Baby Bears All!
July 26, 2012 Yesterday I offered to buy John some nipple pasties, but before you judge, it wasn't for anything "weird." It was just to cover his nipples.
You know, when he goes running. Because they hurt. His nipples, I mean. When he runs. I like talking. In short, choppy sentences. Like this.
Which just goes to show, well, everything except the nipples. But also that you should never make snap judgements on anything.
Take this cake, for example:
At first glance, it's just a pink bear with a little black nose being shunned by three invisible, barefoot ghosts.
BUT, look closer, and you soon realize ...
SWEET BETTY CROCKER, THAT BEAR IS EATING A BABY!!
Which explains why the ghosts are shunning him, if you think about it. After all, eating babies is never something you want to encourage - is it, bakers?
Of course, after a fifth or sixth glance you might start to think that isn't a bear at all, but rather a knitted pink snow suit with an unfortunate child stuck inside...being shunned by three invisible ghosts. Which makes SO much more sense for a baby shower. o.0
Right, I take it back: in this case, a snap judgement really IS the best option. It's a bear. And I like men who wear pasties. Because I'm a weirdo. A fun, fun weirdo.
Thanks to Joy O. for being weird with me. But not in a weird way.
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Reader Comments (57)
If that's a bear suit then the kid has a giraffe neck.
That. Is. Hilarious! I don't think I would have realized that it's perhaps supposed to be a snow suit (albeit a HUGE one that the baby could suffocate in) unless you mentioned it.
I'm not sure which I enjoyed more -- this post, which brought out a range of emotions I rarely experience this early in the morning, or watching my husband's expressions as he read it. That's not weird, is it?
Sung to "What's Love Got to Do With It?"
You must understand
That pasties for a man
Ain't a common fact
So I think that I will
Watch as bear absorbs girl
Rather than react
Not typical
But it's logical
So I'll try to ignore
Mental pictures of that
What's weird got to do, got to do with it?
Not weird that his nipples dislike motion
What's weird got to do, got to do with it?
No weirder than
This pink cake that you're showing.
I think you must be channeling Capt. Kirk. But if John's gonna wear 'em, we want pics!!!!! No, I'm not weird at all.....
Oh, holy mother of god - I wish I'd stuck with my first impression!
It IS an unfortunate child trapped inside the HOOD of that snowsuit....so what's in the body section? Maybe it's the bodies of those three poor ghost babies!
And where are the hands and feet?!
Oh geez.
I was wondering why it didn't have ears.
Is it wrong that the first thing I saw was a baby- eating bear?
For some reason, the word "Pedobear" keeps popping into my head... Is that weird? (blinkblink)
I thought runners used vaseline on their nipples. But yeah, pasties would be way more fun :D
"What's weird got to do, got to do with it?
Not weird that his nipples dislike motion"
COMPLETELY lost it at this, Sharyn!! As for the cake, cute concept (if it was in fact a concept and not a near-sighted wreckerator); baaaaaaaad execution.
Saw a bear.
Saw a baby in a bundled.
Didn't see the bear eating the baby till mentioned.
...
...
I am all for optical illusions but this one takes the cake.
(Seriously. Take it. I wouldn't want a piece)
(For some reason my phone put "hand" in place of piece - I wouldn't want either)
Is that why so many men run shirtless? I always wondered.
I get what they were going for, but holy god did they miss the mark on that one D: Sharyn hehehe
I think it would have looked okay and maybe even people would have gotten that it was a snow suit and not a bear if the head wasnt at such an unusual angle. If the babies head was more looking forward.
Just buy John some Body Glide. Its awesome:
http://www.amazon.com/Bodyglide-Original-Anti-Chafe-Balm-1-3-Ounce/dp/B00288L2N6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1343315509&sr=8-1&keywords=body+glide
Why would John want to stick small meat and potato pies on his nipples?
@Sharyn, I'm going to have that song in my head all day now. With YOUR lyrics. And I'm ok with that.
I saw the bear. Then I saw the baby and immediately decided that it was a baby stuck inside a stuffed bear, 'cause that's all I got. Sorry. I once had a stuffed rabbit with a baby inside. It freaked my out for years, then I saw A Christmas Story, and understood what the whole thing was about.
Actually, it still freaks me out. So this gave me the chills.
Wearing tech t's should help with the sore nipple syndrome. Bandaids are good too. I would stay away from lubbing up the nipples with vaseline because then he'll look like he's leaking and the shirt will be stained...well I suppose bloody nipples would stain the shirt anyways. Does he get black toes too? He could try out the toe condoms.
I'm also fond of men in pasties (particularly the ones with sequins and tassels, and especially if the gentleman can make them spin), but some appropriately-sized Band-Aids ought to cost less and work just as well.
First impression: someone murdered that teddy bear and snipped off its ears, leaving footprints all over the crime scene.
When I first saw this I was thinking of a great breaking news story. LOL It would go something like this.... "Babies get even with bear for eating their Mom. All that was left were footprints and a pacifier. They took his ear for vengenance, police are looking for suspects. Looking for toddlers with bloody hands and 1 may be missing a pacifier. Be very careful they have loaded diapers and are not afraid to use them."
I. Can't. Breathe. Laughing so hard. I thought I was okay again. Then I read. Sharyn's post. "Not weird that his nipples dislike motion"! Bwahahaha! *cough* *choke* *lamaze breathing* Ok. I think I'll be all right if I don't go back. Finish reading comments tomorrow.
I can't decide if this is a member of the Slitheen in a pink sleeper, or the cake version of this doll:
http://pullipstyle.com/pullipstyle/product_info.php?cPath=22_75&products_id=807
So many things to say today. First is the obvious "what has been seen cannot be unseen" thing. Guess it's time to go to thinkgeek for a Unicorn shot.
I don't know if you have any Family Dollar stores where you are, but they have nipple covers for a buck. I don't know how well they work, and I think they're intended to prevent you from looking like you're smuggling Tic Tacs when you're cold, but for a buck it's totally worth trying, amirite?
And @Caroline B- you totally made me chortle! That was awesome.
"What's weird got to do, got to do with it?
Not weird that his nipples dislike motion."
I'm with Amanda - Sharyn, that was perfection!
This cake is many kinds of weird. Many.
I found out that my nipples dislike motion too. John is not unique in that way. I stained a few shirts with blood- and by the way- have you seen the Office episode where he has bloody nipples?
Ok- anyway-
Bandaids work nicely-
as long as you are not going to take off your shirt- or wear a see-through shirt.... or anything like that....
but then of course pasties would work then too. Maybe some nice heart shaped ones.
Hmmm- Maybe I can quit my day job after all. I'm going to start up a runner's nipple pasties line.
I bet they would be all the rage.
I'm okay with the bear eating a baby, but all of this chafed nipple talk is making me squirm.
Please post something quickly so I can stop thinking about John's nipples.
I'm not at all comfortable with this.
Thank you.
The footprints are evidence of former victims, who sadly didn't get away. But that's why the prints face away from the bear- escape attempts.
Women have sports bras. Men do pasties (if they run with shirts on. Seriously, they can bleed if they don't cover up! OUCH!!). My dad does competitive running so I've been around them so long that I knew what they were when you said they were for John. Granted, coming over from Facebook, I was a little worried that today's post would be NSFW. Of course, it was hilarious, as always!
Ummm.... what does it say about me that I saw a baby in a snowsuit right away, and had to have the whole "Bear" thing pointed out to me?
My first impression was that the bear might be completely made of frosting, with no cake underneath. I don't know why, it just looks squishy.
My second impression was that the poor, squishy, frosting bear choked to death on a baby. And the baby is now napping, nestled cozily in the gaping maw of the unfortunate frosting bear's still-warm carcass. Babies are cold that way.
Yes, Cariline B. But I have never heard that the Cornish have this problem.
I wonder what the entertainment was for that shower. Watching "Grizzly Man"?
Weird. I was just watching a webcam of bears catching fish in a stream at Katmai and I was thinking about that film.
Ooooh, get him some bedazzled pasties!
Does it bother anyone else that the baby's
face is totally out of proportion to the
rest of the cake. It almost looks like its
eating the baby whole the way snakes
eat mice
Coomunity??Anyone?? Jeff??
Yayy for today's post!!! I really really really want a cake that depicts a bear eating a baby!!!
This cake at first glance looked like a gunned-down bear, the footprints his pink bear brains splattered on the cake board.
But then you pointed out the baby face and...
Well, it's a great Wreck.
I also saw the baby before I saw the bear. Although the bear is very ugly I wish I would've seen it first because I bet realizing it was a baby later on would've been even more disturbing.
Ha Ha. At first I saw a bear with a baby face. Then I wondered if the bear had eaten the baby. I figured that was just wrong for a baby shower, and that was when I realized it was supposed to be a baby in a snow suit. Completely don't understand the footprints though. And what's with the random flower that makes it look like a bear's eye? A complete fail on all levels.
Sharyn, after I was finished laughing out loud from the cake, I had to laugh out loud again when I read (sang in my head) your song.
Then along came Caroline B. who made me laugh again. I may be an American, but I do know what pasties are in your neck of the woods. (assuming you are from Great Britain.)
TMI!!! Sorry--I'm from a very small community (no runners) and also feel weird discussing John's nipple issues!! Band-aids might be painful to remove? What about the chest hair?!!!
As for the cake; the song Teddy Bear's Picnic came to mind!
If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise!...
LOL. You had me at "Sweet Betty Crocker." I am SO using that! I'm still laughing!
That looks waaaaaaaaaay more like a teddybear than a baby in a snowsuit. Wrong on many levels.
I didn't see the baby's face at first, either. I just thought it was a weird cake. So having the face pointed out to me was a shock.
Now that I've looked at this, I wonder: Is this supposed to be a baby in a HUGE pink snowsuit sleeping on its tummy with its head turned to the side?
I love the weirdos snippet! I need to figure out how to record the audio so I can use it as a ringtone on my phone.
Caroline B: love your comment about the pasties!
blink blink
blink blink
slowly backs away from the computer
From the footprints I think there are two more triplets stuffed into that snowsuit, desperately searching for unoccupied face holes. The flowers/eyes are the other elasticized face holes, tightly puckered. Up here, little girl! Further left! Up a little more!
My partner and I debated whether the bear was puking up the baby or the baby was clawing its way out of the bear. Either way it was an unhappy bear. I doubt the baby was any happier.
Lol now this cake is kind of cute in a if you like cute pink teddy bears munching on babies kind of way. Which I don't but if that's a snow suit how big exactly is this "baby"? It looks big enough for a toddler at least. Ah well at least it has pink..
@Sydney - it _was_ very disturbing to see the baby later. I did a sharp intake of breath when I finally saw the face on the first picture. I think it was the fact that cute (well, at least the bear looked like something Grandma would crochet) so quickly became creepy. It may not be the blue baby cake, but it was deeply scary nonetheless.
Awww, poor John. But does he know you've plastered his nipples all over the internet?
*See what I did there? Sticking plasters are excellent for preventing jogger's nipple, but - as has been pointed out - remember to take them off before you pose for sexy shirtless pics.
Where are the bears ears?!