Shark Week "Winners"
August 17, 2012
;)
"Thank goodness Shark Week is almost over. How did we get roped into judging this 'Oceanic Idol' contest, anyway? I'm not sure I can take any more of these catfish pretending they're the next Great White. It's just sooo pathetic, you know?"
"Shhh...here comes the next batch."
;)
"Rawr! I'mma shark!"
"No, you're not. NEXT!"
;)
"I am paralyzing you with my cold, predatory stare.
...Right?"
"Well, we're paralyzed with something, that's for sure."
;)
"Behold! I have the strength of ten sturgeons!"
"What are you supposed to be, The Thing?"
"No, I'm a lobster."
"Get out."
"No, really, I am!"
"I know. GET OUT."
"And what are you supposed to be?"
;)
"I'm a clown shark!"
"Let me guess: because you taste funny?"
"No, I traumatize small children."
"Touché."
"Ok, Mr. Crab, we give up; what are you doing?"
;)
"I call this, 'Blue Seal.' Sha-POW!"
"UG. You made that pun on porpoise, didn't you?"
"DID SOMEBODY SAY 'PORPOISE'??"
;)
[everyone] "SHUT UP, LARRY."
"I can't believe we have to pick one these crazy fish for the winner, Otto."
"Tell me about it. What are we going to do?"
"Hello, boys."
;)
[pause]
"The new Oceanic Idol, everybody!!"
Thanks to Nikki D., Melanie N., Tracie T., Leanne M., Amanda W., Laura B., Sarah O., & Kaitlin K. for teaching us that eggs can have tentacles. Really, I expected that lesson to come from Japan. {HEYO.}
Reader Comments (37)
I had something really witty and charming to share....but I lost it at "Blue Seal" *gigglesnort*
I was really worried--I hate fish. I have nightmares about fish. I avoid places with aquariums. So I almost didn't even look at this post.
I needn't have worried. Nothing is less fish-like than these fish pretenders. Of course, nothing looks less cake-like, either.
Sung to “Mack the Knife”
Oh, it’s Shark Week, here on Idol
Octos pick the winner right
It’s not easy, with these losers
That they’ve gathered here tonight.
Close your mouth, Glen, where’s your teeth, dude?
Your pink maw fills us with dread
Come back when you’ve gotten dentures
But for now go home to bed
Glassy-eyed stare from an orange fish
Can’t you fishies get a life?
We’re not paralyzed by your stare
Want to stop us? Try a knife.
Pumped-up lobsters don’t deliver
But our jaws are dropping down
If you’ve ever seen a shark, dear
The you know it’s NOT A CLOWN
Get a load of Mr. Crab here
He thinks puns will win the cash
But they’re really pretty awful
All his dreams are gonna crash
Let’s watch Larry take a dive now
Azure dolphin going down
Most of these guys still have gills, now
Or I’d send them off to drown
Wait a minute! Who’s this vision?
Pouty lips, head so round
Blow a kiss, dear, to your public
A new Idol’s ….
Come. To. Town.
A Zoolander reference! Totally awesome!
Love today's ditty! Thanks as always Sharyn. Now I will be humming Mack The Knife all day But in honor of Sharyn's creativity, I think I'll go with the live Ella Fitzgerald version where she made up the words on the fly when she forgot the actual ones. For that she won a Grammy! So I think Sharyn should get a "wreckie" for today's version.
The first contestant looks like a pig that tried to eat a landlmine.
The last looks like my sixth grade home room teacher.
The others just serve to remind me that I want to sell my husband's fishtank.
Immediately...
Is that white icing near the tail of #3? What is that supposed to... no, don't tell me, I don't want to know!
Gave me a giggle and woke me up-thanks. Those scare me more than anything on shark week D: Sharyn lol
Regarding picture #4:
Don't you just hate it when you flex so hard that you tear a hole in your abs? So embarrassing...
Your throw away aside at the bottom made me laugh the hardest. Thanks for that.
I've seen enough hentai to know....
Is that a porpoise or a blue porcupine?
Does Otto eat all the contestants except for Wanda?
Wait a minute? ...? Where's Wanda?
Jen, too funny. You took me back to one of my all time favorites - Battle of the Beach. I laughed so hard I think I inked a little.
Sharyn, great song today (aren't they all though). I don't sing well but Mack the Knife I can do, even got all they hey's, ho's, and finger snapping.
You 2 made my day!
The crab cake reminds me of Sebastian in "The Little Mermaid" when he says, "You've got to pucker up your lips. . . . like this."
http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanimatedmovies/6240382864/
Cake no. 2: That is one LARGE mouth bass! Flee for the hills!
Cake no. 3: Cupcakes covered in Cheetos dust? Ugh.
Sharyn: If you only knew all the wonderful memories that "Mack the Knife" evokes. And yes, they're all alcohol-related. There are DeMolay teens who will never recover from the trauma. . . . . . Thanks for another hit!
The second one is a large-mouth bass leaping out of the water, trying to shake the hook. It is actually a pretty good likeness.
The last, uh, thing is really pretty impressive. Terrifying, but impressive. At least, it would be more so without the red plastic crab toy.
Zoolander! Day = made.
Also, is it just me, or does that porpoise look like a blue armadillo?
...what do they call a baker who makes yucky fish cakes? an ick-thyologist....
I wondered about all the scary mutant fish until I got to that last cake, and realized it is Cthulhanna, Cthulhu's cute younger sister...
Am I seeing an apostrophe in WE (Glen's nightmare fish)? At first glance, it appears to be W ' e love you! (Just basing this on the color and spacing, but no real evidence)
Love the "Otto" reference! These so-called fish should never, never, NEVER be overfed.
Or fed to humans.
I actually like the last one. It sorta looks like Ursela from the LIttle Mermaid, Otherwise, these are deep blue disasters...
Oh that bass looks like a cross with the Salt Monster From Star Trek TOS... Just creeped me out!
Is it me, or does the mouth on the second shark looks like the Sarlacc from Jedi?
I find myself strangely, oddly... inexplicably entranced by the last cake. I cannot explain it.
Ooh, ooh! I've just realized why! My older sister had one of these when I was a little kid:
http://www.toysyouhad.com/stretch3.gif
(I don't know about any other members in the stretch line, but that octopus didn't stretch worth a darn.)
I thought Cake #2 was actually a lamprey (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamprey). :-)
@ Monica-I had that strech octopus too! Forgot all about it until now. And you're right, you'd have to get a WWE wrestler to stretch that thing.
I guess I am too old to know Zoolander, but I am old enough to get the SNL landshark/candygram reference that all the youngsters will miss.
@TLC ~ I'm sitting here in my office reciting that entire movie now. Thanks! But you ARE right, it does look like the Sebastian and the "pucker up like 'dis" scene.
And yeah, I agree that the last one looks like Ursula the Sea Witch. SCARY!!!
Great commentary Jen and awesome song Sharyn!
Sitting here looking at these with my 11 year old daughter. She knew what each of them was supposed to have been before I got scrolled through 1/2 of each image. I think I have a future wreck maker on my hands if I don't intervene now.
"No, I traumatize small children." LMAO (stands and applauds)
Too bad these didn't all stay under the sea. Now, I need to go watch John Cleese seduce Jamie Lee Curtis again...lucky wench.
The crab TOTALLY looks like Sammy, the Crab of Trapped Wind from "The Mighty Boosh". Either that, or Citizen Snips, from "The New Justice Team" episode of "Futurama". :)
Oh boy. And here I thought that lobster was kind of cute. Of course it just had to be a CCC. Ugh. Someone save me from shark week lol. Heck I should just avoid water at all costs this week I guess.
You are such a wonderful blogger! I love both of your blogs and look forward to a good laugh and great info. So I know this is nitpicky, but it's the English teacher in me! AMOUNT is used with stuff you can't really count: amount of flour, amount of hair. NUMBER is used for things you can usually count: number of sprinkles, number of mermaids, number of carrot jockeys. Okay, grammar lesson over. Thanks for your great blogs!
Read to the tune of the nursery rhyme "This is the house that Jack built".
This is the octopus blue pair
This is the large mouth bass snare
that entangled the octopus pair
This is the nemo's lumpy cousin
that stared at the large bass snare
that entangled the octopus pair
This is the lobster orange dozen
that compared to nemo's lumpy cousin
that stared at the large bass snare
that entangled the octopus pair
This is the fish green tread
that watched the lobster orange dozen
that compared to nemo's lumpy cousin
that stared at the large bass snare
that entangled the octopus pair
This is the girl crab red
that kissed the fish green tread
that watched the lobster orange dozen
that compared to nemo's lumpy cousin
that stared at the large bass snare
that entangled the octopus pair
This is the blue seal one eyed
that swam with the girl crab red
that kissed the fish green tread
that watched the lobster orange dozen
that compared to nemo's lumpy cousin
that stared at the large bass snare
that entangled the octopus pair
This is the tentacled water bride
that married the blue seal one eyed
that swam with the girl crab red
that kissed the fish green tread
that watched the lobster orange dozen
that compared to nemo's lumpy cousin
that stared at the large bass snare
that entangled the octopus pair
Kind of unrelated, but I want a cake wrecks game. You get to be the wreckerator (mostly because anyone without a tablet isn't going to be able to get good enough control to produce a sweet), and you take the orders, mess them up, and it generates a Jen style critique of your work. You get extra points for trying to reproduce the Darth Vader riding My Little Pony cake.
That clown fish did indeed traumatize me (shudder)