Friday
Jul062012
Bakery Math
July 6, 2012 One ugly 8-inch round flower cake:
;)
$6.00
Five ugly 8-inch round flower cakes:
;)
;)
;)
;)
;)
$30.00
Five ugly 8-inch round flower cakes plopped on styrofoam and cardboard stands:
;)
;)
$235.00
The look on the bride's face?
;)
Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy.
But those things are stupid and overrated.
So buy a decent cake already.
Which reminds me of this not-entirely-safe-for-work video:
And so, in conclusion, just pay the money.
Thanks to Melinda W., Holley W., Kae B., Liz Q., Meghan F., Nikki G., and Lainey M. who thinks we should start investing in styrofoam and cardboard.
Reader Comments (42)
A few questions to ponder:
1. Does that price label say "HOG CELEB CAKE" as in cake for famous pigs? Wilbur? Babe? Arnold Ziffel?
2. Or does it say "WOG CELEB CAKE" as in World of Gorecraft Celeb Cake? Not getting the celeb thing, but I can definitely see the gore.
3. Does the label's Net Weight entry say 1 ooze?
4. Is the Do Not Touch sign so emphatic because they knew people would have the urge to either fix the cake or throw it out?
Just pondering…
Note how yellow rose
blooms in flavescent landscapes.
Texan doodle-cake.
Sung to “Rock Around the Clock”
One, two, three more cakes, four more cakes wrecked
Five, six, seven more cakes, eight more cakes wrecked
Nine, ten, eleven more cakes, and one bride wrecked
We’re gonna wreck all the round cakes tonight
Grab your piping bag and join me, hon
We’ll have some fun as we wreck cake one
We’re gonna wreck all the round cakes tonight
We’re gonna pipe some putrid flower blight
We’re gonna wreck, gonna wreck all the round cakes tonight
Then we’ll wreck cakes two, three and four
If we slow down, that what Red Bull’s for
We’re gonna wreck all the round cakes tonight
Our designs will show we’re none too bright
We’re gonna wreck, gonna wreck all the round cakes tonight
When it’s time bring five, six and seven
We’re in wreckerator heaven!
We’re gonna wreck all the round cakes tonight
We’re gonna give the bride’s mom such a fright
We’re gonna wreck, gonna wreck all the round cakes tonight
Grab eight, nine, ten, eleven, too
I’ll do something brown, with flowers, ooh
We’re gonna wreck all the round cakes tonight
Is that centered on the styro right?
We’re gonna wreck, gonna wreck all the round cakes tonight
Now that we’re all done, we’ll cool off, then…
Wait, here’s that nasty bride again!
We finished up her wrecky cakes tonight
I don’t know why she’s being so uptight
We just wrecked, we just wrecked all the round cakes tonight
I love that video! There is a whole series of wedding planning videos, they are hilarious. For the low price of $235, you can have ugly flower cakes on Styrofoam and cardboard!
Eek - the word "wedding" is spoken and we enter a twilight zone where logic and financial common sense do not apply. I agree with the groom!
Wedding-related thoughts seem to cause temporary insanity in some people, both brides/grooms and bakers. That explains a lots of the wedding wrecks on here!
Sharyn, how do you DO that?
*hugs Haiku Joy & Sharyn* You two are great! And we've missed you Joy!
...I have no words for the cakes. Unless "Yeeesghagh!" is a word. :|
Love that video!
And that purple flower cake with the lime green center? LOTS of frosting so that's the cake for me. :-)
OMG Haiku joy is back!!!!! :D :D Sharyn bwahahaha XD Those cakes are hideous, they should come with a warning-may cause a bridezilla moment.
Yay! Cakewrecks will display properly on my computer again. Two days without bad cakes was too long.
It says WDG/CELEB cake. (Wedding/ Celebration) most of those cakes were from Wal-mart. I used to work there. LOL. This cracks me up! :D
That video is precisely why we told our caterer we were having a family reunion. We knew the price would go up if we said Wedding. And it was a family reunion because I got to see lots of family I hadn't seen in quite a while!
However, we did get a WEDDING cake. Because it was from a store that had been owned by family members in the past. And still had a good reputation. And, thank all the gods above, it was NOT a wreck. Although, in hindsite, I think I might be honored to see our cake featured on this site.
Yes, I'm odd. ;-)
Well, I agree with the groom. A plastic statue and ribbon don't justify the cost increase.
Cake 4 is just sad. And Cake 5: Mashing cookies on the top for decorations? Really?
Sharyn: I think you must live on Red Bull in order to come up with these songs every day. Today's was classic!
And Haiku Joy, welcome back!
That video! Oh, my gosh! We always suspected...
My day is off to a good start. :)
Even the hideous wedding cakes on this blog are usually more elaborate than I could manage, being, well, whatever is below amateur and novice on the cake making scale. On a scale of 1-10, I'd be, like, -3. Okay, fine, probably a -5. But this wedding cake? I could TOTALLY do that.
@DB: Heehee! I thought the Net Wt. was "2 Doz" or "2 Close"...maybe it says, "2 Blave", so the whole cake is a bluff and the REAL (super awesome) wedding cake is hidden somewhere...maybe?
@Sharyn and Haiku Joy: brilliant as always. I am golf clapping in your general direction.
Beige wedding cake? Is the bride and groom getting married in Dockers and sensible shoes too? How very... nondescript.
Haiku Joy and Sharyn! Y'all make it worth looking at those wrecks! LOL
that video reminds me of having your hair done for a "special event." if you just want an updo, it's one price, if you tell them it's for a wedding, they jack up the price.
for my sister's wedding, i wore my hair down but had them curl it for me. she'd quoted me one price, but when she found out i was going to a wedding, she said she was supposed to charge me a different price. for the same service. the same hairstyle. and i don't think i even had any baby's breath!
Masterwrecks: They're everywhere you can see.
I didn't realize I could take the sugar cookies I baked too close together, and call them a flower. Neat!
I am noting how the first two cakes seem to specify "with icing". Um, does this mean you can request a hideous flower cake WITHOUT hideous floral icing? Could you even imagine how that discussion would go down?
I want to say something about truth in advertising, but my brain isn't cooperating.
If that's the best you can do for your display, I hate to see what the cake (which incidentally your display is NOT enticing me to order) would actually look like for $235 of my hard earned cash.
Think about the difference between the picture of a Big Mac, and an actual Big Mac. Now apply that same logic to the ***-**** wedding cake. While the display may be a wreck, imagine the wreckiness of the cake some unsuspecting bride got, assuming either this display wasn't up yet when she ordered, or alternatively she sent her frenemy in to order. (hmm is "wreckiness" a word?, how about "wreckier"?)
OMG, the video is brilliant!
The only one that looks like a flower is on the third cake, the cake that goes with that flower needs...something...Theadare perhaps? Whatever happened to premade royal icing roses? Even those would be better.
Sharyn...excellent, as usual.
Welcome back Haiku Joy...we missed you! You must be VERY busy with classes.
My favorite part of the cake is the icing. I want that second cake down - lots of icing! The sixth one isn't bad either. I would seriously love either one. Of course they are ugly but I think it adds to the charm ;)
"...that's what Red Bull's for." HAHAHAHAHAHA!
As an amatuer wreckerator for my children's birthday cakes, I have spent many a late night, rolling fondant flowers, hyped up on Red Bull. But did you know that Red Bull cans make the perfect princess towers? The long slender can looks perfect wrapped in pink fondant, and the top is just the right size to hold a sugar cone as the roof, thus avoiding the awkward lump of phallic fondant. I'm sure I could use the soda in the icing, but with the energy level of my kids, I haven't had the nerve to try it yet.
I have made the cookie flowers for a party. They look cute on the plate before they get split apart.
After reading the word "cardboard", my first thought was that the cakes in the next picture were cardboard. That's an ugly frosting color.
I am totally digging cake #6. Yes, it's ugly, but with all that frosting, who cares!?? Gimme!
Jack Wire, I'd love to see that cake, did you take pics?
Theardare's Redecorating Service tends to be a tad...messy. 'Messy' would undoubtedly be an improvement for these specimens, but not everyone appreciates an artiste of his caliber.
Yay! Haiku Joy is back! I kind of like the purple one. It just needs a better center. But I still wouldn't pay that much for it.
Is that *full retail* or *full retard*? So hard to tell........
(mumbling in embarrassment) IactuallylikedsomeofthosecakesbutIwon'ttellyouwhichonessinceIwanttobeallowedtostayandplay.
However, that being said/mumbled, what the fern with a bright and vivid yellow flower type thingy on the tops of the dark ivory cakes stacked on cheap plastic stands and draped with an even cheaper shower curtain??
psst- Haiku Joy, welcome home!
One of those cakes looks like Elmo threw up on it lol. I kinda did like the purple flower. I would enjoy eating all that frosting until I got sick. I am just crazy that way I guess. As for the wedding catastrophe.. I would run away screaming and the wreckerator would be running in front of me lol.
Liking a cake isn't the same as questioning whether it's a wreck, @Barbara Anne. At least, that's my take on it as a reformed wreck-questioner -- I can't speak for other comment-taters.
Theardare is cat-napping in his favorite sunny spot in the lab. If a sunny spot in a basement sounds a little fishy, Theardare keeps re-purposing the periscope I use to see when the landscape is free of roving bands of EPCOTers -- cats find a way to get what they want. (EPCOTers are easy to spot -- the signs they carry all say the same thing.)
The "beige" cake have BRIGHT BRIGHT BRIGHT yellow flowers on top. Now there's a study in contrasts.
Being a former cake decorator of Walmart.... I found it HILARIOUS that most of these were sporting Walmart Bakery tags.
#2 Is there any cake in there?
#5 Let's see...Cake-size sugar cookies, and there's 18 of them. For $3.99?! Where is this place?? Oh, I see -- it's 18 regular-size cookies smooshed together in a tray. I can get that anywhere.
#6 See #2, only more so. "After visiting the bakery, why not stop by our convenient, in-store diabetes clinic!"
#7 I can see this being literally thrown together by someone who is the last 'single' in her group of friends -- it wouldn't express the concept, "Whatever" any more clearly if the word was spelled out in giant, flashing letters. Nice to see that whoever sets the prices has a sense of humor, though.
Hi all, I've been laughing at the wrecks on this site since a cake friend of mine showed it to me. But I've never thought of leaving a comment until now.
My comment is this simply. Who makes these cakes? They're awful! And who buys them?
The 5th picture down is a box of sugar cookies, not a cake. That's why it looks so weird and badly decorated. The color is actually the cookie and not icing.
Please don't touch the display? You got it!!
guy - i want the normal cake!!!! theres nothing different about the two!! sales lady - yah but remember we talked about the ribbon...... me- ROFL!!!!!!!!