My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

What The Fern?

Far be it from me to question the existence of any cake - it's CAKE, after all - but sometimes, when I'm staring with horrified fascination at a spotted vomitous mass one of you found on a display shelf, I have to ask myself: "Hey, what's that little blue duck doing there?"

We may never know what these bakers are thinking/inhaling behind closed bakery doors, of course, but at least their creations make for some fun cake titles!

You know, like:

The Argyle Dog Beat Poet

"WOMAN. Whoah, man. Whoooooah, MAN.
[extinguishes cigarette in sponge beard]


What The Fern?

Is it your houseplant's birthday?
Did you forget to order a custom airbrush portrait?
This bakery's got you covered!


Suckling Pigs Struggle to Stay Afloat While Mama Stares Wistfully at a Trough of Gigantic Candy Corn:

I'm trying to imagine an occasion for this cookie cake that isn't disturbing.
Trying, and failing.


Death By Trash Can (While a Small Penguin Watches):

"Stanley gaped in horror. Someone had thrown away a perfectly good half-jar of mayonnaise! What was the world coming to?!"

(I'm kind of cheating with this one, since it was probably a custom order. Still, it always amazes me when bakeries use stuff like this to advertise on their websites. Just how big of a market IS there for dead bodies sticking out of trash cans, anyway? Or do I not want to know? o.0)


Of course, even when you do know what the baker was thinking, that's still no guarantee the wreck will make any more sense.

What's that? You want an example?

Aw, I thought you'd never ask.

Sarah T. asked for her wedding cake to look like a mountain, and with a climbing rope tied at the base to signify "tying the knot."

She got this:

Great yodeling lederhosen!!
I will never look at moldy chunks of insulation or albino ears the same way again.


Thanks to Stephen O., Viola D., Jill N., Christy E., Eva F., and Sarah T. for the excuse to use the words "yodeling lederhosen" together. Life achievement, unlocked!

« Do You Hear What I Hear? | Main | The REAL King Cake [Replay] »

Reader Comments (91)

I gotta say, I was thinking albino something else...

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

Do you think the moldy chunks of insulation are just airbrushed cotton balls? (as seen in the background)


January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCC

Number one is a "decorator's choice marble sheet cake," and the decorator's choice was duck.

Argyle Dog Beat Poet's homage to Allen Ginsberg's howl is simply sublime, man

To be fair, the last cake was not quite finished. That bag of cotton balls is just waiting to be used to craft the clouds surrounding the summit of that mountain of styrofoam (stale bread? even staler angel food cake?) Those clouds make all the difference.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Love love love the So I Married an Axe Murderer reference!!!! :) What a fun post. (As a side note, I like to think of the little blue duck and the penguin as the easter eggs of the cake should get a prize for noticing....)

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

The 'death by trashcan' cake is suspiciously similar to something that would have happened in 'the wrong trousers' wallace and gromit short-film :-)

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

First one is a duck pond where cows are known to congregate. Thus the cow patties. Last one: I am blown away at the baker's mad sculpting skills. I saw sliced styrofoam. I hope they were able to peel it off and clean it up before the cake was presented.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharon's Edible Art


January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCindy

Could the floating pigs be a diet cake?

Advert: 'Been a bit of a pig? Longing for some oversized sweet things? Look at this cake and you'll never want to eat anything ever again!!'

Ok that's all I've got!
*whispers* "I kinda like it..."

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaoirse

Poor Sarah T. That's beyond tragic.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

"Great yodeling lederhosen!" is my new favorite saying.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

That last cake has cotton balls and a guillotine in the background. I doubt those cotton balls are the yummy kind that Buddy the Elf ate.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaxmom

I was so fascinated by the image of a penguin staring into a garbage can that I didn't even see the dead body at first. Well, we assume it's a dead body--it could be that someone just threw away a perfectly good pair of legs.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Postpartum plan
to win svelte swine figure back:
Swim. Smaller portions.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

So I Married an Axe Murderer and Cake Wrecks on the same site. I am in Nerd Heaven.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRamey

Greatest art icon
makes surprise come-back on cake.
Dilbert's "The Blue Duck."

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

"Death By Trashcan" was very well done.
I'm not sure about the piggies,as in why,but sorta cute.
The dog shows some mad skills..
Mostly giggled my way through.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpeg

Dog artiste wishes
you had never heard of him.
Please pass more pom-poms.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

No fair making me laugh so hard while I'm supposed to be working. That So I Married an Axe Murderer got me enough but I'm going to have to try to work "great yodeling lederhosen" into a sentence now.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDaphne24

Fern stalkers in fog
lumber towards you at sunset.
It's machete time.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I don't know 'bout you,
but when I eat dessert, I
want to think of trash.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

More importantly... the rope on the styrofoam cake is broken??? Is the baker predicting something here?

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Sung to “Do Wah Diddy Diddy”

There it was just a sittin’ there so neat
Singin’ a blue ducky on a vomitous mass
Snappin’ its flippers to a blue argyle beat
Singin’ beatnik doggies as a gas, are a gas

It looks good, looks good
It look fine, looks fine
It’s a fern, it’s divine
Save the slowly drowning swine!

Before I knew it bird was squatting down to see
Singin’ there’s a penguin on the trash, on the trash
Flippin’ its flippers, squackin’ , “You OK, Stanley?”
I guess someone threw out Stanley’s stash, Stanley’s stash

Lederho – , lederho –
–Sen adorned, adorned
For the loss of their ears
All the poor albinos mourned

Wo-o-o-oh, rolled eyes to the heaven’s above
Yes I did, and I asked the decorator
“What were you thinking of?”

“You’re turning out wrecks almost every single day.”
Singin’ they’re not pretty, and you seem kinda dumb
But they make us happy on the website where we play
Thinkin’ without cake wrecks life would be so ho-hum

Without wrecks, no wrecks
We’d whine, yes whine
No wrecks, we’d whine
Morning is my cake wrecks time

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

O, brown hermit crab!
Do not mourn your chewing gum.
More spearmint in sea.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

OMG Haiku Joy! You are on FIYAH ( that's how we say it in Boston)!

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaxmom

Hahah this is perfect! :D Best way to start off the day. Your poetics with that argyle dog were...INSPIRING. Also, Sharyn, 'slowly drowning swine' just rolls of the tongue, eh? :D

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

The piggies' cake is a reference to St Honore, the patron saint of bakin'.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

You ask what the blue duck is doing there. I think he is leaving. And I think that was a smart decision on his part.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLDM

On the "plus" side, prior to seeing that last cake, it would never, ever, EVER have occurred to me to braid turds into rope... O.O

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

I really like the ADBP, both for skill and for randomness. But yeah, you probably wouldn't put it on Sunday Sweets.

I guess the pig cake is supposed to celebrate the birth of a new litter. On most farms, animal birth happens too often to bother with cake (unless you're a glutton), but maybe this family had only one before -- as a pet. And the candy corn is fire.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

The "Argyle Dog" really looks more like a sheep to me. And that 1st cake being "decorators choice" ? Huh????

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Not that it makes it any better, but I think that "Fern" is supposed to be a pineapple.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJasini

Does no one else think the "tied rope" on the wedding cake looks like a noose??? Seeing that kind of eclipsed the moldy/airbrushed angel food. Though not the albino whatever that is.

I thought yodeling lederhosen was a clever reference to Hoodwinked 2. My son used "muffins" as an exclamation for two weeks after watching that movie.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJake and Me

So on the last cake, my question is this: If *that's* what the baker brings in, on the wedding day when there's no hope of fixing or trading it, what do you do? Put it out anyway (yikes!), or pretend the baker got lost and didn't deliver it at all? So many questions...

Also, Axe Murderer for the win! :)

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermichelej

OMG Haiku joy was on top of her game today XD XD Sharyn was hysterical as usual :D the cakes... well the less said the better O_o although the death by trash cake is well done, still I gotta wonder.

OT< if anyone wants to order a George plushie go to the etsy store link on the George post and ask her.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Haiku Joy, my hat is off to you. And today I will have to say, "Great yodeling lederhosen, Batman!" at least once. 'Cause everything is better with Batman.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCookieD'oh

It looks like Tony Soprano's moved his garbage collection business to Antarctica!

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlice Shortcake

That last cake.

the noose-like knot at the bottom of the cake, not sure that was the knot they were talking about tying.

Also, death by moldy dry bread much?

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterholy mountain of death

Several of today’s cakes offer a terrifying glimpse into the future as artistically portrayed through the medium of frosting.

Cake #1: Here we see depicted the potentially disastrous effects of global warming (represented by the bright sunshine on the face of the cake), as the increase in the earth’s temperature dries up swampland everywhere, forcing wildlife to flee their homes (represented by the duck exiting in the lower corner, symbolically blue to represent his feelings). In a touch of macabre humor, the artist has added breakfast cereal to speak for mankind as we say [British accent here] “Cheerio” to wildlife, and, alas, the ecosystem….

Cake #2: Practical pranksters all, the Beat Poets often played tricks on one another while waiting for the Muse to kick in. For example, it is reported that Allen Ginsberg often talked like a pirate, preceding many sentences with “Arrrr….” One day, several of his contemporaries painted his dog, Gyle, like this, prompting Ginsberg to howl “Arrrr…Gyle.” (Literary note: it was at that point that the Muse struck Allen, resulting in the critically acclaimed poem “Howl”.)

Cake #3: A Tribute to Plants: Behold the Fern, and the rest of its kin, it makes for us, oxygen.

Cake #4: One of the saddest cakes I’ve ever seen. Cleverly displayed here is the battle for the use of corn, with hints of the problems to come. Much of the corn grown is used for ethanoyl for gasoline, thus limiting the availability of corn for livestock feed. The mama pig, seen here on the face of the world, gazes longingly at the corn, which has been diverted from feed to fuel. The effect of this is skinnier pigs, with sows struggling to produce enough nourishment for their own offspring. As you can readily see, one piglet already is left out, forecasting the reduction in animal product for human consumption as fewer animals can be fed. (Additional note, though not literary: while some may scoff at the use of candy corn, this, too is highly significant, as another large part of the corn crop goes to making sweeteners (high fructose corn syrup, anyone….)

Cake #5: A whimsical, yet serious, reminder of the consequences of our throw-away society: in the end, out garbage will over-run us and we will be de-feeted…. The penguin? An ironic counterpoint to the dead feet coming out from the can: happy feet.

Cake #6: This is what happens when you order a cake in Colorado from a Medical Marijuana Dispensary/Bakery…..

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

@Haikujoy --- you GO, girl!
@Sharyn -- smiles and giggles and thanks as always
@Jen -- We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Did anyone else think that last "mountain" cake look like the aggro crag from Nickelodeon's old show Guts? Because I certainly did. lol!

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJillie

@SuBee: hahaha... I read your comment after I posted...never thought there'd be another Howl reference....I dig it....
@Sharyn: don't you ever sleep...? spp....
@Hiaku Joy: an anthology today! Yes!

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

I like to think the Death by Trash-can cake is to celebrate the publication of a Mystery. One similar to Donna Andrews' "The Penguin Who Knew Too Much"

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterspel chek

Enjoy it, guys, because today is the first day of school and I might not be able to emerge again for a while. If you don't hear from me again after six weeks, send the rescue party.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I want that dog beat poet cake now. D:

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJen

i think the trash can cake is probably a divorce cake. like, the wife threw the (ex)hubby out.

the poop-rope on the last one is not connected to the knot. i wouldn't trust the knot. oh no! i hope the knot sarah t tied will proof more stable!

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLcP

What is scary to me is that I can honestly see the thought process around it.

"Hmm...Ive got this cake order. Well, I dont know how to sculpt a mountain so how about I just add these cake scraps to this plain tiered cake to make it look like a mountain. Oh man..its white cake. I thought it kinda looked like snow. I know! I'll airbrush it a kinda of rocky color so it will blend. Oh darn! The rope! I forgot the climbing rope. . That shouldn't be too hard. I can make that clip thing then extrude some fondant and twirl it about some and almost done! I need to make it really look like a mountain. I know, I will dribble white frosting on the top to look like it lightly crested in snow! Im so good..this lady is lucky I can design on the fly."

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Oh my Gawd! Giant LOL at "Argyle Dog Beat Poet." My husband laughed so hard he pierced my ear drum! I think you've hit the peak of your creativity with that one Jen - it's gonna be hard topping that (no pun intended!) Seriously - this was post was hilarious!!

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArielaHvM

I suspect the decorator on the first cake was thinking "marble cake--marble icing! Genius!!!"

Except that I don't think any marble comes in that shade of red, and it still doesn't explain the duck.

As for the third cake, at least the label explains what color the icing is supposed to be. It's not actually yellow more of a tropical sunset nightmare gold, but at least someone was trying....

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

Excellent So I Married an Axe Murderer reference! I love that poem!

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCara

Another awesome post! And the comments, also awesome!
Haiku Joy- Are you writing the "Ode to Cake Wrecks" poetry book?
Sharyn- Nice!
Cookie D'oh- I agree, "Great Yodeling Lederhosen, Batman" is the way to go!

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRikki

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