I'm guessing that was an attempt at humor.... And, I loved your story about your daughter...kids have such unique perspectives!
@Craig: lol....that was funny! Believe me, they're in better hands (paws?) with the cats...after all, cats can always come up with the right legal claws....
@ Craig - I thought it was Mr. Potato, Head Counsel, Tinker, Toys, & Tops... :-)
@SaraCVT - me too. That was one messed up cake! The spelling, the sentiment, the imagery! That road made me think of Road Kill - not exactly the kind of memorable wedding sentiment I think most brides are looking for...
@SaraV - (Hey, any relation to SaraCVT above? :-) I'm *totally* with you! Such beautiful flowers - so realistic and such gorgeous, elegant, cursive, handwriting...and then they turn 'poppin' into 'poopin'... <sigh> And nice alliteration on that "sullied with the sentiment" phrasing!
Hey Jen, John(thoj) & CW Staff - everything OK over there? I mean, it's 6:25pm CDT & there's only 16 comments, and this is a *REALLY* good post, so there should be, like, oh, say 35 - 50 comments by now?! (maybe 75?) Tonks & Lily, go check on them, PDQ!!! I mean it, or I'll get Craig to sic Theardare on you & I'll get my own Miss Stashe & Miss Spot after you for improper treatment of your staff!*
*Remember, dogs have owners, cats have staff... :-)
I can't get "the topmost branches throttling each other" and J.D. and faint light at the end of the tunnel..(.I guess they ran out of room to add "and it turned out to be the train coming down the tunnel") out of my mind. It's so lyrical. In a sad sort of way.
@cc:
I actually thought they MEANT pooping at first. Poop is a pretty common occurrence during the pushing phase in childbirth. Also, I remember in our birthing class the instructor talking about pushing and saying that you have to push like you're having the biggest bowel movement in your life. I just thought it was a somewhat crude joke on a pretty cake. :-)
I read the whole drunk uncle toast, too. So nicely poetic in such a disheartening way.
I was thinking that Theadare could look after any problem.
@SuBee: "School would be a much more exciting and interesting place if your daughter were designing the tests." This is true. She sees the world in ways that catch me really off-guard sometimes. "I hope she has a great school year!" Thank you. I think she will. The signs are quite auspicious.
BTW, in the toast cake, what's "J.D.", anyway? Juvenile delinquency? Judicial degree? Jurisdiction? John Dorian? And why would you want it in your marriage?
Hey, mel~LOVE the legal claws!!! Might I add: If one is heading to court, it might not be a bad idea to take the claws-bearing items in a policy-carrier's case.
=^-.-^=
@mel: "...the right legal claws...." <3 meow we LOVEthat! =^~.~^=
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@KarateLady:
I've felt that same way a time or two! Then I think: "Well, just because I'm retired, I can't expect a party every day!" Most of my family live far away, and friends can be just too busy, or they're on facebook (which I really can't stand)...(I'm glad that I love to read!) Hey, wanna be pen pals? =^~.-^=
@ yvonne:
Heh...heh...You go right ahead and *think* that you can tell what your cat is thinking...that's EXACTLY what they WANT you to think...but you'd be wrong. Humans are ALWAYS wrong....
=^-.-^= (I didn't say that they don't come in handy, though...)
@Joel Polowin: JD=Jack Daniels, a.k.a. hooch/whiskey =^@.@^= *urp*
Does that graduation cake say "finally we're proud of you" or " finally wire provol of you" ?
So if the tree branches aren't throttling each other, what are they doing? I cannot think of a possibility that makes any sense!!!