Monday
Aug202012
9 Of The World's Dirtiest Cakes
August 20, 2012 Baaaaby, now that I've found you I'll just LET you mold:
;)
With Christmas stuff around you
;)
And UGLY bows:
;)
Barbie, EVEN though
You're so creepy
;)
So dang creeeeee-pay!!
;)
BAAAAY-BAY!
;)
Without a sound you scream, "I'll CUT you, bro!"
;)
Dead bugs and dirt around you:
;)
This is a WHOLE new low
It's ironic, though;
You need cleaning...
;)
So much CLEEEANING!
Thanks to Leah B., Carrie S., Diana K., Juliana B., Ann P., Ken D., Anony M., Jessica, & Melissa P. for the window pain. [shudder]
Reader Comments (48)
How can anyone look at those things-formerly-known-as-cakes and think, "YES! Perfect! That's exactly the example we need to show customers how wonderful our cakes are!"
So that's what Miss Havisham's wedding cake looked like in "Great Expectations."
Sung to “Breaking Up is Hard to Do”
Don’t take my cakes away from me
They’ve only been out for two years (or three)
If you take them I’ll be blue
‘Cause baking fresh is hard to do.
The baby cake turned out just right
And I swear Mom gets her cake tonight
Pertrified, beribboned too
That cupcake shade is hard to do
They say that Barbie dolls like dustiness, too
Add more fondant when the first batch is through
Flowered dolls with cracks are a trend
Instead of sticky soft I like my monsters crunchy in the end
My buggy friend was a good guy
Can’t you give dirt cake another try?
Laundered cake is good for you
‘Cause baking fresh is hard to do.
Spent all morning looking for somebody
Who writes a post like you~
Now my sinuses are full of coffee
Thanks again to all of you!
Long time follower, first time poster. Gotta say, this made me throw up in my mouth a little. Although, I didn't scream out loud like I did at the birth cakes. LOVE the commentary Jen...John too!
I am literally laughing my self blue in the face today.
Thanks for making my studying procrastination pay off Cakewrecks!!!
How do these shop owners/managers NOT notice their displays when they come to open up in the am? And what about the customers? If I EVER saw display cakes like these I would honestly point them out. These are worse than bad. And if the display cakes are kept that long, what does that say about their ingredient inventory? How old and stale are they?????
That fifth wreck... Is that a... Caul!?!?!? (blinkblkink)...
I just creeped myself out... O_o
O...M...G, I would hate to see the person who BUYS those cakes D:
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth when I saw the dead bug cake.
Alison Krauss!! Love that song.
I'm especially disturbed by the laundromat O_o
I can't believe I'm saying this, but the Barbie cake would be less creepy if I thought she had SNAKES on the skirt, rather than the earthworms crawling around on it.
But it's that frighteningly, unnaturally, tall baby in the Miss Havisham wedding dress that will be haunting me today. oooOOOOOOooooo...
Most display cakes are made from
styrofoam, not cake. But they get to a point
where it's time to redo the display cake.
Theses are all several years beyond that
point
Hello all. I've been traveling on Holiday and have not checked in. I've missed my CW and all you lovelies! I see John(thoJ) even did a daisy post while I was away - love it.
Now, about today's cakes: I just don't get it. Do these bakeries not understand that the purpose of a display is to attract clients, not make them run screaming from the store? I mean, it's like stepping into The Crazy Murderer Person's House from pretty much any Horror film; everything covered in dust and bugs and scary dolls looking at you with their dead eyes. All the store needs to complete the scene is to play Creepy Old Timey Music on a Gramophone. Actually, that would make it kinda cool. : - )
The Susie Slay You In Your Sleep doll (cake #6) is s-l-o-w-l-y escaping from the flower bedecked concrete prison in which she was encased. Quick! Someone run out and buy a bag of quick-dry cement!
Some money laundering business fronts are hard to detect. Others? Not so much. Might as well have put Laundromat in quotation marks, MARIA.
To be fair, that third one just looks like it got Instagram'd, rather than being genuinely disgusting.
Dang! Someone beat me on the Miss Havisham reference. Good to know we're such a literary bunch!
Instructions on second cake: "Please deliver cake to Bates Motel. Ask for Norman."
Wonder why the delivery girl never came back?
Is that second cake a nod to X-Files? "Thank You Mulder"
#3 Putting a sign on that says "display only" makes it all OK. Really, it does. (not)
Somehow, based on the title of the post, I was expecting gummy worms and Oreo crumbs and cakes that tried to look like gardens and dirt. This was far, far, worse!
Some of these look like they were taken with Instagram.
I dunno; are we allowed to snark on cakes that aren't actual cakes, but styrofoam?
@ Andrea - thanks for making me laugh so hard the dog came over to see if I was ok.
Does that 3rd cake have ray droppings on it????
I Laughed Out Loud. *applauds*
These look like Ms. Lovett tried her hand at cakes. I agree with those saying the Barbie/Princess cake looks like there are worms crawling over the skirt. Yuck!
@Lis - now my dog is checking on me!
Lis, I can just see your dog tentatively padding over to your computer chair. lol And even though the guy in the background of #7 has a blurred face, I can still tell the look on his face is "What is THAT??"
I sang the entire post (to myself, in my head, silently). Thanks for reminding me of that song!
Are those actually worms on the Barbie cake?
Why are there worm on Barbie's dress? Please say those were intentional icing worms by a baker with a lack of artistic talent. And not "been there too long" worms.
I agree with Andrea and the others who mentioned horror movies. I thought these photos were stills from the latest horror movie, "Brides of Cakey -- The Wreckinator."
Worms on a Barbie dress? (shudder) ewwwwww.
@Andrea welcome back
@Erica shhh! Theardare might hear you. If J&J(thoJ) say it's a wreck then it's a wreck.
The saddest thing is that none of these were very pretty to begin with...
The Barbie one appears to have worms on it.
The thank you mother cake I swear looks like a bird pooped on it lol and as for those cupcakes does that sign say take onions?? I swear that's what it looks like. I would rather have onions than those things. As for poor Barbie all I can say is..kill it with fire and pray it doesn't return to haunt us lol.
Read to the tune of the nursery rhyme "This is the house that Jack built".
This is the kewpie atop frosting cracked
This is the gold piping swirled and compact
that flaked alongside the frosting cracked
This is the 7 cupcakes green hue
that clashed with the gold piping compact
that flaked alongside the frosting cracked
This is the Barbie skirt lined brown goo
that faded like the cupcakes green hue
that clashed with the gold piping compact
that flaked alongside the frosting cracked
This is the 2 layer cake half wrapped
that sat near the Barbie skirt brown goo
that faded like the cupcakes green hue
that clashed with the gold piping compact
that flaked alongside the frosting cracked
This is the zombie doll flower entrapped
that stood above the cake half wrapped
that sat near the Barbie skirt brown goo
that faded like the cupcakes green hue
that clashed with the gold piping compact
that flaked alongside the frosting cracked
This is the monster blue head
that stared at the doll flower entrapped
that stood above the cake half wrapped
that sat near the Barbie skirt brown goo
that faded like the cupcakes green hue
that clashed with the gold piping compact
that flaked alongside the frosting cracked
This is the strawberry with fly dead
that was not eaten by the monster head
that stared at the doll flower entrapped
that stood above the cake half wrapped
that sat near the Barbie skirt brown goo
that faded like the cupcakes green hue
that clashed with the gold piping compact
that flaked alongside the frosting cracked
This is the wedding cake displayed seven
that did not include the fly dead
that was not eaten by the monster head
that stared at the doll flower entrapped
that stood above the cake half wrapped
that sat near the Barbie skirt brown goo
that faded like the cupcakes green hue
that clashed with the gold piping compact
that flaked alongside the frosting cracked
This is the laundromat heaven
that shown the wedding cake seven
that did not include the fly dead
that was not eaten by the monster head
that stared at the doll flower entrapped
that stood above the cake half wrapped
that sat near the Barbie skirt brown goo
that faded like the cupcakes green hue
that clashed with the gold piping compact
that flaked alongside the frosting cracked
"Vintage" is not a good category for cakes
Allison Krauss ftw!!!! Haven't listened to her in ages!
Not being familiar with the song being parodied, it took some googling to find out that it's "Now That I've Found You" originally recorded by The Foundations in a very Motown mode (they also had a hit with "Build Me Up Buttercup"). If you play the Alison Krauss version in your head while you view the wrecks, it *is* rather creepy (as lovely as her cover was), but if you play the original recording in your head, it sounds rather defiant... Which one did you have in mind?
Ummm, I think I'm missing the point here but WHAT is with the downpipe on the outside wall of Maria's 'Laundromat'?. P.S - Love your work guys.
I'm trying to work up the courage to check out the bakery in the grocery store but today I was distracted by yummy cupcakes that didn't have freaky bows on them. The baby looks like he's lying in mold.
Poor Barbie seemed to encounter a parasite and it multiplied all over her dress!
Apparently I'm the only one to have noticed that written in the brown worms on barbies dress are the words "oh noes". I saw it immediately now I can't unsee it.
I have hot chocolate up my nose. It's rather unpleasant, but it was worth it...I haven't laughed so hard in ages!
It looks like they just stuck a Barbie through the cake like so many others.
That Barbie cake is by far the worst. Several of the others look like they may have been passable before mold, mildew, and the ravages of time set in, I can't see Barbie's hideous poo-covered dress being acceptable even when it was fresh.
I have a feeling that the baby the first cake was for is now collecting Social Security. Bleccch!
Love that song, Sharyn!! Hahaha! Neil would be proud of your re-do! =D