Burger Points
July 11, 2013 Tips for making the perfect hamburger cake:
- Make it round
;)
...ish.
- Include appetizing toppings:
;)
Tentacles and earth worms optional.
- Mini-burger cakes can be piles of fun!
;)
(Garnish with corn sprinkles for an experience your customers won't be able to pass by.)
- To really add to the "burger" illusion, try a light sprinkling of sesame seeds:
;)
- Or the ever-popular condiment rope:
;)
- Just don't forget the icing!
;)
- And to make your cakes extra memorable, throw in something unexpected. You know, like Funyons:
;)
Believe me, your customers won't soon forget the pungent combination of onion powder and chocolate icing. No matter how hard they try.
- However, if you must make a fun "beverage" to go with your burger cake, NEVER MAKE IT CHOCOLATE.
;)
And btw, to the baker who first thought filling one cup with chocolate icing was a good idea: it's too soon. It will ALWAYS be too soon.
(If you don't get it, for the love of Stay Puft, don't google it.)
- And finally, when all else fails:
;)
Go with hot dogs.
Thanks to E., Martha R., Tharr, April R., Susan M., Amy M., K.F., & Stephanie M. for the grilling.
Reader Comments (73)
I had a friend who went to Peru as a UNESCO nurse. She visited many Andean villages, and was served local food items. One such item was a dish of local freeze-dried potatoes. The Andean traditional method of freeze-drying was to spread the potatoes out on mats and leave them over night to freeze. In the morning, when the potatoes thawed, the folks would walk over them to squeeze out the moisture. This was repeated until the potatoes were dry, and black. They could be stored for a long time, then reconstituted with boiled water. The resultant dish was privately nick-named "Whipped Sh*t" by the N. Americans to whom it was served.
Thank you for today's post entirely devoted to Whipped Sh*t. (especially that last one)
That last one looks like Freud's nightmare.
Just when you thought it was safe to get back on the internet.
Definitely too soon...
.... somebody get me a bucket.
As gross as piles of choc icing are, i'd still eat them O_o
That last cake-shaped-object. Why would anyone want to put that remotely near their mouth?
I think i'ma gunna be sick...
As a little girl I had a hamburger cake for one of my birthdays (NOT the wreck-y kind) and have a special place in my heart for hamburger cakes - always wanted another one, would scour grocery store bakeries for burger cakes. In college, I took it into my own hands, and I'm pretty proud of the result! http://cakecentral.com/g/i/3053227/one-of-my-very-first-cake-decorating-attempts-in-college-a-hamburger-cake-i-found-instructions-in-an-old-family-circle-or-womens-day-magazine-used-green-candies-for-the-lettuce-and-cookies-dipped-in-red-frosting-for-the-tomatoes-cant-forget-the/
Disclaimer: This was my FIRST CAKE and there are MANY better cakes by more experienced artists on Cake Central! :-)
The one with all the sesame seeds on it......didn't you notice the "burger" needs to be critiqued a lot more??
I'm so out of the loop I don't even know what I'm not supposed to Google. Sad me.
Somethings you can't unsee...
but it's fun anyway :)
That first cake looks like it's wearing a colorful garter.
The one with the chocolate shake... bad enough but then you have the um...very chocolate hamburger patty (I guess it's high-fibre) and those fries.... those fries that look like they've been pulled out of someone's stomach and drizzled with the victim's blood...that is going to give me nightmares.
Because EVERYONE wants a cake that looks like the innards are slimy creatures that have come to life and are slithering out at them. Or like they're full of tapeworms.
Not even Funyums or piles of chocoloate icing can help these monstrosities.
That last one is a hot dog? There's only one thing I've seen that shape and color and it wasn't edible. Although, it did come from between two buns...
What's that thing on the cupcake (4th pic, on the right) supposed to be? Liver shreds with mashed potato?
Is that mold creeping AWAY from the "watermelon"????
Glad to see you are still alive and kicking and funny, Jen! These cakes are truly yech-tastic.
I've only had one cup of coffee. That's SO not enough.
I also haven't had breakfast yet. I may wait until dinner to eat. Thanks Jen for keeping me on my diet!
btw, thanks for saving that hotdog one for last. O.O
@Sharyn ~ Hope you're feeling better!
The tentacles--yes I always want a squished octopus sticking out of my hamburger. Blech.
And apparently the naked cake trend has carried over to hamburger cakes. So the cake is going to be as stale as the actual buns at the company picnic. I'll pass.
The glass of icing is the least disturbing thing up there. It looks like a milkshake, or a mousse.
I don't get the reference, and I wouldn't even know how to google it.
If it's an internet "thing" then I'm likely to have missed it since this is the only site I visit.
Does a baker honestly expect someone to eat the icing "drink?!" I mean, they know that cup is going to be thrown away, right? Because that cup is a diabetes coma just waiting to happen. In fact, I think I need an insulin shot just thinking about it!
Are you sure that last wreck wasn't actually a birthday cake for a Proctologist?
Now, remember: What was visualized cannot be un-visualized. Mwa, hahahahaha, etc.
I'm so glad nobody knows how to google the cup if they don't get the reference already. You saved them so much trauma and horror.
Yeah, I don't get the poop cup reference. I've tried googling it, which is really difficult by the way, and all I get is news about coffee. So yeah, that one's over my head.
@Danny - Oh no you didnt... ;)
Cake #7 would have been perfectly acceptable as is. Then they added funyons. (Fun-yeccchhh!!!)
Geometry quiz?
Play button, ninety degrees?
Cheese product burgee?
To the tune of that REM song...
Belted poop, looped poop, swirled poop, squashed poop, hidden poop, onion poop, poop in a cup...That last one's a turd and you know it.....the best thing to do is to throw it....then I'll feel fine.
Apologies to those who can do this a lot better than I can!
That first one does look like its wearing a garter! I made my husband a hot dog cake one year, there were fried and a cake coke bottle too not the best looking cake ever, but light years ahead of these. My local bakery has recently found a love of edible (I hope!) glitter and now every cake is just drowned in glitter even the ones for fathers day! Also they are buying frozen crème brulee from the other local supermarket throwing glitter on top with whipped cream and selling them EW!!!!
Ok, no way there's any cake in those "mini-burgers." My 6-year old self would have been in heaven. Now I think I'm going to be sick.
@Jodee -- I thought I was, until I saw the Funyuns on the chocolate cake -- then I had to lie down for a while... I'm feeling WAY better than yesterday, so the flu had almost flown. Thanks for asking!
What do I need to google for the comment? I tried several things and nothing came up.
those of you who don't get the reference with the one cup, should be very happy that you don't.
Seriously, trust me on that one...
Not sure which made me more nauseated- the corn sprinkle poo burgers, or the one with the Funyons.
#1 I dunno. This one captures perfectly the concept of "meh."
#2 I can see this having been created by someone who a.) has never seen a hamburger up close, or b.) is a militant vegetarian who thinks hamburgers are the source of evil in the universe.
#3 We couldn't take one of those spatulator things and sort of smooth the frosting into more of a bun shape? (Note to self: DOC must start carrying those spatulator things right away.)
Subsequent 'discussion' with security guard: "But I'm doing this store a favor! This one I haven't spatulated yet -- what does it remind you of?"
SG: "(hurk) You have a point. Carry on."
#4 I'm still getting the idea of a non-carnivore trying oh-so-subtly to make a point.
Mold Leader: "There's nothing to eat here, guys -- let's try the deli."
#5 Someone really likes mustard.
#6 "But it's a cake! Cakes have to have frosting, right? This isn't a wedding cake, after all."
#7 Not sure what the bright orange is supposed to represent (and probably don't want to know), but this one shows some signs of effort. (See? I can do positive.)
#8 We know that a drawing was held to determine who got the cup o' frosting, right? And that it immediately became a thing at the local bake-o-mart, right?
#9 See #4.
Well, thank you! Another happy subscriber to the Cake Wrecks Diet Motivation Plan. I can't even look at my coffee because it's brown
@TLC:
Yeaahhhh...I noticed the Funyums, too.What could be yummier than an onion-flavored "side" with your cake??
((errp))
=^e.e^=
If you don't get the poop cup reference - be thankful. If you have to know, ask your local teenager. But remember, you've been warned!
@Paula:
Uh...no. No, it doesn't. Better to let a sleeping dog-doo lie.
=^-.-^=
That burger 'n' fries is an ice cream cake, and by the looks of it, that 'cup of icing' is a cup of soft-serve ice cream, not frosting.
The reference that shall not be Googled is 'Two Girls, One Cup', which I have never seen and never will, but I have it on good authority that this 'scat enthusiast' video actually exists.
I thought for about 3 seconds that those Funions are a remarkably good idea and very well-executed...until I realized that they are actually real Funions.
Cake 3 reminded me that I need to call my vet about my dog.
I know all these warnings to not Google about the cup, it would be very tempting to do exactly that. Please don't. Seriously. Listen to their warnings!! YOU CAN'T UNSEE IT!!
OK, so I don't live in the States, and I certainly don't know any teens there - and curiousity is getting the better of me. Puhlease tell me the tale of the cup!!!
Yeah...definitely don't want to Google the cup reference. *hurk*
I am really happy at the number of people that don't know about the cup reference. I need brain bleach just from it barely being mentioned here now.
Um, thanks for the chocolate in the cup picture...just as I thought I had finished getting THAT image out of my head, now it's back in it again! It's probably going to take another couple of years to get rid of it! Quick! Think of funny cakes, soft fluffy things, puppies, kittens, anything! (hopefully most everyone does NOT know that reference! lol)
@ Donna: No. Ants.
@ M: See above.
Question of the day: Am I the only one who can't help but "hear" a sort of "squishy" sound effect when looking at the last thing, there?
=^e.e^=
O_O I think I got the one cup reference. Yuck.
I'm laughing so much at the thought of people googling phrases like 'poop cup.' You really don't wanna know. Here's another way to find out...There's a Comedy Central show called "Inside Amy Schumer" that deals with the subject...in a sketch about auditioning for a movie role...in one of the first couple of episodes of her show. Browsing those episodes would satisfy your curiosity and lead to many sessions of costly therapy...
I reeeeaaaally want to Google that now.
However, I'm willing to believe Jen when she says that Googling is a BAD PLAN.
*dying of curiosity, but not That much curiosity*
So what's with the salt & pepper packets on the frosting shake poop cup cake? Or were those just "props"