Stop And Smell The Clichés
July 25, 2013 Normally I avoid clichés like the plague.
Still, when it comes to buying a cake, sometimes you've got to grab the bull by the horns.
;)
(Just don't grab the other end.)
See, I'll bet you dollars to donuts:
;)
You may think you have all your ducks in a row:
;)
(or maybe to be rowed...)
;)
... a poo ant short of a picnic.
And s/he might get your cake ...
;)
... bass ackwards.
I mean, does a bear ...
;)
... sit in the woods?
(Aw, Pooh.)
;)
Look, you're probably never going to get the baker to eat crow:
;)
So don't make a tempest in a teapot!
;)
(Actually, don't make anything in this teapot.)
After all, you've still got a cake, and maybe the manager will mark it down.
So rather than look a gift horse in the, uh ...
;)
... gaping mouth nozzle of despair?
... just enjoy your cake.
I think Shakespeare put it best:
"That which they call a rose by any other name...
;)
Thanks to Scott D., Deanna C., Laura M., Wolfie W., Anna M., Autumn J., Reba S., Jesea J., Lana H., and Maria V. for letting us have their cakes and read them, too.
Reader Comments (61)
Just noticed that the "teapot" cake is labelled "pull-a-part". I guess the part they're referring to is the flesh-coloured spout?
The teapot nozzle looks disturbing.
LOL! I have no words, except to say today's post in its entirety is awesome! :)
The "bass" cake looks like Bad-Joke Eel to me!
Wow that red one is certainly...well...RED! How many bottles of concentrated coloring did they have to add to get it that red? How red will the chldren be when they attempt to eat it? I can just imagine all the little red mouths, faces, hands and clothes; not to mention table cloth.
I can't quite figure out the horse, It's got an optical illusion thing going on, if you look at it one way it looks like the flowers are on the neck of the horse, yet another it looks like it's on the nose.
The teapot spout is interesting, sort of how my telescope turned out on my science quilt I showed you awhile back. I wonder why they decided to make it pink? It might have worked if it were the same color as the rest of the pot..
The rose-meat cake made the mother in me scream, "do you know how that's going to digest?!?"
I don't get the bass ackwards one...
The cake, not the expression.
Is that meant to be an eel with a twirly moustache, wearing a ...fez?
I just DIED at "gaping mouth nozzle of despair"!!!!
=^-.-^= Yup-died (!!!!)
I love these type of theme posts!
The crow cake is disturbing, but is probably meant to actually represent "eating crow".
I have a feeling that the horse cake was made from a photo, since white horses normally have a dark grey muzzle and that looks like what the decorator was trying to replicate.
The Deer in the first one just played that timeless classic "Pull My Antler"
Wow, I'm gonna have nightmares about that red one!
Sarah, you're dead on with the horse optical illusion.
The teapot one might be rather cute but for the unfortunate...snout. Yeah...I'm goin' with snout. Will keep me out of trouble...
Forgot to add:Shar, you're right on the eel fez! You made me laugh out loud at work!
What's the matter...haven't you guys ever seen a bull sheet cake? Hee!
What on earth are those decorators on, and where can I get some?
Either those duckies are floating in a sudsy polluted pond or
they're floating among the heavens and they're
dead ducks.
1 First, the The Running of the Bulls....now…A Bull With the Runs…
2. An easy way to put your money where your mouth is.
3. Rubber Duckie,
On my cake,
Got no innards…
I think it’s a mistake.
Rubber Duckie,
On my cake
You’re such a flop
You make my heart ache.
4. Based on the jazz almost-hit: “Watermelon Ant”…..
5. Has anyone seen my cupcake liner?
6. Whose woods are these? I wish I knew.
They seem to be just filled with Pooh…..
7. Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye.
One little blackbird,
Baked in a pie.
When the bird was opened,
The kids began to cry…
8. I’m a little teapot
Short and stout.
Here is my handle,
Wanna touch my spout?
9. The baker made them a cake they shoulda refused…
10. Here’s your cake, Mr. Lecter….
That red cake is TRAUMATIZING! I know this is gross (look away now if you have a weak stomach) but it reminded me of childbirth. Blech! All the rest were good fun!
I think those cakes have all lost duels To The Pain and are now at the Dear God What Is That Thing stage.
That's a horse? How, exactly?
There's no way anyone should eat any of the blob of blood-red frosting glop. It should be considered a superfund site to remove the hazardous waste. Ick.
Well, it's just remotely *possible* that the PooPile is not only intentional, but part of a "family", "inside" joke-specifically linked (in some "family", "inside" way) to Scott.
(?) If not, then look- he's 16!! Either the reason/motive for something like this is to mortify the crap out of him in front of friends (very unlikely), or (?) something completely innocent, such as the parents/friends/ EVERYone were/was shocked and awed and decided to send it to Wrecks so everyone could share in the hilarity.
=^-.-^= (Beats the je ne sai quoi outta moi...)
The crow cake appears to be "lying" on felt or batting or something. Ick.
I think the Ackwards Bass is actually a Screaming Eel. In a Fez. And a Monocle. Because Fezzes are cool. And so are Monocles.
My ducks float on clouds -
so ethereal and so
concave, distended.
Sarah, thank you for explaining the horse. I couldn't tell where I was supposed to be looking.
I'd also like to know what the baby-duck-on-a-measuring-spoon thing is on the second cake. O.O I just don't get it.
That red cake will have people running for colonoscopies after they eat it and think they're bleeding internally. YIKES!
The red one will keep me awake tonight. The shiny, shiny red one...
<shudder>
Um, I'm seeing an eel in a fez, too. Maybe an aspiring oceanographer who is into Doctor Who?
The red is just...wow. Red.
The horse looks like someone fell asleep three quarters of the way through?
I honestly wonder what goes on at some of these bakeries...
The bull(?) cake...or whatever the first one is supposed to be...at first glance I thought it was a triceratops singing in profile! I love cakes like this, it's like edible optical illusions!
"bull sheet cake""!!!! :P The big brown smear under the. "wrong end" made me say Ewwwww!!!! :(
Sir Laffsalot you totally beat me to it on the teapot. Umm..wait, that doesn't sound right. o.O Well done my friend, very well done!
It's been awhile since I literally gagged. Thanks for that @Drockbox
@Sharyn~ I still wanna come hang out with you in the hopes that some of your talent is catchy. Y'know, like the chicken pox. :-) I'll bring 'Dare so he can terrorize someone else for awhile!
Sirlaffsalot, you're my new hero! Hilarious!
Haiku Joy, today's offering makes me happy!
One final post to comment on the unfortunate placement of the YELLOW candle on the bullsheet cake. It's not as bad as it could be, but still...
#1 Great Scott! That's a bunch of bull.
#3 W1: "This one's supposed to have ducks on it."
W2: "So?"
W1: "I don't know how to make ducks."
W2: "Just run over to housewares; there's bound to be something there you can use as a model."
W2 (later, on viewing final result): "That's just ducky."
#5 There's something fishy about this one. I definitely see Bad Joke Eel, but there seems to be kind of a rainbow trout thing going on, too.
#7 Nevermore.
#9 A horse is a horse, of course, of course...unless it's the CCC from heck (if that isn't redundant), in which case it defies all attempts to make sense of it. "Wait -- I got it -- there's the eye, right? So if you follow down from there, you see the...never mind. I don't got it. [sigh]" All I know is, Picasso would be proud.
#10 We all know the mystery of how a brown cow turns green grass into white milk, right? (Second only to the mystery of how it ever occurred to anyone to drink something from a cow.) An equally great mystery is how something red becomes something to call 911 about. ("Relax -- the kids were at a party -- there was this really red...thing there -- I think it might have been entirely frosting. No, I don't know how it changes color. This is just what happens when...Oy. Men are such wimps. Put your head between your knees. That's it. I guess letting a kid still in training pants eat that wasn't such a great idea.")
"That which they call a rose by any other name...
"... still looks like meat."
If that looks like meat, it makes vegetarianism look like a pretty good alternative.
I would totally eat those donuts. Well, one of them.
Is that a red-winged blackbird, or a crow with a gash in it?
I'm going to assume that #5 is an attempt at an eel. It's the only thing I can think of that won't break my brain.
And now I want unadon.
I'm so glad you told me what those cakes were. I never would have guessed the bass and horse cakes were supposed to be a bass and a horse.
And that last cake... that frosting is going to cause some serious panic!
"No ma'am, that's not blood. It's frosting dye. Now, I'm a little concerned about the AMOUNT of dye in your... sample. Did you drink a bottle of dye? No? You just ate a slice of cake? Well, that shouldn't really--- YOU ATE A SLICE OF THAT?!?! WELL NO WONDER YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DYING!!"
Well, I've decided that the horse cake hasn't been delivered yet, because it's supposed to be snuck under the covers at the foot of Marlon Brando's bed, with globs of the red cake's frosting smeared all over the place.
@Subee:I think those are "clouds" in a blue "sky", being reflected off the "surface" of the placid "pond" on which the "duckies" frolic...
@Jodi: Let's face it: they're ALL bull sheet.
@Laxmom:("Pull my antler") Well, I remember those "pull-my-finger" days all too well! So funny! "Almost" miss it, since the divorce...
=^>.<^= ...(NOT!)
"Gaping mouth nozzle of despair" is my new go-to phrase.
To the last cake - "AWE! You found my entrails! I've been missing those for a week! How sweet of you to find them for me..." PS Can anyone else smell that cake from just looking at it? I think it's gone off...
That last cake has me seeing red.
Sarah, I am completely with you on the horse! Do you think the wreckorator is actually a diabolical genius who has hidden a bunch of optical illusions in their cake designs?
Blink... Blink... Blink...
Nope, all of those are still there... Unbelievable.
Reading this blog is the best part of my day! Love 'nozzle of despair'!
DId anyone notice that the teapot cake is a "brownie bite pull-a-part"? Are BBCs (brownie bite cakes) now a thing? The "baker" merely had to buy a big plastic box of brownie bites at Costco. Can we even call him/her a baker? And I think I might start to hyphenate the word "apart".
I have stared and stared at the ducks. Why do I keep seeing a yellow measuring spoon with a duck head on the end of the handle? Do I need new glasses?
That red one reminds me of a statue in my hometown. It's called "National Velvet." I call it "Pile of shiny, wet intestines." Picture at this link- http://www.waymarking.com/gallery/image.aspx?f=1&guid=aebc0c93-e803-4708-bc03-5ad45f6decb9
that's not a fish. that's a ribbed ankle sock.
On the Winnie "cake" the chocolate doesn't look like poo swirls (unless you've got a REALLY fancy butt- my parents didn't pay for that upgrade) and the green ones are kinda cute.
Huh. Still, it's a CCC (patooie).
Oh, Sir Laffsalot- invoking the name of Lecter!! (very nicely done, too)
Of all the ugly-cake posts, this takes the cake, eats it, and chucks it back out all over the linoleum o.O
Nicely done, Sharyn!