Be Our Guest
September 12, 2012 Cakes so full of grime
;)
Possibly diseased
;)
Oozing from both ends!
;)
These could kill your friends...
Unexpectedly.
Just a little mange
;)
Y'all come for the feast!
;)
What’s that over there?
;)
Dirty underwear?
Who would pay for these?
Everyone’s the same
;)
Spongebob in disguuuuise!
We should tell the store
;)
Sometimes less is more
Those cows hurt MY EYES.
These cakes are a crime
;)
Misery prolonged
;)
*
Sticky, green and strange!
;)
Makes you feel deranged
These are just so wrong.
Certainly this one
;)
Has infected yeast
Festering, with slime
;)
These cakes are a crime
Who would pay for these?
Festering, with slime
;)
These cakes are a crime
Who would pay.... for theeese?
(Off to the Dumpster with you now, cakes. It’s past your sell time.)
;)
Thanks to Chloe, Louise F., Megan P., Anony M., Eric P., Pete & Erika , Anna S., Tiffany S., Ashlee M., Joanna B., Hannah C., Chani, & Mona S., who recommend skipping the gray stuff this time.
*Made by the awesome Jennifer Lewis of The Connoisseurs. Check out the making of here.
Reader Comments (81)
Another Disney song "wrecked" by your rewritten lyrics. I love it!
that was perfection. especially when read with mrs. potts' voice in my head.
*hurk*
Absolutely awesome, in a horrifying sort of way. I love the song-based posts!
Brilliant lyrics!
But the cakes? Where the heck's the eye bleach?! GAG
That was simply amazing! A great start to my day! :) It's my husband's birthday today... hopefully we don't get anything like this.
For anyone wondering the provenience of the catfish cake, that is a work by our dear Artist-in-residence Jennifer Lewis at TheConnoisseurs.com
For the whole story, check out the making-of here
And for more amusing and educational articles on food, drink, and entertainment, please check us out at www.theconnoisseurs.com or follow us on Twitter ( @theconnoisseurs ) or Facebook.
I am trying to understand why you would have a "congatulations" cake that is internal organs?? Was Drew constipated and he finally made a poopey or was his family shocked that he wasnt an alien after some surgery....Baffled.
None offends like these cakes,
Gives the bends like these cakes,
Makes depictions of human rear ends like these cakes.
There as sick’ning as old rotting garbage,
Medical waste and such muck.
Old entrails on these cakes,
Bloody trails on these cakes,
Can’t believe there are so many fails on these cakes.
They’re the worst of in the long line of Wreckorating.
I can’t stand to look at these cakes…
With apologies to Jen, Sharyn, and Alan Menken andHoward Ashman.
BE OUR GUEST, BE OUR GUEST, PUT OUR CAAAAKES TO THE TEST
WE ARE SURE YOU'LL FIND THEM PURE (or at least more or less)
SOUP DE BARF
ROADKILL SNAKES
MAGGOTY BLADDER STEAK
TRY THE GREY STUFF (It's horrendous!)
DON'T BELIEVE ME ASK THE CANDLES
THEY CAN SCREAM THEY CAN DANCE (After all, guys, this is Cake Wrecks!)
AND A CAKE HERE IS ALWAYS SECOND BEEEEESSST~
GO ON TAKE OUT YOUR BAAAG, THESE CAKES ARE WORSE THEN HAAAAGS,
BE OUR GUEST BE OUR GUEST BE OUR GUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST~
Haha! Haha! Ha-HURL....omgosh Even with a rare weekday breakfast of bacon, pancakes and eggs awaiting, My appetite = GONE
Those rusty colored "panties" cake is actually a Burnt Orange Longhorn, mascot of UT in Austin.
Why put grapes with a fish? It brings eggs to mind.
Who knew Beauty and the Beast's soundtrack was so versatile? :)
Okay. The fish one. I know you'd be horrified if you had it put in front of you, but it's at least well made. The rest of them - SWEET MARY MOTHER OF INTERNAL ORGANS!
My eyes,my eyes DX DX Sharyn, you amuse as always
Can't sleep... The Poo Monkey and Noseless Belle will get me... Can't sleep... Can't sleep...
Oh my gosh...that was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys are flipping geniuses with your song rewrites!
the "dirty underwear" is most likely trying to be the University of Texas logo the Longhorn...I know this because I am from Texas and have seen many botched tattoos and cakes/cookies trying to be this symbol. here is a link: http://blog.topratetutors.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/texas_2653.gif
I almost admire the cakes that are icky on purpose. I suspect that the fish and liver-stomach-intestines were EXACTLY what the customer wanted
Also I hate you a little - that song is going to earworm me all day.
Must report all of these 'cakes' to the department of health, not to mention the bakers themselves.
Thanks for that - I was about to shuffle off to the kitchen for a little something but now I've gone off the idea for some reason....
Is it wrong that I quite like the catfish cake?
I'm not sure that I ever want to eat cake again.. For that matter, think that I've lost my appetite entirely. Yuck.
I actually liked the spawning blue catfish cake. It was awesome, and would be perfect for my son.
However, the 2nd-to-last one with the horrible gray giant grub-things had me wondering WTF??
No-thing icks like these wrecks
Nothing squicks like these wrecks
Nothing makes your face go into tics like these wrecks
These cakes are renowned for the wreckorating
Oh me oh my, these wrecks!
I especially like how the baker used cheese slices for Belle's hands!
The catfish cake is amazing, and the tapioca pearls are inspired (though I thought they were grapes at first). But, yeah, not something I'd want to encounter in the average bakery case.
I like the catfish mother with eggs.. Sorta sweet and well made. The others ?? WHY OH WHY?!!
What this REALLY reminds me of is the "literal video version" of "Total Eclipse of the Heart."
http://youtu.be/ovEDhFfgdOo
You can thank me later. :-)
*Applause* Spot on! Well done!
Sharyn, as I sang through today's brilliant post I knew early on that this was your work. Then when I got to the end and saw your name there I actually squealed a bit in delight for you. That's got to be like seeing your name in lights for a CW fan! Well done!
I think some of those are props for the Dr. Oz show. I'm donning my purple gloves just in case.
I am so glad they wrote "grillin time" on the infected yeast cake. I thought the item on the right was a uterus with an IUD.
I lived in Texas for 2 years and saw the Longhorn logo everywhere. I did not recognize it here in that cake.
HAHA, the grilling cake, should've said "Yay for IUD's!" OMG!
I'm laughing so hard at work I'm crying. Just imagining Ms. Potts singing this song.... the cakes are absolutely puke-inducing but I can't stop laughing.
Well, those are images that I'll never be able to scrub from my mind...
Fabulous lyrics!
Also, that Belle cake looks like Roger from American Dad.
wait a minute...WOW! One of my pics actually made it up there! I took it forever ago but holy moly, what a freakin honor!
Megan P.
I thought the catfish cake was freaking amazing! And the story (as provided byConnoisseur Tom) behind it is brilliant! Kudos to the chef!
Okay so maybe it is not everyone's idea of awesome but this biologist thought it was perfect. :)
Blechhhh! Just had my lunch. But my tummy is bouncing around due to singing along with the song and laughing at the same time. Yes, I too, can multitask!!! :) Expecting more of this....say to a song from The Jungle Book? Or Finding Nemo? Just sayin'. Thanks peeps!
I look at these cakes and ask myself...
WHY???????
The fish was actually well done but still...
WHY????????
Those pig-cows look like the Swine-Things from The House on the Borderland.
I had to read today's post twice. Once to sing Beauty And The Beast with the new lyrics without messing up the cadence, and once to actually pause and look at the cakes. So, thanks a lot Sharyn. You (and possibly a small amount of musical OCD) forced me to live through this post two consecutive times.
Cows are my favorite animal but seeing them wrecked and moldy/on a rusty grill just makes me sad.
That poor fish...
Long time reader, first time comment. Made me laugh so hard, I woke up the baby!
I have been visiting this site daily for a long time and have never lost my appetite, not even through the slightly-too-realistic embryo cakes. And even today I was doing fine as I ate my leftover meatloaf until I got to the infected urinary tract and the mention of yeast. Hurk! I didn't need to finish my lunch anyway. Where's the pepto?
These are just... gack!
ah I really though the "cow" cakes were petri dishes with cultures growing until I looked closely.
Sharyn, brilliant post! Commenters - brilliant mash-ups! The only problem I have now is that Gaston's song is an earworm I can't get rid of...
As for today's cakes, with the possible exception of the catfish - urgh.
CHANI?!?! What Chani is this, that has contributed to this post? It's rare for me to see my name, so I got super excited!
Great post. Loved it. Sang it in my head. Very well done. :)
The only thing I've got for the first cake is maybe Drew just finished his surgical residency, in which case, well done. Otherwise....
Everything else.... BLECH! I may never grill again.