Don't Do Drugs, Kids. Seriously.
August 15, 2013 So there's a brand new cake design in town, and it's, well...
;)
... confusing.
At first I thought it was just some leftover Batman flotsam running wild amongst the New Year's party hats.
;)
Then I thought maybe the "party hats" were supposed to be some kind of psychedelic twin sunsets.
;)
Then I gave up.
;)
You guys kept sending these things in, though, demanding answers - or at least a healthy dose of mockery - which eventually led me to realize that most of you were taking your pictures upside down.
That's when things REALLY started coming together:
;)
See? Now it's so obvious! They're mustachioed garden gnomes in straight jackets! DUH.
Just kidding.
According to my sources, they're actually ice cream cones. Wearing mustaches.
Here's the best example I could find:
;)
(Go ahead, scroll back up and look at those other cakes again. I'll wait.)
[whistling]
(Back with me? Awesome.)
So, in conclusion: Kids, don't do drugs. And kids, don't do drugs and then try to market to hipsters. Seriously. Besides, this whole mustache thing is SO last week, amirite? So you can quit insulting our intelligence, corporate bakery people, and just take your silly little plastic mustaches and twee sense of cuteness and just... just...
;)
[blink blink]
Forget what I just said.
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.
Thanks to Lorah W., Melinda M., Megan R., Kimberly S., Emily F., Colleen K., & Angie C., who know puns make everything better. Even hipster mustaches.
Reader Comments (120)
@Vanessa: "I went right to Hercule Poirot, although he would not be caught dead in a sleeping bag or an ice cream cone.."
~~~~
Au contraire, mon ami-- I rather think that "dead" is in fact the ONLY way he'd be caught in a sleeping bag (or an ice cream cone).
=^-.-^=
I have wept copious tears of joy- a plethora of them, actually- what with zoomom's awesomeness, the debauching of a much detested 70s song and the realization, once again, that only here am I truly among my people: so few understand the appeal of something so hipster. I don't even feel obsolete here. ;)
After ALL of this time, I just noticed that some of the crapcakes are price-marked $7.99, and some are marked $7.79. There's no discernible difference in "quality" between the two styles (at least, not that I can see with my untrained but nevertheless disgusted eyes). But hey--a "bargain" is a "bargain"(and I already paid extra for the quotation marks), so I know where I'm going the next time I need a colonoscopy. Eat some of those babies and you can skip the entire usual prep regimen.
=^>.<^=
My first thought was also mustaches in sleeping bags, so I consulted with my eight year old daughters. One of them said IMMEDIATELY, "It's an ice cream cone with a mustache." This gave me two things to ponder: 1) Is my daughter a future wreckorator???? B) Could this have been designed by a child, hence my daughter's ability to recognize it so easily?
@SuBee: "Tree" is still one of my favorites, even now. I don't know why, really; but it's almost like an old friend, or a "comfort food" or something. I think on some level, no matter how scary the world gets, it seems like, well, as long as Francie is in it (still gathering stuff for the junk man's pennies), everything will be okay (more or less). I know--I'm nuts...but it's a "nice" kind of nuts...Then again-I also love the really weird stuff like Roald Dahl and the grittiness of Steinbeck and the whateverness of Capote. Guess I should find my way back to CAKES before I get kicked out, y'know? (Giggle.)
=^~.~^=
"Manager's Special" at Kroger (where I think these are) means "marked down because they are on or near the 'sell by' date".
I thought you were going to tell me they were pale frosting abstractions of Cheech and Chong wearing beanies ... Ice Cream Cones wearing mustaches makes WAY more sense...
Nothing makes more sense than mustaches on ice cream. Now I will begin my diet lmao. Sheesh and the colors make me fear what flavor ice cream those would be. At least they weren't spiders thank goodness for that.
Movember cake!! Why ice cream?? Mo Bros need ice cream after their prostate exam?
I'm a little scared - but is it supposed to be Mario and Luigi!!!!
I mustache you a question about these cakes....dumb ded dumb dumb...
Whoa. I don't know where this whole Prostate Campaign thing came from, but "I mustache you a question" has been a twee pun for a while now. On tshirts, etc... Given all the pink and hearts and stuff I assumed it was a hipster engagement cake.
The fact that they're all red and green makes me think they were going for an avant-garde Mario & Luigi.
Looks like an upside down Mario and Luigi.
I thought they were devils in sleeping bags. Like, with horns? Having a slumber party? Which is weird, but whatever. People are weird. 'Nuff said.
There mario and luigi turned into carrots and then topped with whipping cream... duh:)
I volunteer to talk to people about registering to be an eye,organ, and tissue donor. We've been using "I < mustache > you a question" for quite a while. It tends to break the tension a little more than just saying, "Are you a registered organ and tissue donor?"
You guys I really think I know the answer!!! They are Ninjago characters doing Spinjitsu. It is a Lego thing, very popular with the elementary school crowd. Seriously, this is what they are, right?
I thought the cake looked like a bad interpretation of Mario and Luigi.
I thought it was a weird Mario and Luigi.