6 Cakes Creepier Than The Giant Olympics Baby
July 30, 2012 Friday night my Twitter feed suddenly erupted with chatter about the "creepy Cake Wrecks baby" featured on the Olympics' opening ceremonies. Naturally this piqued my interest, but by the time I found the channel I'd missed it. (I watched the rest anyway. Even the parade of nations - although I *might* have fallen asleep between letters D and M.)
Later some readers were kind enough to send me screen shots, though, and WOW. You guys weren't kidding!
Creeeepy.
Has the giant baby been lobotomized?
And shouldn't his/her feet be a little better acquainted with the rest of the body?
I mention all this because I feel that trauma is something that should be shared. That way, we can all begin the healing process together.
After all, it could have been worse; the baby *could* have been face down:
Or had its eyes open, fixing us with a cold, dead stare:
(I honestly can't decide which is worse. Yeesh.)
Or what if it didn't have any arms or legs?
[checking pictures] Oh. Er...
Well, what if it didn't have any arms or legs, AND it was dressed as a lady bug?
;)
We'll call it a draw.
Ok, supposing they wheeled out a giant two-story grill, and stuck the giant baby on top of that.
;)
Then suppose they'd had some interpretive dancers dressed as beer bottles, and those disturbingly oversized feet were motorized to kick every time the baby hiccupped.
Yeah, the Olympics one is seeming down right cute by now, isn't it?
But wait, there's more!
What if the baby had been a creepy muppet with questionable taste in animal prints?
(Waldorf? Is that you?)
Or what if, instead of disembodied feet, there'd been tiny disembodied hands?
"The better to creep up Thing-style and pinch you with, my dears."
Or, OR - what if, instead of the giant creepy lobotomized baby, they'd had a small chemically-burned one rising slowly out of a fine porcelain teacup filled with radioactive sludge?
Let's just hope it gets super powers out of this.
I'm voting for invisibility.
And finally, for the ultimate in perspective, consider this:
NO ONE HAD TO EAT THE OLYMPICS BABY.
But people did eat these. [click at your own risk]
Thanks to wreckporters Erin R., Anony M., Christine C., Crystal B., Sarah C., Michelle F., & Dawn M. for the disturbing slice of perspective.
Reader Comments (64)
you should have seen Voldemort!!!! Awesome? Creepy? You betcha.
I immediately thought of CW when I saw that Friday night. The best part was Matt Lauer called it creepy, and Meredith Viera had to tell him "Don't say that too loud."
I'm going to have nightmares. Who would've done something like that?
did you think the tech relashonsip was cool? i did!
I didn't see the Olympics baby and now am consumed with curiosity as to what the point of it was . . . I mean, there must have been a reason for it, right? But I don't want to go looking for the reason because I might accidentally see more pictures . . .
As for the cakes, I continue to stand by my belief that no one should ever, ever be served a baby cake - especially not mothers-to-be. Even the really beautifully made ones are still creepy. But that baby on the grill with the beer bottles around? I kind of feel like that one should be made into a "would I make a good parent" test; if you would either make or order a cake that involves grilling a baby while drinking beer, the answer is NO - for pity's sake get yourself on birth control or some condoms PRONTO!!!
My heart swells with pride when I realize I was not alone in screaming, "Cake wreck!! Cake wreck!!" as that thing appeared on my TV screen. (I'm an expert lip reader, and I believe the Queen was caught muttering "what the fern," when the cameras turned on her.)
Now for that ladybug. I don't think that's a cake. I think thats a still from the 1959 sequel to "The Fly." It was called, obviously, "The Lady Bug," and it was a huge flop. The audience didn't find a lady bug frightening and they were put off when the movie's hero smacked it with a newspaper. It just wasn't creepy enough.
Unlike these cakes...
Oh, this one is so much better than the placenta-on-a-platter one. Yes, I clicked the link. Can.not.unsee.that! Perspective is everything.
Whilst watching the dancing nurses, kids in jammies with radioactive duvets and the giant baby, I did wonder what the rest of the world must be thinking about us Brits.....
My friend and I, despite having worked our way through the best part of a bottle of wine, did indeed exclaim 'augh, that's creepy!' when they brought out the humungous concertina-ed paper baby. Still not as bad as cake No.2 - someone put it out of it's misery!
The chemical sludge baby has a very, very large diaper. Aaaand, I think that's as far as I want to go with that train of thought.
We called them “Split-head Severed Toosie Baby Trolleys.” (The Carrot Jockeys have no competition…)
Sung to “Camp Granada”
Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah
Are we eating my new brother?
It’s not very entertaining
To find out that you’re OK with baby maiming.
See, a baby, on his tummy
Doesn’t strike me as too yummy
This is making me quite queasy
That you both find eating baby parts so easy
The thumb sucker’s even worse
Did it come here in a hearse?
Could you put away that knife now?
I’m beginning to fear a bit for my life now.
Also, babies are not insects
Can’t you show a little respect?
I’d prefer meat and some gravy
To a piece of limbless, spotted, lifeless baby.
Oh why did you put that baby on a grill?
Perhaps it gives you a cheap thrill?
I’m trying so hard not to stare
Could you please eat that over there?
Muppet with pink zebra blankie
Makes me gag into my hanky
Oh please don’t make me stay
I think I’ll skip dessert today
Great, you’re serving just the head. Wow.
Do you want some fava beans now?
There’s a chance that I’m just dreaming
But just like the lambs I think I may start screaming
Crispy baby in a teacup
Doesn’t make you want to throw up?
Your dessert choice is uncanny
That’s why I’ve decided to go live with Granny.
What's with the alligator skin on the first one? Trying to figure that out gives me the heebie jeebies.
My kids were repeating "creepy! creepy! creepy!" over and over again watching that baby. They don't read cakewrecks all that often either! The best summation of the opening ceremonies from a friend's daughter? "Mary Poppins kills Voldemort."
Second cake will eat me ,second cake will eat me, second cake will eat me...D:
@Ikwig- There was this salute to the National Health Service (apparently, the Brits actually LIKE universal healthcare, but I digress,) that involved doctors and nurses dancing around and tucking children in under, as Caroline B. so aptly put it, radioactive duvets. Then the children started dreaming about giant floaty Vodemort and Captain Hook and Cruella DeVille. THEN the children were saved from their nightmares by dozens and dozens of Mary Poppinses (sic) floating down from the sky. Somewhere in the middle of all that, there appeared the giant Cake Wreck Baby and the Queen muttered, "What the fern?" and the games were declared open and the people rejoiced.
That last statement should have read, "NO ONE HAD TO EAT THE OLYMPICS BABY (that we know of)". Just to cover your bases, I mean.
WHAT'S THAT COMING OUT OF THE TEACUP??????
Aaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
*vomits repeatedly* GOOD MORNING AMERICA!
Sharyn bwahahaha XD XD
Not only are the cakes creepy they have
ugliest faces too. It makes me wonder if
the people who made them have ever
seen a baby.
Oooh, I happened to catch a Cake Wrecks court case this morning (I know, I know, this has nothing to do with creepy Olympic babies with no bodies - the flapping blanket was quite clearly flapping over a flat mattress - but ... CAKE!) on "America's Court with Judge Ross". Lady was being sued by a bakery for non-payment of cake bill. She ordered a forty-pound basketball-in-net cake for her twin boys' seventh birthday party - put down $100 on the $250 bill. She evidently changed her mind on the design at least once a week for weeks before settling on the one they baked. Didn't look too bad, either, although the netting could have been a bit better-done. Instead of letting the bakery deliver, she insisted on picking it up herself, two days before the party. The baker was carrying the cake out for her when the two hellions (her sons) attacked him, punching his legs, hitting and pushing until he lost his balance and went down, cake and all. Mom demanded a new cake (free), on the grounds that the baker dropped the cake in the bakery, on his own premises. They agreed to bake another, <I>for another $250 plus $50 rush fee. </I> She agreed; they baked, she got a new cake, enjoyed it, even said it was delicious, and then refused to pay. They wanted the $150 due on the first cake, plus the $300 for the second one.
The judge ruled for the bakery - she had agreed to the new amount (they had signed paperwork) and then reneged on the deal. Her logic? They dropped the cake, they owed her a new, free, one. Not a word about her little angels shoving and hitting the baker until he fell to the floor, cake and all. She had to cough up the $500 bucks. She was very upset, saying it was unfair!
I thought she was lucky she wasn't being sued for personal injury AND cake.
But it was kinda fun, watching competent decorators suing a cake wrecker! Instead of an aggrieved bride suing the baker who "totally ruined" the Most Special Day of Her Life....
That grilled baby - are we sure the baker didn't mishear 'It a gril'?
Oh - and the hospital beds used in the ceremony have now been donated to Tunisia (no kidding).
On behalf of Britain I would like to apologise. I was deeply embarrassed.
The Queen had it right - "What the (fern)?!?"
I love how on the teacup cake they used a 3-D bear pan. Because that's the way to build a baby, don't remember that on the insert instructions....
@SuBee: That sums it up perfectly. :)
@Erin: Me, too! I actually had my laptop with me while watching NBC coverage, otherwise I'm never one of those people who thinks to comment/post about CakeWrecks sightings. I'm glad that I wasn't the only person to make such a posting, as pointed out by Jen.
Please, please, pleeeeease let that be an oven rack so I can pretend the meaning of the cake is "I had too much beer, forgot my BC and now have a bun in the oven" instead of "There's nothing better than an ice cold beer, except for a grilled BLT, where the baby is nice and lean...(hic)..." *shudder*
I see I'm not the only one who immediately thought of Cake Wrecks as soon as that baby came on screen. And I definitely agree with the Queen on that one. What the fern, indeed.
@ SuBee - Thanks for the recap . . . and for sparing me having to look at another hundred pictures of that disturbing baby!
I am SO glad that I turned the Olympic opening ceremony off during the radioactive duvet part. That baby would have made me scream in terror --- just like today's cakes did.
Baby. On. A. Grill. With mutantly large feet. And even more mutantly pink and large lips, puckered up for a kiss. With one hand. And no arms. Surrounded by beer bottles. And a tree!
What is this wreckerator's thought process? Did someone actually ORDER a cake like this?
It's Monday. I can't process this anymore.
Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Andrea- your comment reminded me of Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal.
C2: Kind of an ancient Egyptian thing going on, especially with the eyes.
C3: What if it didn't have any arms or legs AND it was dressed as a lady bug AND it looked like an Edward Lear illustration? *Now* it clicks.
C4: The wreckorator has a wonderfully distorted sense of proportion, which may be explained by the open containers.
C6: GAAAHHH! What disembodied hands? There's only one. No, that is not better.
C7*: I get kind of a Simpsons vibe. A post-apocalypse Simpsons vibe. With fine china. Is someone messing with the Infinite Improbability Drive again? And when is Eddie ever going to learn to make tea?!?!
*I counted. Twice.
I dont think the Olympic baby was cake. I checked google. Cant find any thing that says its cake anywhere. "The giant baby was made from fibreglass paper." ???
It's weird. I've read three or four descriptions of the Olympics Opening Ceremonies. I've not seen a word about the giant creepy baby before I saw this. Everything else, I guess, has been mentioned, but not the baby.
Perhaps the news media thought it was better to just ignore it....
Let the "lobotomized baby" at the Olympics opening ceremony be a warning to us here in the States about the affects of socialized health care. Things could go horribly, horribly wrong.
And the award for hands-down WORST use of the Wilton 3D bear pan goes to the baby sitting on the green toxic waste in the teacup. I mean, LOOK at it! The baby isn't even sinking!
Y'know, it's not too often that you can legitimately say 'that's an ugly baby', but these are some damn ugly babies! Side note: loved the Waldorf comment, that made me LOL.
My husband screamed in horror and asked when Wes Craven had taken up events planning as a career.
That is truly gawdawful. Makes me rather glad we don't have TV.
@Angyla-- They never said it was a cake... just comparing scary looking babies.
I listend to a a very in depth discussion on NPR about the meaning of the opening cerermony-celbebraing national health care and the industrial revolution. I missed it watching , but found the discussion quite enlightening and educational. But doesn't it sort of ruin entertainment when they have to spend 20 minutes explaining it?
Those are some rather strange cakes. That's why I stick to the sheet cakes from Costco-nothing fancy, no additional wording, never give them a chance to mess it up.
I'm not sure which one is the creepiest. These cakes just might give someone a phobia. There seems to be a phobia for everything so why not a creepy cakes phobia. Those dead eyes just seem to stare right through you.
My first thought was terrorism - similar to the Trojan Horse. Did nobody read ancient Greek history? Scary how naive people are. Did something pop out of that gross creature?
I loved the Olympic Opening Ceremony, very British and totally bonkers, I can see that other nationalities may be confused. but I must admit we all shouted 'FREAKY GIANT BABY' at that point!
Okay so the baby was slightly wreckworthy but I hope other than that you guys enjoyed ourceremony., and as this post says it should have been so much worse!
@SuBee yep us Brits do love our national health service, seriously. Although we occaisionally moan about it we would'nt go back to the old way. I know no matter what situation I am in financially I will always get the healthcare I truly need. As will everyone else regardless of status, background or finances. Nothing makes me prouder to be British. I think I would be terrified to live in America and have to depend on insurance!
@Victoria-I AM terrified and embrace healthcare for all. I might just pack up and go to the UK if it weren't for all those Mary Poppinses falling from the sky. It seems dangerous.
@ SuBee lol don't worry the Mary Poppins aren't to much of a problem at least their umbrellas would shelter you from all our rain!
Those are not babies.. those are roadkills! eeeew...
Totally creeped out now by the scary baby cakes.
Todays therapy session is dedicated to you Jen.
What's going on with Baby #2's foot? It looks like a hand, first of all, and I can't figure out how it ended up at such a weird angle. Where's the other leg?